Shining Star//Dimming Light (VOL.2) (Felix X SKZ ONE-SHOTS)

Little Lies (OT8)

Pairing: SKZ & Felix

Genre: Idol AU

!!TW!! : Littlespace, secret-keeping, angst, anxiety, bullying, mild eating and sleeping issues, overwork, lots of crying

(requested by @Compass. Lovely)

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Felix let out a shuddering breath as the cold water hit his body, effectively snapping him right out of the headspace he almost slipped into. He could feel himself growing emotional from the abrupt wake-up call, but he did what he'd always done best and completely ignored the calls of his little side, focusing on showering and getting rid of any remnants of his headspace in prevision for the day.

He'd woken up cuddled by Hyunjin and Jisung, the warmth cocooning him and their arms securely woven around him making him feel small and safe – to the point where he'd woken up with his thumb in his mouth and the satisfying, gooey clouds that filled his head whenever he slipped. Thankfully, he'd managed to extricate himself from their grasps in time, and they were barely waking up that Felix was already rushing to the bathroom so he could snap back to his senses before he lost complete control. He knew he'd have to find an excuse once he faced his boyfriends again, but he'd figure something out – he always did.

Stray Kids debuting as a group had been a dream come true and, after almost losing his chance at debuting with everyone else, Felix had made an oath to do everything in his power to ensure he wouldn't get kicked out again. In order to achieve that, he needed to work hard and ensure he didn't cause anyone any trouble.

That included repressing his headspace, and not telling anyone that he was a little.

When their tightly-knit bonds eventually evolved into genuine, romantic love, Felix was struck by the fact that all of his wonderful boyfriends had fallen in love with a fake – with someone he wasn't, with a mask he forced himself to wear. Would they still love him once they realized he'd lied to them? Once they found the real him?

He didn't want to doubt them. He knew they were amazing, open-minded people. But stronger than the hope was the fear, and so Felix kept his mouth shut.

He'd managed to repress his headspace for a long time. He only let himself slip on very special days, when he was absolutely guaranteed that no one else would be around for at least an hour – but those days rarely happened before and, now that they were all dating, being alone was practically impossible. So, Felix was forced to let the stress and anxiety accumulate without any way of coping with it.

It was becoming harder not to slip. With seven wonderful, caring boyfriends, every single gesture made him feel all fuzzy inside. The head pats, the kisses, the cuddles, Minho teasingly feeding him some ramen or Hyunjin helping him dress up properly for the colder weather or Jeongin carrying him around just to show off—

Yeah, it was hard. Repressing his headspace was almost painful, and the guilt of lying to the people he loved the most didn't help at all.

"Felix, sweetheart?" It was Hyunjin who was knocking at the door of the bathroom. "Are you alright?"

Felix let out a shaky breath as he turned off the water. "I- I'm fine! Give me a sec!"

Quickly grabbing a towel to wrap around his waist, he grabbed a second one to start drying his hair and finally went to unlock the door. Worry was written all over Hyunjin's face, which made the guilt in Felix's stomach grow even more.

"You rushed out pretty quickly. Are you okay?"

"I just felt a little nauseous." Lies, always lies. It scared him, how easy it was becoming to lie to everyone he cared about. "I thought I was going to throw up, but I didn't, and I figured a cold shower would help – which it did. I feel better, now."