/𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐒\ [𝒔. 𝒃𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒌]

𝟓.𝟞.𝟤

"a loving heart is the truest wisdom." ~ Charles Dickens

~december 1975~ (continued)

James and Sirius were sitting by the fire on a cold night after everyone else had gone to bed, wrapped up in blankets and pouring over the unfinished Marauder's Map. "Ahhh, I need a break," said Sirius, leaning back and stretching across the couch. James didn't look up. Sirius balled up one of the discarded sketches nearby and chucked it at his head. "You need a break too, Prongs."

"Right, sorry." James snapped back to attention and set his quill down.

Sirius smiled. "Let's talk about something other than the map. Anything else."

"My mum wants to know if you're coming to stay with us this summer," James said without hesitation.

Sirius immediately regretted not choosing the conversation topic himself. "Look, mate..." he said regretfully.

"But you have to!" protested James. "Come on, last summer was so fun and this year's been shit so far and I just wanna have a good holiday with my friends."

"But I dunno if Regulus is going to have somewhere to stay this summer and I don't want to leave him at my place by himself with my parents."

James frowned. "Aren't you mad at Regulus?"

"That doesn't mean I want him to have a shit summer because of me," Sirius countered.

James nodded, and then gave Sirius a skeptical look. "Are you sure you're not coming to stay this summer because you want to avoid her?"

He didn't have to say Artemis's name for Sirius to know who he was talking about. A moment's emotion crossed his face before he gave James his most convincing charming grin. "You think I'd give up a whole summer with my best mate just to avoid some girl?"

James wasn't persuaded. "She's not just some girl."

The smile faded from Sirius's face. "I know that."

"So come on," said James, his expression still serious. "What's up? Talk to me, Pads."

Sirius let out a slow breath and stared down at his hands. "Ahhh, it's- it's complicated."

"Then tell me."

"I really just don't want to leave Reg," he said at last, and suddenly it all came out at once. "My parents hate me, so when they get mad, they take it out on me. I'm like their... personal punching bag, or something. They love it when I fuck things up 'cause it gives them an excuse to... to- well, anyways- when I'm not there, Reg's next in line. I mean, they love him, don't get me wrong. He's their perfect child, the star Slytherin, et cetera, et cetera- but... when my mum gets mad, none of that really matters. And honestly, if it's between me and Reg, I'm cool with being the punching bag. I can take it, he doesn't know how to yet, and I really-" Sirius drew in a sharp breath, "-really hope he never does." There was a short pause, and then he continued. "And yeah, I'm pissed off at Reg, and I'm pissed off at Art- actually, no, I'm not even that mad at her anymore, I just want her to talk to me. And if I stay with you, I'll be putting Reg in danger for what? To have her act like I don't exist all summer? And to put you in a weird middle situation?"