I Am But Half a Soul (I Am Stil Whole)

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done by canadianreaders on fanfiction.net

There was something quite beautiful about soulmates, the idea that there was someone out there, just perfect for you. Someone that would complete you, that would make you whole. Would make you feel like the world was okay.

Lily hated soulmates.

Well, more specifically, she hated her particular soulmate at this particular moment in time. A deer. That is what she had woken up to find this morning. A giant stag. Lily liked deer - well she wouldn't necessarily say liked, but she didn't mind them - but this tattoo took up the majority of her back. From her shoulder blades down to her waist. Yes, it was beautiful, all smooth black lines and tiny details, but really, it couldn't have been smaller?

Mary and Marlene only laughed when she showed them.

"Maybe it means something?" Mary giggled out, her fingers grazing over her own soulmate's tattoo that had shown up only a few days before - a small arrow on the side of her arm, right near her wrist. At least her soulmate had some decency.

"What could it possibly mean?" Lily exclaimed, pulling her sweater back on. "That my soulmate, who ever they are, is an arse who didn't think that someone else who is weirdly connected to them maybe wouldn't want a giant stag on their back?"

"Maybe it means they're staggeringly in love with you," Marlene offered. Lily threw a pillow at her.

"Fuck soulmates," Lily said, flopping down beside Mary. "I'm already whole."

Mary sighed, fingering Lily's rusty red hair where it intertwined with her dark strands. Lily knew that Mary had always loved soulmates, that she believed in hers, despite not knowing them. She was a hopeless romantic at her core. But she wouldn't bring that up now. "Yeah, you are."

Lily tried to ignore the empty feeling in her stomach, the feeling that something was missing. No one got to be her salvation. No one was going to be her saviour. She could save herself.

James didn't feel the pain. He didn't feel the sting of the needle, didn't even notice the small design on his finger until he reached up to ruffle his hair, the ink only a flash of black in front of his eyes.

Two small stars sitting next to each other on the side of his index finger. It had been a month since he got his stag tattoo, and he had wondered when his soulmate would ink themselves, adding to their mutual mural. Though it seems his soulmate is much more modest than him, taking up only about an inch of his skin.

The stars were just outlines, as if still waiting to be filled in. It all seemed kind of sad to James, and he wondered what had made his soulmate pick that, so singular and yet so common. There are a million stars in the galaxy, but these two were alone.

Sirius only shrugged when he showed him the stars, flopping onto their ragged couch.

"I'm surprised it isn't bigger," he said, putting his feet up on the coffee table. "If I was your soulmate, I would have gotten something much more obnoxious as payback for that stag."

James sits next to him, punching him not-so-lightly in the shoulder. They didn't say anything for a while, the air between them cracking with unspoken words.

Sirius thought soulmates were just a bunch of shit, that it was all the universe's idea of a sick game. And James knew that. It didn't help that Sirius had woken up one morning to have all his tattoos gone, painfully removed by whoever was on the other side of his connection. It didn't help that Sirius' brother believed in his soulmate, and that Sirius had watched Regulus wear himself into the ground for this person, who, in the end, wanted nothing to do with him.

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