Fragments ✔ (Haciendero #2)

Ikatatlumpo't Walong Kabanata

Kabanata 38

Waiting for miracle

"Ms. de Ayala is depressed with symptoms of psychosis. She's experiencing hallucinations and delusions, her hallucinations tackle in a different way, it needs to be treated in the right facility. Seryoso ang ganitong kondisyon, its risk of suicide is also high. She has to be admitted in the hospital for close monitoring."

***

The news broke my family.

My father loved me more than anyone could ever done. I was his favorite. Alam kong kung kaya niyang isakripisyo ang lahat para sa akin, gagawin niya --- except for one thing.

He would never want to let me go.

I begged him many times to let me rest in peace. Ayaw niya akong sukuan. There are countries that legalized physician-assisted suicide. I could die peacefully. I could be with Musika. I could be with my daughter.

"I'm doing this for your own good. Mahal na mahal kita, Catherine." Sancho was fighting hard not to cry in front of me.

Mahina akong ngumiti. "You know what's best for me, daddy."

Agad siyang umiling. "You won't leave us, Catherine. Pasensya na anak, selfish si daddy. Hindi ko kaya." He wiped his tears away. "Hindi ko kakayanin."

"This is the last chance I'm taking, daddy. Kapag hindi pa ako naging maayos, please, just let me be."

Hindi sumagot si daddy, hinalikan niya ang aking noo. "You'll be treated, anak. Gagaling ka, okay? Daddy will be with you every step of the way." Isang mahigpit na yakap ang binigay niya sa akin.

I was admitted into a mental institute. Iyon ang makakabuti sa kalagayan ko. It was a hard deliberation from my family. The least thing I wanted is for them to stop doing their own thing just to take care of me.

May resitang medicines na sa kondisyon ko. It was a lot. Regular checking was also ensued for my progress. Kaya mas mabuting sa hospital ako mamalagi.

Nilibot ko ang kabuuan ng mental institution habang nakikipag-usap ang pamilya ko sa mga doctor na mag-aalaga sa akin sa mahabang panahon. I saw different people. Some are talking to themselves, iyong iba naman ay tulala lang.

Napadpad ang aking paa sa malawak na garden. Sa gitna nito ay mayroong fountain kung saan naglalaro ang ilang pasyente ng hospital. Pinapaanod nila ang bangkang papel. They had the joyous smiles in simple things.

"Excuse me, can you please escort Mary back to her room? She needs to rest. Ikaw iyong bago, hindi ba?"

Napatingin ako sa gawi ng nagsalita. He was wearing a casual wear and a doctor's robe. Hindi ko na kailangan pang hulaan kung ano ang lalaki sa institution. It was clearly stated by the way he dressed.

The guy was chinito. Gwapo ito at makinis ang balat.

Kumurap ako ng ilang beses. Katabi niya ang isang payat na babae. She was smiling from ear to ear and waving at me.

"Her room is on the first floor. Room 105." sinabi nito ng hindi ako kumibo.

What does that mean? Napagkamalan niya ba akong staff ng hospital? It was funny to think of that.

"Doc, I'm not a staff here. Andito rin ako para gumaling. I was admitted." I replied quickly.

"Oh," Ginulo niya ang kanyang buhok. "My bad. I'm sorry, I thought, you're one of the hired staffs. Kaya pala hindi ka nakabihis ng uniform. Let's go, Mary."