ʟᴏꜱᴛ ʟᴏᴠᴇ

40

Ariya

"William! Open up!" I banged my fist on the door of his house, hearing Rylan's screams from behind the wood.

"Break it Open." I shook my head while taking a step back.

"Ariya-"

"Now, Khyson."

I watched him step forward and kick his foot towards the door. Suddenly a loud crack was heard before the wood broke and the door flied open.

"Get Rylan." I told him before stepping in. I watched him run up to him and sling Rylan over his shoulder.

"It's okay." He whispered.

I made it to the kitchen before seeing him leaning on the counter with a bottle to his lips.

"What the fuck!? William!?" I yelled while shoving his chest.

"Ariya, what the fuck is your problem?" He slurred before wrapping his arm around my neck. I harshly shoved his body away before riddling my face with disgust.

"No! What the fuck is your problem!?"

"My son is here and you're drinking!? What the fuck goes through your mind!? He was fucking scared!?"

"It's whatever." He grumbled while lifting the bottle to his lips, I quickly grabbed the tip and ripped it away from him.

"It's not whatever! Since when did you get drunk!?"

"He's fine."

"No he's fucking not! He was crying! And gasping for air! But you didn't notice because you were too busy getting black out fucking drunk!" I slapped his chest and he laughed.

"Who the fuck are you for judging me, your the one who let him stay here."

"Are you being serious?" I laughed.

"Rylans not even mine yet you make it seem like I'm his god damn father, it's not my fault his ran off!"

I took a few steps back and stumbled past the item an fallen to the ground. Gripping my palm on the counter.

"That's what this is about!? Fine, you'll never see him again, because he's sure as hell never coming back here!" I made my way back around the island before he grabbed my wrist.

"Let go, dad!"

"Let go, William!" I yelled before quickly pulling my wrist from his grasp.

"Ariya stop."

"Never come near me or my son again, okay?" Beofre he could utter a response and bolted out and into Khyson's car. Until stopping.

"It's okay, buddy. Breathe, here look at me, in and out. Slowly.. slowly.. yeah just like that-you're doing great." Khyson smiled to Rylan, I watched as Rylan began to smile through the tears.

"That's it, you're okay.. you're okay." I watched him comfort Rylan. He seemed to take to him so easily.

I stepped quietly into the car before sighing and running a hand over my head.

"You okay?" He mumbled quietly.

"Not really.. can you just take us home?"

Khyson nodded before tapping his drivers shoulder and the car descended.

-

"He's asleep." I told Khyson before stepping into the hallway of my apartment. I braced my hand on the drywall before dropping my forehead on the wall also.

"Here, let's get to bed." He placed a soft hand on my back and ushered me into my room, sitting me on my bed.

"You alright?"

2

I glanced up at him.

"The one thing, the one thing I wanted, Khyson."

"It's not your fault, you know that?" He placed a hand on my cheek while nodding with soft eyes.

"What am I doing wrong." I shrugged with a quiver at my lips, sniffling back at my nose.

"It's m-"

"It seems to be me, what the fuck am I doing wrong?" I laughed lowly with a sad smiled, patting my things.

"Ariya, stop blaming yourself, okay. You couldn't have seen it coming. Rylan's okay, you're okay."

"I'm going to bed." I spoke robotically before sliding myself under my covers.

He tucked the blanket around me before kissing my forehead and leaving.

I just wanted things to be okay.

Dear, non-diary

Not gonna lie I've been a mess these couple days. I haven't done this in a while so pardon my rustiness and ignore the tear stained pages.

I've been feeling pretty shitty. I feel like a bad mom, and a bad girlfriend and a bad person. How could I have not seen it. They way he'd sneak out during our dates, the "tipsy" texts at night.

I'm turning into my mother.

Help me non-diary, what does one do when they're turning into their mother. Rylan wasn't supposed to be around that, he wasn't supposed to-I don't know.

Oh and it keeps coming, I'm getting closer to Khyson aka baby daddy. This was not supposed to happen, neither was the sex. Yeah you're probably as shocked as I am, or was.

Hopefully no one finds this so I'm just gonna spill my guts for you.

Khyson makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. Every time I look into those deep brown irises a warm feeling spreads throughout my body. I feel safe and happy. I feel like I wouldn't mind spending my dying days with him. It fucking hurts but feels so god damn good. But I feel selfish, diary. I'm keeping Khyson from Rylan while building a relationship with him. Who does that, me apparently. I've really been contemplating on telling, Khyson. I'm just afraid he'll take Rylan, leave me alone. What would I have to live for without Rylan and Khyson, what would I be.. without him. I just need some sort of reassurance that it would be okay, that it would get better. I need to know that the pain will go away.

Give me a sign, Diary.

"Mama?"

I looked up from the notepad before seeing Rylan standing through the crack of my door. Shutting the book closed and placing it on my side table. He came through the door and climbed under my covers.

"I missed you." He hugged my side tightly and I smiled.

"I missed you more, it's okay, I'm not going anywhere..." I dragged on.

I'm not going anywhere.