Ambivalence || JJK ✓

Chapter 2

"You give me pain still I want you."

"Here, have this", Hoseok mumbled. His masculine figure towered over her fragile one as he leaned forward, keeping her tray in front of her.

Her eyes were busy staring at the glass window, tears hiding somewhere behind them, deeper. After a long piercing sigh, she tore apart her vision and smiled weakily at the man in front of her. Her throat was dry, eyes were burning, the urge to hide herself in her dark room was strong. She moistened those chapped lips and tucked a hair strand behind her ear, pulling the cuff of her Ash grey sweater closer to her sweaty palms. 

She had been mysterious always, never wanting to be the centre of attraction. Even in her high school days all she did was hide herself in the library, drowning in books. She wasn't too fond of interaction, let alone sharing what's on her mind. 

Her ex boyfriend was amazing, loved her, cared for her, but it wasn't something she was satisfied with. It didn't feel genuine. It didn't spark any magic in her. It didn't flame any love in her. She did love him, but her love for Jungkook was something beyond imagination. Even the thought of tears in his eyes made her feel awful.

As days passed by, she became more quiet, keeping to herself everything, crying in the dark corner of her room. No one knew what she was going through except Hoseok. He was a witness to every tear she had shed at night, hugging him.

He smiled at her, settling on the wooden chair. He rolled up the sleeves of his tight fitted shirt, his veins popped out. 

The thundering clouds brought her out her train of thoughts as she flinched.

"Eat, it's getting cold Y/N", he pushed the food closer to her, but she was too lost to notice anything. He felt bad for her. She was very dear to him.

"Are you... are you perhaps still missing him?"

Her eyes burnt as she shut them, trying to not let out any drop of tear. The pieces of her broken heart were scattered too far from each other to be brought back close again.

"Will you hate me if I tell the truth?.. I don't know. I don't know what am I missing, him or the memories of his presence. I don't know if it's my son or the guilt towards him. I don't even know how to face myself. 

My son... does he hate me too...just like his father? I left him all alone, I made him stand on the edge of the cliff. Maybe he is happy without me, after all I was just a pathetic human."

She pressed her lips in a thin line, gaping in the eyes of the male. Her vision was broken, numb to the feelings she had been hiding for the past few years. At first it was too hard for her to keep on going with the pain, barely having a person to let out to but with time she got used to the loneliness, and the pain still being there didn't make her feel hard to breathe any more. Who will care if she dies one day?

After a deep sigh, Hoseok slid closer, placing his warm hand on hers, "Why do you say like that? Why do you think everyone hates you?"

She smirked as a teardrop rolled down her cheek, "If you were in my place, you'd feel the same. There is no love for someone like me. All I had was Jungkook and Subin and now that I left them, I just want to end it all."

The paper cuts in my hands bleed, waiting to be healed by love.

"Maybe you still have Subin? He never said anything to you. He is still waiting for his mother."

"No.. I can't. He should probably live with his father than wanting his mother."

His wrath overpowered him. He banged his hands on the table, standing up from his place. His forehead was creased, brows frowning and nose scrunched up. He was so angry, not because she left Jungkook... but because she chose to punish someone innocent.