Ambivalence || JJK ✓

Chapter 40

 "A battle with my own self."

"Jump", he shuddered, feeling captured again, a groan of frustration and pain escaped his mouth. 

He had no strength left in him to fight with his emotions and weak self. Wiping the tears felt useless. His survival felt useless. After all, he didn't want to be counted as a burden. 

He was now feeling weak to even inhale as he was the only one who could hear his heart cracking every passing second. 

He turned around with rageful yet broken vision, tired of being protested against his every action. He spat venomously, "Mind your own fucking busin- h-hyung?"

"No. I am not your hyung anymore. Go on, jump. What are you even waiting for?"

"Jimin hyung-"

" No. Don't call me that. We are done for the good. We have our own lives. Jungkook? Stop wasting your goddamn time. You need to jump."

"Jimin hyung p-please just go away."

"If you had ever considered me as your hyung then this won't be happening", he spoke monotonously.

"I-I have no strength left to a-argue. Just go away Park Jimin. I have no strength left to f-face anyone."

"Why? Why do you want me to go away? Why can't I be a witness to your death? Why? 

I wanna be able to answer that poor kid who is gonna be crying over the dead body of his father after a few hours. 

I wanna be able to answer your mom, your dad, your brothers.

I wanna answer myself. 

Can't I be lucky enough to see someone whom I have been adoring for years as my best friend, leaving everything behind, ready to die? Can't I?"

"What do you want Jimin?", his tired voice shook Jimin, as his eyes softened at his state. 

The wind blew, sending chills down their spine. Jimin tightened his fists, seeing him not budging from him spot. He felt the blood turning cold, he felt his soul come to his throat. The tears brimming the younger's eyes pierced him in the right spot.

"I can't. I can't anymore Jimin. It h-hurts everywhere. At this point I want this p-pain to just go away", Jungkook whimpered, the tears rolled down the cheeks instantly. 

"Move on. Move on just like she did", his words broke his heart more. He just couldn't. He tried, but it was too hard. He kept falling back to her. He knew he can't move on so easily just like she did.

"I can't. I can't move on from someone who took away my life with her J-Jimin", he questioned his entire life at this point, fell on his knees, just an inch away from falling down into that river. 

Jimin's eyes widened, he sprinted with huge steps, catching him in his embrace, sweat beads colliding against his own forehead. The younger smirked, wiping the tears carelessly. He tried to push him away, but Jimin seemed stronger. He pulled him off the railing and engulfed him in a tight hug, waiting until his wiggling died down.

He felt his chest wet, his shirt absorbed the younger's tears, breaking his heart. He caressed his hair as he continued to cry miserably like a kid. His trembling hands gripped Jimin's sweater, and slowly lost control.

Jimin was being very patient. He knew he was suffering alone, too much. No one knew what he was going through because he never showed. He had never cried so much for anything but her. She was his reasons to be himself. She was the reason he lost himself. 

Trying to be happy, but it's hard sometimes. 

"Forget her. Forget that you ever met her. Forget that you once loved her", Jimin stopped caressing his hair, broke the hug and gawked into his cold yet hurt, swollen and red eyes.