Ambivalence || JJK ✓

Chapter 26

"Will I be able to float the crumbled paper boat again? "

JUNGKOOK'S POV

With sweaty palms and trembling fingers, he was rebelling with the thoughts of whether to approach her or not. He knocked at the table, finally, catching her attention. She raised a brow, mouth stuffed with food, looking adorable than ever but her eyes were numb.

"I am sorry on behalf of hyung", his forehead was beaded with sweat and the throat had a huge lump.

"Don't bother yourself with that. I am okay." He felt infuriated at her reply, hurt and being mocked at. He smirked, wiping the froth from the corner of his lips, "How?" She looked confused.

"How can you be so okay with every fucking thing? HOW?! HOW CAN YOU BE OKAY WHEN I AM NOT?!" He slammed his hand at the table, standing up. "Just look how it's me again apologizing and you not giving a fuck. Ain't it familiar?", he mocked. Her eyes failed to make a contact, to her the lap seemed more fascinating to look at.

"Why does it matter to you? Why can't you 3 brothers leave me alone? Stop meddling in my life. Stop messing up the things for me-  "

"Life? After destroying my whole god damn life you still care about yours? Wasn't it you who wanted to start again? Wasn't it you who came back? This. This attitude of yours never brought you any happiness you know? It snatched away everything. Every human. Even your brother. It killed him-"

*SLAP*

"Come again? You have the audacity to slap me when all I doing was telling the facts?"

She stepped back, tears racing down the cheeks. Her elbow hit the flower vase as it fell, the glasses piercing in her foot. She hissed, but his words were more painful. "You know how to trigger t-trauma Jungkook, don't you?" Her lips quaked as she started chewing on her lower lips. He felt guilty seeing her wet eyes.

~

She broke down entering her room, shattering into pieces. Her heart felt exhausted, beating for a woman who has no self respect and for a guy who doesn't let her look at herself with respect. Her legs trembled as she brought them closer to her chest, sinking deeper in her own embrace, crying and shaking miserably.

"How could I let him hurt me so m-much?", she sobbed, clutching her necklace tightly.

"I-I killed my brother. He also thinks that. I FUCKING KILLED MY OWN BROTHER!", she screamed, with blood shot red eyes, "...And Jungkook is k-killing me."

"Y-Y/N, open the door!", he banged at the other side, feeling restless and guilty.

"Y-Y/N? P-Please let me in", he stuttered, sliding down against the wooden door with tears rolling down his cheeks.

After what felt like years she opened the door, he was sleeping by the side. He limped, standing up in an instant. Her eyes looked dead, no love no hate. Only guilt. Guilt of being the murderer when she was not. Her sleeves were bloody, catching his attention. He gripped her wrists, but she yanked his hand away, "I need some time alone. Let's not talk for a while." Her voice was monotonous, deep and broken.

~

He sat on the bed, in the dark room, fingers playing perfectly with his wedding ring, rolling between them. The eyes were staring in space but with confusion, anger and pain. He shook his head in disappointment and slid down under the covers, he was hating himself so much at the moment.

Y/N's POV

She fluttered open her eyes, the sun rays hitting her face directly. Her limbs and eyes hurt from the previous day. Getting off the bed, she fetched her phone, dropping a hi to her best friend and probably the only person she could face at the heat of the moment.

The cold tiles of the floor felt like heaven to her burning body as she walked barefoot on them, towards her son's room, hissing at every step which hurt her wound. The kid was sleeping snuggled deep in the bare chest of his father, who had his knuckles injured. She sighed, knowing what must have happened and came back with a first aid.

~

He stared at her lovingly, who was busy cleaning his wound. His fingers trembled, reaching closer to her face as he tucked back the falling hair strand. She knew who it was so it wasn't much of a need to even look back at him. Or was it the same thought from yesterday which had been lingering all over head, snatching away her peace and strength to fight for her love?

"I am sorry", he spoke, finding himself lost in her beauty but she didn't reply. He heaved a heavy, shaky breath understanding how hurt she was. "I guess it should be me who should be angry and you trying to make up? That's what you had come here for?"

She shot up her eyes, glaring at him, trying to convey thousand of emotions. Her eyes were red, carrying in them her sufferings from years. "Do you think it's a joke? Everything to you looks like a joke, isn't it? Me? My love? My hardships? My regrets?"

"Oh is it? Until when are you going to be dramatic? Crying over small things?"

"Small? Talking about my brother's death is small for you? Pushing me back in the pit of insecurities is small for you?"

"Then why did you do the same to me Y/N? Instead of talking out the things, you think arguing will prove you right? It will let you win over everything?" He croaked, feeling disappointed in her, himself and their love. Her heart cracked. He was right. She did the same too. Her grip loosened, he scoffed. "Isn't it better if you stop approaching me? All we do is end up in an argument Jungkook- "

He pushed her by her shoulder, walking out of the house.

- - -

A short and bad chapter :(

Sorry :(