Ambivalence || JJK ✓

Chapter 6

"Teach me how to love again."

She drove him away, breaking the hug, staring in his black eyes with her blue hazel ones. They teared up, once again, just like they did in front her ex-husband. She loved him to an extent that she could do whatever it required to gain him back, but his hate made her weak. Weaker with every passing day.

"Why?", the surroundings were quiet. Just the breathing of the two souls and their conversations echoed in the darker arena. "Why did you ask me to call him Hoseok?" He licked his lips, trying to give his words a shape because he knew they were going to be harsh. She leaned closer, holding him by his collar, glaring, if possible, trying to murder him by her glares, "I ASKED WHY-"

"SHUT UP!", he yelled with a creased forehead, tired of her stubborn behavior.

"Why don't you ever listen to anyone?", he questioned, her hazel eyes looked guilty. There was a good amount of silence before he spoke again.

"He is hurt and broken to the extent that he has lost trust in relationships", he sat on the couch, looking at her who stood facing the empty dark streets. Her hair flew in the direction of the blowing wind, making her look heavenly. She was a definition of beauty. No doubt why Jungkook fell for her.

"If you break trust, forgiveness is the hardest thing to earn. I know because I have experience. I didn't have a chance to even ask for it while you? You have it. Let him heal. Take it slow. But don't give up.

How do you expect him to react after going through so much for 3 whole years. It was needed. Him letting out what was on his mind was necessary. You dumped him when he needed you the most and now you expect him to forget everything and get back to you? You didn't even care about Subin. You abandoned him for the sake of that stupid revenge of yours.

I asked you to reciprocate your love not expect a positive answer."

"W-What about my pain Hoseok? I was alone too! I never a-abandoned my son, I was too coward to look in his eyes again and say mom is going to make things right", she spoke as the words came out as a whisper, trying to protest, trying to put her thoughts in the form of words. "I need him, but he has already given up on us", her eyes were screaming about her scars which she tried to hide. He nodded seeing her wanting to hug him, and she crashed herself into his embrace, resting her head on his chest.

~

 The sunlight flashed on her features, as she shone like a diamond underneath. The birds chirped in the clear sky; the breeze fled in her turquoise room. It was early in the morning, a fresh day waiting ahead.

She squirmed under the sheet, stretching her elongated limbs and bulldozed the duvet off her perfectly curved body. Her eyes were still drowsy as she smiled hazily, the corner of her lips had the drool from the last night. Her messed up hair rested against her shoulders as she tied them in a ponytail and minced towards the window. Her black oversized t-shirt was tucked messily in her pink shorts. 

Her sight dropped on her bandaged wrist, she sighed heavily.

She sat on the dining table, with a toast pressed between her plump lips and the smoky coffee mug next to her. The silence in the house sounded better than the previous night. She had her head clouded with thoughts, about him and their son. She felt ugly towards her actions towards Subin, wanting to repent everything. 

Her fingers clutched the phone tightly against her ears as she stood in the balcony, "Hello?"

The man over the other end groaned, still half asleep, rolling on the bed, "Who?"

"Y/N", she spoke, with a tint of hesitation, fidgeting with the end of her hair.

"What do you need early in the morning?", he sounded confused, yet cute.

"Can I talk to Subin?"

"He is sleeping. How do you expect him to be awake at fucking 6 in the morning?"

"Well... tell him mom loves him", she ended the call without letting him answer.

~

"You are late honey", the young boy adhered to her left shoulder. He was in his late twenties, probably younger than her. His body was buff, the perfume was addictive. He licked his lips, hands resting on the either side of his hips, waiting for her to answer.

She pressed her lips in a tight smile, rebuffed the wrinkles on her blue trousers and kept her bag at the edge of the work desk, "I had some work Jaeho."

His pushed his hair back, dropped on his seat with a soft thud, "Present this file in the meeting for me Senorita, I am taking a half day." He sipped on to his coffee, lips curved in a sly smirk. 

"I will.. but this Senorita is a mother of a kid", she faked her best smile, taking the file in her hands, her fingers brushed against his. Her eyes had a hidden emotion, meanwhile the young man choked on his drink.

~

"What are you doing here in the cold?", adjusting his earpiece, Hoseok brought down the window glass, slowing down his car and looked at her worriedly. "Oh, I was waiting for a taxi", he nodded and pulled the car by the side. "I'll wait with you. It's not safe to let you stand here alone", he stepped down and jogged up to her.

"Y/N?", he called out to her, feeling sleepy, "It's been 2 hours. Let me drop you home." She hesitated at first but agreed. She pulled out a while scarf from her bag and wrapped it around her long neck, the cold winds sent shivers down her spine.

"Stop there!", she wailed, eyes drooling over the sight of a sushi shop. He pulled the breaks abruptly, almost having a heart attack, "WHAT THE-", she looked at him with her puppy eyes. "No! Those eyes aren't working on me young lady."

She pinched his thighs, snatching the soul out of his body. "HOLY CRAP Y/N IT'S MY GOD DAMN THIGH!", she giggled knowing she had won.

The bell at the door rang as the two friends entered and took a table. "You are eating only two", she pouted but he was adamant.

"Y/N?", he called out to her, who was busy eating her sushi. Pausing for a while she looked up at him before going back to her work and stuffing her mouth again, "Are you really giving up on Jungkook?"

Her lips sealed; she could feel the urge to run away. He held her hand, staring at her with worry yet love, "He is the best guy you can ever find. Don't give up on your love. "

She didn't know how to answer. She was out of words. Her reflexes gave up. She pushed the plate and stood up, fixing her scarf, "Let's go, I am done."

She sat at the passenger seat, looking at the lighten up Seoul. Her own life was full of darkness. Clutching her purse closer to her chest, she closed the eyes trying to find some comfort.

"We are here", he cooed in her ears, not wanting to scare her. She opened her eyes lazily and stepped out to enter her apartment. He inhaled heavily, staring at her back. Shaking his head, he clutched the steering wheel, ready to leave. His phone rang, the screen displaying her number. "You were just now in the car-"

"I am ready to wait for him just like he did for 3 years."

~

HOSEOK'S POV

He dropped himself on the bed, each muscle sore and numb. The blood feeling cold. His mind was occupied with so many thoughts, both wanted and unwanted. Clutching the duvet closer, his eyes moistened, memories hitting him like a truck. He whimpered to himself but there was no comfort. Sitting erect, he drank some water and stared aimlessly on the glass hour kept beside his bed.

"I know you are trying hard to hate her", he spoke in the silent room, smirking in dissatisfaction and disappointment. "She is so fragile. Too scared to start alone. Accept her before it's too late because I know how it feels to lose forever."

"None is at fault. Sometimes you should just blame the timings. Jungkook, I know you want her too just like she wants you. You both need each other so much."