Ambivalence || JJK ✓

Chapter 28

"You caused me a beautiful painful memory."

"Y/N, let's talk", he blurted out, banging the door open. She was about to enter her room.

The footsteps grew louder as he slowly walked towards her back facing figure. She sighed, fidgeting with her fingers, clutching her hair in a bun, the neck exposed her tattoo. "I am not interested." He growled, the adrenaline rushing through the nerves. He pulled his hair and pushed the vase, making her flinch.

"Stop. Running. From. Me.", he grunted in a low, scary voice.

She turned around in a speed of light, with squinted eyes and bawled fists before pointing the index finger at him and spat back, "Are you fucking serious? God dammit. Shut the fuck up and go away. Screaming every time-",

"CUT THIS CRAP AND SPIT THAT ATTITUDE OF YOURS. I AM SCREAMING?! AFTER EVERYTHING YOU DID I CAN'T EVEN SHOUT?! ARE YOU FOR REAL? BULLSHIT!", he gritted his teeth, rushed towards her with fast steps and held her jaws. He stared deeper into her soul, as if trying to convey to her everything he had been keeping to himself. His eyes were filled with tears of betrayal and the love he had for her. Her heart skipped a mile, seeing his broken state. The tears cascaded down their eyes together, the knots tightening in the stomachs.

Read the scene ahead while listening to Strawberries and Cigarettes for better experience :)

He jerked off her jaw, his lips were quivering. He gripped her wrist and dragged her in her room, kicking the door shut. His eyes turn red and nostrils flared as he continued to stare fiercely into her soul.

She tried to find emotions in those unreadable back orbs but nothing seemed to be true.

"J-Jungkook, please", she whispered, seeing him leaning closer, ending the space between them both. His breaths hit her face and a current ran down her spine, the knees trembled and eyes were as wide as saucers.

His quivering lips stopped abruptly, as they landed over her pink ones. The moment those lips touched hers, the mind went insane. Self control seemed to be disappearing.

He closed his eyes, letting the tears roll down as he bit her lips. The kiss infused in her a sudden remorse and pain. Her hands were slowly coiling around his torso, as she started to kiss him back. A sweet, full of love kiss. His lips moved like a hungry beast, devouring his every emotion in her. She went on with the same speed. He pulled her closer, hand traversing up to her hair, caressing them. His tongue swiftly entered in her mouth, exploring everything, every inch.

Her fingers traced over his back, he nodded slowly. Their tongues tangled and went to war in their locked mouths, battling madly for dominance.

His lips were warm and soft.

He sucked every drop of blood in her lips. Their breaths mixed, she could feel herself losing in him.

Her lips tasted like strawberries and cigarettes.

The sparks in her heart brightened her entire life, he seemed so close.

He pressed her back harshly at the wall, the frames fell down, breaking into pieces.

But they didn't care.

"You make me hate myself", he whispered, gently messing her hair.

She felt trapped, in between her love and his hate.

They broke the kiss, breathing heavily. His hand rested at the wall above her head, her eyes were closed as the moonlight fell on her side profile. The winds blew her hair making her look heavenly. He pulled her closer, she snuggled deeper in his chest.

"Make me yours t-tonight", she scratched his back, stuttering with her words.

He smirked, pulling away, locking the stares, "Lets not regret our decisions."

He stepped away, ready to walk out of the room. She stopped him, holding his wrist, "Don't hate me."

"Why shouldn't I?", his voice was soft, unusual and melodic.

"Because you promised me not to."

"You had promised me something too, remember?"

She was taken aback.

He walked out of the room, leaving behind a broken woman. He didn't have the courage to face her anymore. His tears were not meant for her to see. He didn't want to be judged by someone whom he had once loved with his whole heart. She minced towards the bathroom, with a heart filled with both ease and guilt.

Her lipstick was smudged, eyes were shining brightly. Her fingers grazed over her lips, while her heart felt confused at both of their actions. Her reflection appeared to be struggling, should she be happy or should she regret?

She splashed the water all over her face, trying to wash away the tiredness. She leaned her head against the mirror, "Why do you make me weak?"

Was this touch necessary?

It was all getting better or worse?

~

JUNGKOOK'S POV

He paced back and forth in the balcony, staring at the moon with blurry eyes, "Why did I do this?"

He dropped himself on the couch, laid down, resting the head on the cushions and the tears fell on the floor. He continued to stare in space, waiting for the sleep to embrace him but the eyes seemed void of everything, both emotions and sleep.

He turned sides but nothing worked. Finally he walked inside the room, sat on the bed and pulled the drawers, bringing out the sleeping pills.

"Where are we standing at this point?"

Y/N's POV

She hissed falling on the soft mattress. A smile curved upon her lips, reminiscing the moments. Her heart bloated with joy. She squeezed the sheets in her tiny fists, snuggling her face in her pillow. Her every muscle was extremely happy. Her heart was extremely happy.

The door of her room creaked open, he peeked in and found her sleeping soundly. Tiptoeing up to her, he knelt down near her side of the bed. His lips had a smile too, a genuine one, after so long. "You are so beautiful", he caressed her hair, pecked her nose and gently took her hand in his.

"It has always been you. Yesterday, today and in the future. There is no Jungkook without Y/N. I have always missed you, your presence and your love." He rested his head on her bed, carefully placing her hand over his head, trying to find comfort and relief, trying to find his home. "I am an animal, a furious animal who is still living in his past. Is it really okay if I let you in again? What if you hurt me again? I can't bear it. I am really weak."

He whimpered, crying silently. His fingers clutched the shirt over his chest tightly. The hurting memories were all over his mind, even if he tried to look for the happy moments he couldn't.

After a while, he got up from his place, mopped the tears and leaned forward, placing a soft peck on her forehead.

"Good night, love."

~

Waking up to the bright sunlight and chirping birds she yawned, opening a large mouth, "Darn it." She stepped out of the bed, mincing towards the bathroom to clean herself to go and prepare a breakfast for Jungkook.

She turned the stove off and called out to her son. Her curious almond eyes looked out for him at the stairs but he never came.

"Where is your dad, Subin?" She chuckled as he looked up from his plate, mouth filled with food, looking adorable like his father.

"Dad went to work", her brows crashed in confusion. Was he avoiding her? Did yesterday mean nothing?

"T-This early?", she stuttered still looking towards the direction of his room.

"Dad has a meeting with Jin uncle."

Her heart felt at ease. Or did she try deliberately?

She nodded quickly, passing to him a wide, beautiful smile and got herself some food too.

"Wanna go and play with your friends?", she asked, still focusing on her food while the kid got excited and clapped. He gulped the water quickly, jumped down the chair, taking his dishes to the kitchen. She laughed seeing him tiptoeing to reach the sink and grabbed the dishes from his hands, "It's okay, I'll keep them. Go and get ready."

She flopped herself on the couch, eyes staring at the number with a dilemma, "Should I call him?"

"Jungkook?", she held the phone tightly.

"What?", he uttered with a monotonous voice and her heart did a somersault.

"C-Can I go and meet Hoseok?"

The line went silent for a while, scaring her to death. She clenched her jaws in fear and clutched her trousers tightly. She could hear him licking his lips. She finally spoke again, "I wanna talk about some work at the company with him."

"You ain't lying?", he questioned with not a very understandable tone.

"I promised I ain't."

Promises are meant to be broken.

"Okay", he ended the call and she jumped off the couch and ran to her room to get changed.

Hard life surely makes easy decisions harder to take.