Ambivalence || JJK ✓

Chapter 23

"I'll wipe your tears but who will wipe mine? "

"W-What? Did she-", Jimin stutterd, he cut him off.

"No. She didn't. Our love was true. Our love was strong. But her trust was weaker." He scoffed, eyes glistening with tears. He wanted to scream to the world how weak he was, how weak she made him but he couldn't. He had no guts.

"But Jungkook it was the past. Forget it. She is sorry-"

"Let me ask you a question then. Will you accept your ex girlfriend, who cheated on you with your own brother? Will you forgive her, accept her apology and start again just because you once loved her?" He had an evident smirk, while the elder's heart dropped to the pit of his stomach.

"W-Why are you bringing her in between?", Jimin stood up at his place, eyes shaking in pain.

"I... I am not bringing her here hyung, I am just asking you a question... Will you? I supported you in every decision of your life, can't you even let me do whatever pleases my heart?... Let me hate her 'cause loving her wasn't worthy."

Jimin's hand lifted up a new glass from the table. He mixed the ice cubes, bringing it up to his lips and looked through the translucent liquid into his eyes, "... Do whatever you want. This time I can't support you but I ain't against you. You know it all. Whenever you feel lost just...", he took his hand, placing it over his heart, "Listen to it, it will never lie to you."

He was passing by her room, pace slowing down on it's own. He kept staring at the wooden door, mind racing a marathon.

Why am I doing this?

He twisted the knob, entering the dark room. The room was empty. He slowly stepped in, scanning the arena. The light pink walls, her faint scent, her cries, her smiles, he could feel it all.

"W-What are you doing here?", he flinched turning around. She stood there, holding a bottle of alcohol. She was tipsy enough to not even able to stand on her own. "Are you drunk?", he stepped closer while she pushed him and stepped back.

She narrowed her eyes, curled her hair with her fingers and smiled hazily, "J-Jungkooooooooook is that YoU?"

He sighed.

"Hi HuBbY- OoPs Ex HuBbY", she giggled. "YoU MiGhT NoT rEmEmBeR Me... I am Y/N. ThE LoSeR."

He gulped, her eyes started to tear up. "Y/N-"

"NO, YOU ARE LISTENING T-TO ME." She screamed, pointing her finger at him.

"W-Why do you hate me? Why? Why can't you love me? A-Am I not pretty now? A-Am I fat? Am I ugly? Do you love someone else?" His eyes widened. He shook his head while she started to laugh cockily. "S-So you have someone else? Is it that E-EunJae?"

"N-No", he whispered, starting to walk backwards while she started to come closer.

She unbottoned her blouse, messed her hair and smiled. "Y-Y/N stop", he plead.

"I won't. I caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan't." She laughed again but suddenly stopped. Her eyes were red, filled with pain. She ran towards him, grabbing him by his neck and attacked his lips. His eyes were shaking, limbs were quivering and heart was beating loudly.

She moved her lips faster, biting him as his lips started to bleed. She started sucking the life outta them while he stood there numb. When she felt herself out of breath and him not kissing back she pushed him away slightly. She pulled out her blouse, again walking closer to him.

"Y/N STOP. I SAID STOP RIGHT THERE." He yelled. She hung her hands around his torso, hugging him tightly and started crying bitterly. "Y-Y/N", he stuttered but she didn't budge. His tears fell, his heart pained. He broke more. He pushed her away, she fell on the bed. "We aren't what you want us to be. We can never be-"

He turned to face the window, to hide his tears. He looked back at her but she was sleeping peacefully.

~

"Mom I am hungry", she smiled plating the breakfast on the table, unaware of the last night. She sat at the chair, beside her son. "Shall I feed you?", she questioned, with a slight smile on her lips.

"Your breakfast is ready Jungkook", he nodded, taking a seat beside his son. "D-Did you eat?", he asked, not looking at her. She smiled warmly. Maybe he was ready to start again? That's what she thought.

She nodded, suppressing her smile. His eyes were cold, emotionless but she couldn't see. He didn't let her see that. "Words. I want words Shin Y/N." He sounded scarier than ever. She felt confused. Was she missing something?

"I-I did."

~

"Can you take me to the cemetery? It's my brother's death anniversary today." She peeped in his room. He sat on the bed, back facing the door. His eyes were filled with tears. The throat was dry. His heart was beating unevenly.

"J-Jungkook?", she called out again not receiving any respond. She pushed the door wide, ready to step in.

"When?", she stopped at the door frame. He was acting weird. He was far beyond what she was thinking. "Are you okay?", she spoke from the door, but he never replied.

"When do you want to go?", he said again, leaving her confused and heart broken. She indeed had lost the right to care for him.

"Whatever time suits you-"

"Get ready, we are leaving right now."

~

"I miss you so m-much. Forgive me p-please." She placed the flowers over the grave, running her fingers all over the grave. A sob escaped her mouth, betraying her. She placed her head, letting the warm droplets fall on the surface, "It's so h-hard without you Yunhyung. I feel like a loser."

Her breathing became heavy, she cried miserably, starting to choke upon her own tears. He ran towards her, kneeling down, patting her back, "Calm down. Just... just breathe okay? You are strong Y/N... just breathe."

The tears felt endless.

She sneaked her hands around his torso, snuggling deeper into his chest, wetting it. He flinched but gradually let her do whatever could make her feel alive and calm. He caressed her hair, smiling sadly to himself, "It's okay. Do you want to go back?"

"Jungkook w-will Yunhyung ever forgive me?", he sighed, not knowing how to answer. His hand stopped running down her hair. He brought his hands on her waist, pulling her closer. "He will... He loves you alot. Let's go back."

JUNGKOOK'S POV

He fixed the seat belt, combing her bangs. She was sleeping, with tear stained cheeks. He smiled to himself, eyes filled with tears. Heart filled with unsaid emotions. He glanced at her fingers. Long, slender, beautiful fingers. Once holding the ring. Once holding the divorce papers. Once holding his cheeks. Once wiping his tears.

He gripped the steering tightly, recalling the hurtful memories. He missed them. He missed his wife. He missed his best friend. The heart felt hollow without them. He pulled the breaks, screeching the tyres and hopped out of the car, feeling suffocated.

He dwadled towards a place, far from his car. His fingers ran down his hair. The forehead was wet with sweat, the heart was pounding with tension. The voice disappeared as he gasped, gobbling in the lump.

He stared at the sky, cocking the brows, trying to smile a painful smile.

The tears finally fell down and soon the sobs became evident, "Y-Yumi I am l-losing." He whined, shutting the eyes tightly, crying like a toddler. "We are close yet so f-far." The breeze hit his moistened cheeks, drying the tears. He stood there for a while, trying to ease the pain.

He unlocked the door of the car. The sight of her sleeping made him smile. He bent closer, fixing her hair strands and placed a soft peck on her forehead, "You did well."