Ambivalence || JJK ✓

Chapter 42

"Hate me or love me, we are still breathing the same air."

JUNGKOOK'S POV

Disencumbering the last set of clothes and placing it carefully in the closet, he exhaled heavily.

"Finally, it's done", he mumbled, chuckling under his breath. He pushed back his long hair, tying them up in a bun and pulled away the glasses, throwing them somewhere on the nightstand. 

He picked up the black tank top from the bed, slipped it on the upper body, and stood up with haste, taking quick steps towards the balcony. The long muscular legs peeped through his black shorts. He had been working out a lot lately. 

His buff chest, tattooed arm, piercings, hairstyle. He looked so ethereal, but this handsome hunk had an ugly looking, burnt to ashes, heart.

His fingers roamed inside the pocket of his shorts, the nerves popping off. He fetched out a fresh packet of cigarettes, lifted up a bottle of alcohol from the nightstand and minced towards the wooden chair kept at the center. 

He pulled out a cigarette, lit it up and sucked it, his lips wrapped around it like a creeper. The smoke floated in the air as he puffed out some rings and picked up his phone.

The moon was shining beautifully in the peaceful night sky. His lips curled up into a small smile as his eyes stared at the wallpaper. It was a picture of Subin and Mirae, standing close to him, holding his hands, smiling beautifully at the camera.

He scoffed, feeling his eyes burn, and quickly blinked away the tears before they could make their way down his cheeks. 

The throat felt heavy with the lump which was so hard to swallow down. He quaffed in a big sip of his alcohol and dialed a number. 

Sitting crossed leg, he could feel the air hitting his exposed thighs and arms. It felt so good. 

It's just feelings, they will go away eventually.

"Subin~", he detached the bottle from his rosy lips, he could clearly imagine the boy sulking over the other end.

"I am mad at you! Why didn't you take me with you, Dad? I wanted to go on a vacation with you and Mirae."

A warm smile pressed up on his chapped lips. He placed the bottle on the table and leaned backwards on the chair, "Did you eat your dinner?"

He fidgeted with his fingers. The eyes were fixated on the lamps lit on the street. The silence was relaxing, calming down the hot running blood in his veins. His heart thumped with ease against the ribs. The air hit his face; his bangs danced along. His eyes had a tint of weariness, yet he wanted to keep on talking with his son. Nothing could make him feel better but him.

"I did. Did you eat dad?", he smiled, nodding his head, pushing back his hair, "Yes, dad had his dinner a while ago."

"Can we have a face time dad?"

"Let's not disturb grandpa and granny, okay? They must be tired", he rejected politely.

He knew well the young lad must be pouting. 

"Don't pout young boy", and he burst into a fistful of silent laughter, ruffling his hair.

~

The room was dark, silent, witnessing a young man lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling with numb and tired eyes.

He gripped the satin sheets tightly and licked his lips, trying to conquer the inner turmoil, which was no doubt twisting the knots of his tired brain. 

His heart thumped, skipping beats, with a not so pleasant melody. He hated it. He hated how he was acting like an overly obsessive lover a few months back.

 He hated the love he was waiting to get back, which never made him realize his own worth.

 Lying lifelessly on the bed in utter darkness, he wanted to rant out so much. 

All these months long, he had learned how to keep everything hidden to himself, but it was making him feel sick at some point in life.

Was meeting her in the first place necessary? The memories pinched him everywhere, making him whimper in exasperation.

He wanted the sleep to embrace him as the emotions had slowly started to take the best of him, pushing him back to someone whom he never wanted to be again.

He closed those tired eyelids, feeling them burning. But to his unluck, the sleep was miles away. 

He felt so betrayed.

He turned sides on the bed, wiggling under the sheets, feeling restless. He got up suddenly, pulled off his top and got to his feet. 

He could feel the sudden panic and agitation arousing in him. 

He wiped the sweat from the upper lip and walked towards the closet, feeding himself with the sleeping pills.

All he wanted at the moment was to call the day off.

Y/N's POV

She stood under the moonlight, absorbing the eternal charm. The tears rolled down, she had no strength to hold them back any longer. 

The world saw his pain, but no one asked for hers. 

She was equally hurt. 

But for everyone she was the worst, the person who did the maximum wrong. 

One part of her heart was still beating for him but the other wanted to give up. 

Her heart was tired beating so unevenly, it wanted its peace now. 

She never regretted the moments she had with him, but the moments never brought happiness to him. He could never get what he deserved.

Feeling two strong hands snaking around her shoulders, she slanted the head lazily, and smiled dreamily, admiring the ethereal man next to her, "What are you doing here at this time bimbo?"

Her lips wilted down, she gripped the railing with shaking and tired fingers, staring at the moon, "I don't know. Maybe trying to find answers to some questions?"

"It's 1:23 am, let's sleep", he patted her head.

He turned around, ready to leave, yawning widely, but she held his hand, halting him.

He turned to face her with frowned brows, "What-"

Before he could complete his sentence, she hugged him, snuggling deeper in his chest, twisting the knots in his stomach.