Ambivalence || JJK ✓

Chapter 9

"Something seems off, who is wrong?"

JUNGKOOK'S POV

He rubbed his swollen eyes as the sunlight hit them and sat back with a yawn. His eyes fluttered at the strong daylight and he stretched his limbs feeling them sore. The drool at the corner of his pink lips, his messy hair, white oversized hoodie, muscular legs. The long lashes were shining under the sunlight.

The door creaked open and he stepped in cautiously, tip toeing up to the bed of his son. His eyes twinkled seeing him sleeping peacefully, wrapped in the satin sheets.

"Subin, wake up it's time for school", he whispered, huskily, near his tiny ears, holding his hand. He was beautiful just like his mom.

He smiled to himself seeing his son pouting and snuggling deeper in the covers. His eyes cascaded to the note kept on the nightstand:

Dad, I am sorry. I should have not gone to the amusement park. It was not mom's fault. You should have not scolded her. I had asked her to take me to the toy store. That man was touching her in a bad way. She was very hurt, I promise I will not go with mom anywhere but please don't shout at her. It hurts me to see my father scolding my mother. I love you, sorry once again.

A thin layer of fresh tears brimmed his eyes, wetting the lashes and he caressed his head lovingly, "I can't help but get angry at her. Tell me is it all my fault?"

~

"I feel so tired", he lazily dropped his body on the couch. The closed eyes without his permission pictured her. His heart urged to be closer to the same person who broke it.

"You are beautiful but your soul is ugly. Your sorry feels like a venom, it's poisoning my soul. It is failing to bring pleasure to my ears. It's just your pity over my state.

How am I gonna t-treat my thoughts? They are so scary.

I can forgive you but I am not ready to face the situation, I am not ready to a-accept you. I can't accept your apology because I don't trust m-myself enough. I don't know if I'll be able to keep you happy, I don't know if I'll be able to accept our fading love or if I'll be able to give y-you priority instead of others."

It felt hard to loosen the stiffened heart, to race the beats evenly, to rebuild the shattered moments. The silhouette of happiness was fading away. Even breathing the same air felt difficult. The presence of each other seemed unhealthy. Insecurities were at peak making it tough to de tangle the threads of hatred and love.

It was all disintegrating and the only solution was a chance.

Misunderstandings always lead us to the biggest mess. Y/N's and Jungkook's claim of loving each sounded unjustifiable. It looked like a sugar coated hate.

What was the need to lie to their own self?

Y/N's POV

The corner of her chapped lips wilted even if she wanted to smile. She dabbed the last puff under her eyes with tired fingers, the vision was lost, dried and giving up hope. She kept on gawking at the cracked mirror. A tear trickled down, her lips flickered.

"Do you think I am a fool to still not give up on you?"

She was trying to be strong the same way he was. She was trying to hate the same he was. She was trying to be guilty the same way he was. But she failed. She failed so miserably that she started to look down up on her own self.

Her legs swung as she sat at the corner of her bed, talking to herself, " I wish I could turn back time and make it all alright. Only a piece of you and me will keep me warm all night. If I could turn back time and rewrite every line. If only I could but baby I can't. I lost you and I lost my mind and now I try to leave it all behind but you still haunt me no matter where I go."

~

She sighed for the nth time glancing at her wrist watch. 8: 47 am. Her mind raced a marathon, waiting for Hoseok. The steamy coffee was on the verge of getting cold. She licked her chapped lips, pushed back her bangs and fidgeted with the helm of her dress.

Her slender fingers ran till the end of her choco-brown waist length hair. The house was drop dead silent. Only her breaths, the pacing heart and the water drops were audible. She placed the mug in the sink and pricked out the breads, ready to make her breakfast.

She tuned in the radio as it started playing a sad melody. Oh what a brilliant start.

The air was cold.

She picked up the empty bottles of soju lying on the floor across the living room. Her house was a mess. The packets of instant noodles, chips and protein bars were lying on the dining table.

She sighed deeply when the doorbell rang. The man was finally there.

She felt too tired to walk to the door, the hangover was crazy. Yet she did.

The handsome man stood there with a bunch of fresh lilies, and a contagious smile. The warmth his aura radiated made her feel better in an instant. She smiled back, crashing himself in his embrace as he ruffled her thick logs of hair.

His plain dusky brown T-shirt and cargo pants looked good on him, complimenting his well built features. The pointed nose, small and pretty eyes, black hair and beautifully carved lips were ideal for most of the girls.

She walked back to him with a cup of freshly brewed coffee and a plate filled with french toast while he was busy settling himself down. As the aroma hit his nostrils, he crawled himself up on the not so clean couch, pulling her down too.

They talked and ate the breakfast not minding the time.

~

"Where are you taking me Hoseok?", she mumbled, tightening her seat belt. The sun was hitting the sky, partially hiding behind those thick irregular clouds. It was noon when they decided to leave her apartment.

"Jungkook's house", he spoke with a playful smirk.

Her pupils dilated as she chocked on the air. The man next to her burst into laughter as he began hitting his thighs throwing himself all over the place.

She felt infuriated, her nose scrunched up and her brows crashed as she threw a punch at his left shoulder.

"Oww", he hissed even though the hit wasn't hard.

"You like fucking my mornings way too much, don't you?", she quirked a brow.

He leaned forward, rummaging through the dash board, and fetched out a piece of red silk cloth. His fingers skillfully tied it over her eyes making her confused and bewildered for a second.

"Hoseok what is happening?", she questioned but he chose to stay silent adding to her curiosity.

The wind gushed in through the open windows once he started the engine and pushed the accelerator. A sudden silence crept in, not awkward but still not way too comfortable. She was a chatterbox when she was with him, talking to him about unusual stuffs, but for the past few days things weren't going well.

The day she decided to enter his life again, forcefully, all she got was insults, nightmares and regrets.

Suddenly he pulled the breaks, parking the car at the edge of the road and walked towards her side, opening the door for her like a gentleman. He took her hand in his, walking her down the road with caution and patience, still not taking of the blindfold.

"Hoseok are we there?"

"Just a few steps more Y/N."

As he stopped abruptly, she did too. His scent walked down her nostrils as he leaned closer to her and unfolded the clothing off her eyes.

The silk cover slid down, resting on the dusty ground as she fluttered her almond eyes.

"A cemetery?"

The mind was clouded with memories, only bad ones. Her breathing started to get uneven, the heart was throbbing against her ribs, waiting to be thrown out of the body. The palm were sweating and eyes were withering away.

She was hating the moment so much.