Ambivalence || JJK ✓

Chapter 18

"Do you love scaring me so much?"

PRESENT

"Jungkook never did anything wrong Y/N", Hoseok bit the last piece of his doughnut and wiped his mouth with the tissue before crumbling and throwing it on the plate.

"You haven't touched your doughnut yet", he moved his fingers in front of her face as she snapped back to reality, "Oh...oh my god Hoseok what have I done!", her eyes were glistening with tears. Her heart palpitated and she covered her mouth with her quavering hands, trying to die down the sobs.

His eyes twinkled with hope as he held her hands and locked the stares, "It's not late. The bigger the mistakes the later comes the forgiveness. I am always there for you both."

She shook her head in guilt. Her eyes were screaming her pain, "W-What about your relationship with Jungkook?"

He rubbed off the wrinkles from his pants and passed to her a small weary smile, "Don't worry about it. He must have forgotten me over the years. He must... he must have moved on. More than my relationship with him, your matters."

"Thank you for being there with me. I am really sorry for what I did to Yumi. I never knew her, she was so pure. I apologize for my actions, please forgive me. You are her husband and I thought of her as a whore, it's a sin-", he cut her off, "It's okay, humans make mistakes. It really doesn't matter because you never knew her intentions. Who am I to be mad at you when she herself never took your words to heart."

"I- I should be leaving now", her voice cracked no matter how stern she tried to sound. Collecting her stuff she stood up, ready to leave, "Let me drop you." She shook her head in denial and smiled at him, "It's okay. I wanna spend some time alone." He understood and patted her head before they finally parted their ways.

"Why didn't I trust him? I wasn't there when he needed me and now he doesn't need me anymore." She sighed, talking to herself, walking down the streets. The lamps were lit up but her life was dark. She was guilty to the soul but how to show it to him? A sudden sway could lead them to this end, she had never imagined.

Her hair danced in the wind as she stood under the moonlight on the bridge. It was so peaceful but she was fighting a battle on the inside. Her fingers tucked the hair behind her ears carelessly. It was late but she could care less. Her eyes were devoid of any feeling. She stood there seeking for ways to forgive herself and ask him for the same. "You are right Jungkook, sorry isn't meant for me. How can I regret loving you when you were the only one who ever loved me?"

She inhaled the fresh air as a lone tear rolled down her milky cheek, "It hurts. It hurts so much Jungkook. Everything without you is hurting me. Even my own soul. Can't we go back to what we were? Am I never worthy of forgiveness?"

"Yunhyung? Are you listening to me? Are you seeing how I am suffereing without you? Is this the punishment of telling the truth? If I knew this is how it gonna end I would have buried everything in my heart. Can't you come back to me? Can't you love your sister a little longer?"

"I am not a gold digger mom. I have always loved Jungkook with all my heart. Why can't you s-see it? Is my love so tiny to disappear easily? I am a human too. It hurts but whom to tell? For everyone I am the one who is wrong. I am the one who deserves this. Am I too easy to h-hurt?"

She slid down at her spot and the tears were more evident now. Her sobs were muffled but couldn't be shooed away. She tried every possible way to make it stop hurting her but she couldn't. Only he could make her feel better but this time he was making her feel pathetic.

Her phone rang for the nth time. She finally laid her eyes on it. The screen was filled with notifications. Her heart ran a marathon seeing his name on the screen. She scooted closer, placing it next to her ear and spoke with a hoarse voice, "Hello?"

"M-Mom please h-help."

Her pupils dilated in fear. She rose up on her feet, "S-Subin? What happened?"

"Mom I am scared." She gulped the lump and lifted up her bag, ready to leave. "I am coming baby. Mom is on her way."

Jungkook, I hope it's not you.

She ran a marathon to his gate and barged in like a maniac. "SUBIN? MOM IS HERE! WHERE ARE YOU?!"

Silence. That's what the walls reciprocated to her. The heartbeats grew louder as she stated taking timid steps. "J-Jungkook? Subin? Where are y-you?"

The rooms were locked, the balcony was empty. The thunder was scary. Her eyes had the fear. She was scared to death.

She walked towards the kitchen with shaky steps. Her heart could come out of her ribs any moment. "Subin? Mom is here." Her ears were on alert as she heard the sobs. She was sure it was her son. "Come out baby. It's mom."

She turned around like a flash, feeling a tug on her dress. "SUBIN!", she exclaimed pulling him a bone crushing hug, "Are you okay? Why are you crying? Where is dad?" She continued to caress his hair, trying to ease the atmosphere.

"D-Dad", his eyes teared up as he pulled out from the hug and stared at her with his doe eyes, "What happened to Dad Subin?"

"D-Dad... room... b-blood." Her heart flipped a somersault as the pupils dilated, chilling the blood in her veins, "W-What happened to him?", a whisper-like voice escaped her mouth as he pulled her finger and took her to his father's room.

She bursted the door open as her world collapsed, "J-Jungkook? W-What has happened to y-you?" She shook his body like a kid as he laid there unconscious. "J-Jungkook, w-wake up."

On the floor laid the young man with blood oozing out from his forehead. His pulses were getting low with every passing second. The photo frame was lying next to him, broken into pieces. The scene was heart wrenching. She sobbed, fetching out her phone from the purse, "H-Hoseok... J-Jungkook. Something has happened to him. Come to his h-house."

She scooted closer to him, placing his head on her lap, "Y-You'll be okay. I am h-here."

Her heart shuddered looking at her son. She pulled him in her embrace, praying to her stars to keep the love of her life safe.