Ambivalence || JJK ✓

Chapter 39

SUICIDAL CHAPTER. PLEASE DON'T READ IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED.

- - -

"My worth was the cost of catching just a single glimpse of you."

JUNGKOOK'S POV

He ran after her, with wobbling legs, moist eyes, heart burning in agony. All he wanted desperately was a chance. A chance to get everything back on track. A chance to make himself happy again. A chance to feel her warmth. She was his life; without her it was so colorless.

The words needed to be spoken out.

Her sight made him feel horrified. She looked so vulnerable, her cries were so painful, choking him to death. He bit his lower lip harshly, sucking every drop of blood in it. His knuckles were as pale as his face. He was so scared. 

The lump in his throat was harder than any rock. A single tear of her was enough to paint him with uncountable guilts. What about the promise now? Didn't he promise to never let her cry? And here she was crying more than she ever did for her brother.

He inhaled heavily, even the air seemed no less than poison. His heart was tearing apart with every nervous step he started to take closer to her corpse like body. He fixed his glasses, slid back the hair, wiped the sweaty forehead, and fisted the hands tightly.

Just a few steps more and he'll embrace her like there is no tomorrow.

If it was as easy at it seems.

Crack.

Another crack.

One more.

A bigger than previous.

He stopped, shaking from the top to bottom. This can't be happening in front of his eyes. Oh, how much he wanted to turn blind.

How could a man be so close to her? 

What did he miss? 

When did she get so close to someone who is not him?

His every breath hitched badly seeing the man leaning closer, engulfing her in those huge arms.
His eyes were no more shedding tears, they were shedding lava, burning every single nerve, every single blood cell, every single breath.

How could that man cup her face?

How could he peck her forehead?

How could he replace his existence?

How could he make her happy but he not?

The world felt like it was drowning drastically. He could listen to his heart breaking into millions of pieces slowly and slowly. That was the end of every dream he had dreamt of them. He stumbled on his feet, taking support of a tree, wanting to hide himself in its shelter. 

At this moment he forgot everything. Every fucking thing.

The lips curved, shaking heavily, into a bitter smile, "You must have moved on, I knew. But in this way? I had never imagined."

"You.. You really did move on, h-honey. You have someone n-now. Who am I to even question that? 

I love you and... for your happiness I'll let you g-go. 

I really don't deserve any love. In the end it's me who is bound to suffer.. 

You are a lucky guy 'cause you got the best girl but... look at me?

I need to go now.. I love you honey", the eyes glanced at the sky, twinkling with tears, the sobs grow louder, "I am sorry.. Yumi."

The moment the signal turned red, he pulled the breaks, resting his head on the steering wheel. The eyes were shut so tightly, tears rocking down one by one. Everything was hurting so badly; it was scaring deeper this time. The wound was bleeding recklessly. He didn't want to cure it, he just wanted the pain to go away.