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- O N E H U N D R E D & F I F T Y N I N E -

cw/tw - panic attack

~ tommys pov ~

everyone had gone to bed and i was sat there wide awake, every time i even heard a creak in the floorboards i would flinch. my heart would begin racing and my breathing pace would increase, every single time that happened it made me more awake.

i was coming up on my second night of not sleeping and i hated it, i could always feel my eyes on the verge of closing and when they did eventually close they would open almost instantly as soon as the tiniest noise was made.

even if it was something outside i would wake up, it was 3am and i still hadn't been able to stay asleep for ten minutes without being awoken. i had put my headphones on but it still didn't work, no matter what i tried i couldn't sleep.

i didn't want to bother anyone in the house but i felt like i had to do something at this point so i decided to head downstairs very quietly and get some food from the kitchen, i didn't want to eat loads and throw up like yesterday but i wanted to eat enough to gain some weight.

as i sat there eating way more than food i should have had i saw a light turn on from the stairs and my heart dropped immediately, someone was awake and i was going to be in a lot of trouble.

the footsteps got closer to the stairs and my heart race increased drastically, i felt tears forming in my eyes and my body was shaking, mostly my arms. i was in a state of shock and didn't know what to do, i just sat there crying silently as i waited for what was coming next.

"tommy?" a voice says and the kitchen light flicks back on.

through my blurred vision i was able to make out that it was techno from his pink hair but that was just about it, i saw his figure come closer and immediately jumped out of my chair and began backing away from him until i hit the corner of the room and slowly sunk down to the floor.

he had stopped moving as soon as i backed away from him but i continued to moving away, all i could see was lisa hitting me again and i didn't know what to do except cry. i felt embarrassed and ashamed, i knew that as soon as this had all stopped it would be the worst thing imaginable.

i would be questioned about so many things, why i was up?, why i was eating all that food? and most of all, why was i freaking out so much?

that just sent me down a bigger spiral, i knew they were going to send me back now. they didn't even have to keep me and at christmas i would've been an even more bigger problem for them so it's better for everyone if i just get sent to a group home instead of being here.

"tommy you're okay" i heard techno whisper-shouted from half way across the room "you're safe here and no one's gonna hurt you"

i try to calm down my breathing but i fail "copy my breathing tommy" he instructs me as he comes closer and i actually don't move which surprised me, i copied his breathing over and over until it actually came to a steady pace which took a few minutes.

"do you want to come upstairs to my room buddy?" i nod silently "alright, let's get you off the floor"

AUTHORS NOTE

yooo sorry for not uploading
i've been stressed with exams
all week and i've got them this
week but here we go with another
update <33