Dancing On Thin Ice // KTH

Chapter 113

"Um--" Carmela immediately turned around and darted towards the door, frightened.

She felt cold and shivered as she felt his eyes behind him.

"Carmela." His voice was the same but weaker.

Carmela froze, struggling what to do or what to think. She really didn't want to be in this situation right now, and elevate his ill condition when he was finally doing so well--

Why the fuck did I come in here? Why, why, why?!

She mentally smacked herself, as fear and guilt shivered through her.

Nervous, she slowly turned around to face the boy on the bed once more.

He was looking at her. His searing stare cut through her sharply.

Carmela took a shaky breath, shifting her weight.

"Look, I-I'm really sorry-- I shouldn't be here, I know. I'm going, I won't come back, like ever--" She tried to level her voice as it rose three pitches.

His face was unmoving, but he blinked, and narrowed his dark eyes on her.

"I'm going... I'm sorry... I really am, Tae--" A tear fell down her face as his name left her lips and she moved to exit again--

"What?" He asked.

Carmela looked back at him. His hand reached down and pushed against a button on the side of his bed and the mattress straightened him up, slowly, gradually coming to an almost sitting but not quite lying position.

"I just... I know I shouldn't have tried to come in here--" Carmela tried to repeat.

"Okay stop, what are you going on about?" He was puzzled. Carmela gaped as the corners of his mouth tugged into a little smile.

"I-I don't..." She didn't really know what to say or if what was happening was even real. Was he playing with her? Implying something of hate with his words?

Tae brushed his dark hair away from his forehead, his eyes getting glossier.

"Carmela." His voice broke, and he smiled widely, a few tears trickling down his pale face.

He was crying.

Carmela felt her own sob escape from her mouth as she stood in complete shock at his familiar smile. She bit her lip and blinked back tears, as Tae let out a relieved sigh.

"Tae--I'm sorry--" Carmela squeaked between her sob.

"Come here." He gestured to himself.

Without a second thought, Carmela ran to him and put her arms around his neck, cradling his head under her chin. He was shaking.

"I'm so sorry, Tae..." Carmela wept to him. "I'm so sorry for everything I've done to you--"

"Shhh, hey..." His deep voice buzzed against her. "It was never your fault. None of it was, baby, you got that?" His voice broke as he spoke into her neck, his warm lips gently kissing her.

What made her really sad was that deep down... she knew. She knew who he was and that it was all just some giant misunderstanding. But she didn't accept anything or listen... she refused to fucking listen.

Carmela cried into his hair, breathing in his scent, his soft familiar curls. She couldn't even believe this was real... he didn't hate her? How could he not, after everything she'd done to him and his state right now?

She let go of him, and stepped back, but he held both of her hands, tugging her close to the edge of the bed.

He watched her try to ease away from his hands.

"Carmela... whatever happened, and not just now--" He smiled down at his wounded chest, as Carmela gulped. "-- but all these years, all this shit that went down..."

"I should never have believed them, Tae... I didn't trust you." She was looking down, full of shame, tears making her vision blurry. "I wasn't there when I should have been. I-I wish I just listened to you once, once!"

"No, baby, you don't understand." Tae tipped her chin, weakly, but she lifted her eyes to see him smiling sadly at her.

"Understand what?" She asked, quickly wiping her tears on her sleeve.

"All of it was part of the plan. There was no way you would have found out the truth, they made sure of that." He said.

"What do you mean? There's more to the plan?" Carmela furrowed her brows, intrigued.

"Hosi, Roxana... don't you think they knew you were going to see me one day? And ask me, just like you did, if I..." Tae looked down between them at their joined hands, sighing. "I'm really sorry about Jules, Carmela..."

She smiled at him, her heart thudding. He was innocent. He was truly the same Tae as she knew from before. From two years before, he was the same boy she had fallen in love with.

"And do you remember what I said when you asked me why? Why did I do such a thing--" He sang dramatically, laughing a little. "Do you remember what I said to you, Carmela?"

"You said..." The memory of that day in the parking lot after seeing him in person for the first time in two years, flung across her eyes. "You said something I never understood... you said everything you ever did was to protect me?" She tilted her head, confusion in her words.

"See now how you could have never known the truth? Because I couldn't tell you."

"What do you mean?"

Tae hesitated. His eyes travelled all over her puzzled tear-stricken face. Then he lifted Carmela's hand to his rosy lips, and gave it a kiss, sending electric prickles down her entire arm.

Then he looked up at her again.

"I couldn't tell you the truth... I couldn't tell anyone the truth, the guys, the police, even my own lawyer--"

"Why, Tae?" Carmela persisted.

"Because." Tae's expression went dark as he spoke in a low voice. "Hosi said he was gonna do to you the same he did to Jules if I ever spoke out for myself."