PERFECT LIE (COMPLETE)

CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT (AB)

Life has to end, love doesn't – Mitch Albom

Riel

"Tell him, Javier. Tell him the reason why you adopted him. Because you learned that Maria Silva got pregnant and had a kid."

"Of course. Because Gabriel is your real son. You raped Maria Silva and got her pregnant too."

My hands were shaking. Ghost voice was like an echo inside my head. Telling me the hard truth over and over. Like the devil who was taunting me. Teasing me to listen to all the truth that his mouth has to say. Truth that I wished I had never known.

"Because Gabriel is your real son."

Humihingal ako. Pakiramdam ko ay kakapusin ako sa paghinga. Hanggang sa kailangan kong bumigay at humagulgol ako.

Parang batang umaatungal habang nakaupo sa isang sulok ng kuwarto ko. Walang pakialam na sira-sira ang mga gamit ko dito. Nagsabog ang gamit. Ang mga wasak na upuan, mesa. Nagkalat na mga damit. I needed to let out the anger in me. The truth that was thrown at me was too much to bear. I didn't know if I can still function after this.

Tatay Javier.

"Fuck you," umiiyak na sabi ko kahit wala naman akong kausap doon. "Fuck you!" Malakas kong sigaw at dinampot ang baril na nasa tabi ko at ipinutok iyon ng ipinutok hanggang sa mapagod ako at muli ay humagulgol ng iyak at isinubsob ang mukha sa mga kamay ko.

Bakit ganoon? Ang dami kong tanong. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit kailangang ganoon ang mga pangyayari sa buhay ko? Hindi pa ba sapat na namatay ang nanay ko? Matinding sakit na ang nangyari sa akin noon. Napakasakit. Pero pinilit kong ibahin ang buhay ko. Pinilit kong maging mabuting tao, maging tapat sa serbisyo. Pumapatay man ako, pero sinisiguro kong mga masasamang tao ang mga iyon. Pero bakit pakiramdam ko hindi pa rin ako mahal ng Diyos? Bakit pinabayaan niyang mangyari ito sa buhay ko?

Bakit niya ako binigyan ng isang demonyong ama?

Nanginginig ang kamay ko habang nakatingin sa hawak kong baril. Javier Silva raped my mother. He also raped the woman that I love. Napapikit ako at napapailing. Pakiramdam ko ay sasabog na ulo ko. Gusto kong balikan ang lalaking iyon at talagang papatayin ko siya.

Inampon niya ako. Pinalaki na parang tunay niyang anak dahil iyon pala iyon ang totoo. He fucking lied to me. He perfectly did the fucking lie right into my face so he could cover all the horrible things that he did. Napapailing ako habang patuloy ang pagbukal ng luha sa mga mata ko. Isinandal ko ang ulo sa sinasandalan kong dingding habang nanatiling nakatingin sa hawak kong baril. Tinanggal ko ang magazine at nakita kong wala na iyong laman pero sigurado akong may isang bala pang naiwan sa chamber.

Ikinasa ko ang baril tapos ay unti-unti kong inilagay sa tapat ng sentido ko ang dulo noon. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang malamig na bakal. Nagtatagis ang bagang ko at isang bahagi ng isip ko ang nagsasabi na iputok ko iyon. Ang higpit ng hawak ko sa baril. Ang hintuturo ko ay nakakawit sa gatilyo.

One shot.

That was all I needed to do and everything will be over.

Now I knew why Meara ran away. She saw that fucking Javier Silva here. She saw the man who ruined her life. And I realized, I was an accomplice of her nightmare. If I hadn't arrested her, that won't happen. She won't be raped. She won't meet Perry. She won't have a miserable life.

Everything that happened to her was my fault.

There was no reason to move on at all. I knew our love story was already fucked up. There won't be us anymore. After all of the secrets that had been spilled, I am sure Meara would hate me. I am the son of her rapist. And that god damn asshole was the father of her son.