The Own Goal ✔️

Part 86

I pretend to be asleep when Jack walks through to our ensuite.
He spent the night in Mia's room.

Neither of us apologised. Instead we childishly acted civil eating with Mia, whilst actually ignoring each other.
Jack put Mia to bed and read her extra stories to avoid me for longer.
He then sat with Esme on his chest as he played FIFA while I had a shower.
I'd left him to it and took Esme from him without saying anything then went to bed.
When Esme woke me at 2am his side of the bed was empty and cold.
As I fed the baby I'd watched him sleeping next to Mia, her curls partially covering his face on our security camera app.
I could have gone and got him, I should have.
But I didn't.

He emerges from the ensuite then goes straight into the dressing room.
Several minutes pass before I hear him again. I sense him infront of me, the other side of Esme's crib.
"Hey beautiful. Please be good for mommy" I hear him kiss her. "I love ya Essie"
He's standing there, staring at me.
Then I hear the unmistakable thud of little footsteps down the hall.

"Mama!! I itchy again!" She wails

"Shhhhhh" I hear him dash across the room. "Mommy's sleeping, let's leave her a bit hey? She needs some sleep"

"I itchy daddy. Look at my spots!"

"I know princess, shall we get ya some more cream, then I'll do ya breakfast"

He's in the doorway now talking quietly to her.
"Are you flying on a plane today daddy?"

"Yeah, I am! Do ya wan' me to send ya a photo of the clouds?"

"Daddy I come too?"

"Ya can't this time princess"
I can hardly hear them as they move down the hall, but I hear what comes next because Mia shouts it, in an angry voice, and it shatters me.

"But mammy just shouts and cries! Don't Go daddy!!!"

I eventually go downstairs at 9.30.

My intention is to pass Esme to Jack and make him a coffee or something to take with him.
He's leaning against the kitchen side texting when I walk in.
"Ah good I was jus' about to wake ya, I gotta go now. Kyle needs a lift"

"Oh, ok, well take Esme and I'll make you a drink to take with you?" I hold Esme out to him, like she's a peace offering or something.

"I can't, I need to go now" he puts his phone in his pocket.

"Well you should of woke me sooner!"

"Wot? He only jus' text me"

"Well Kyle should be fucking more organised!"

"CHELSEA!" he scolds me for swearing infront of Mia, whose sat at the table happily eating readybrek. Of course he got that right.
"His car wouldn't start when he tried to leave? Not sure how bein' more organised would help?"

Esme starts crying. Of course she does.

"Oh whatever, I'll see you Saturday" I jiggle Esme whilst opening the cold water steriliser to fish for a dummy.

"Ah I literally just changed that water, it's not been fifeteen minutes yet"
Seriously!?

"I did it last night Jack! It's good for twenty four hours! Not twelve!"

"I didn't know that did I? I thought you do it in the morning as well!"

I do, but I take the dummies out first and put them in the little sterile box that's also currently floating around in the steriliser.

"Ah ya know wot, I can't win with you can I?" He straightens up. "I'm going"

He crosses the room to kiss Mia goodbye and tells her he loves her, then he quickly kisses Esme's head, again saying he loves her, which just makes her scream more, making me huff at him.

There's a moment, our eyes meet, but his gaze is as stoney as I reckon my face is.
"Just incase the plane crashes I love you too Chels"  but there's no kiss for me before he storms out of the house.

Him leaving the house turns the Alexa screen onto the front camera. I watch him kick the gravel angrily before getting in the car. The door slam is audible.
As is the screech of him wheel spinning out of the drive.

-

Mid afternoon and I've actually got Esme settled on her playmat and I'm able to sit on the floor to do a puzzle with Esme.

"Mia" I start gently, her big eyes, which are a carbon copy of Jack's, look up at me.
"Mia, mummy's sorry for being a moody moo"
My choice of words making her laugh.
"It's just hard being mummy to a brand new baby"
She looks at me and then her sister across from us, considering this.

"Daddy doesn't shout at me"

"Well daddy's a bit better at it than mummy. But mummy's learning"

"Daddy doesn't shout at you, but you shout at him and me, and Esme and she's just a baby" she throws her arms in a very Jack like manner.

I look away, trying to stop the tears that are threatening.

Suddenly my phone alerts me to our gates opening. I quickly unlock it.

Fuck sake.
He called her.

"Mia I've just got to answer the door babe, you carry on with the puzzle, I'll be back in a minute"

"Who is it mama?"

"No one" I tell her as I head to the door, closing the lounge door behind me.

I meet Karen on the drive. I can't read her expression as she walks towards me. She's with Kevin. Great.
Jack phoned his parents to tell them how I can't cope and they've both come running.

"I know Jack asked you to come, but honestly Karen, I'm fine, you didn't need to" I try to stay relaxed.

"Jack didn't ask us to come pet - "

" - but last night? He said he called you? And I bet he called you this morning when he left!"

"No, he never called back last night when he said he'd let us know" she looks me up and down.
Yeah so, I've not done  my hair or done any make up, but I am dressed, if old bleach stained leggings and an old t-shirt of Jack's counts as dresed.
"I'm worried about you, me, Chelsea, I'm worried."
She pauses, " And yes, Jack is too, but not to the point he'd ask me to come if you didn't want me to, not yet"
She places her hands on my arms that are crossed over my chest.
"I'm worrying about you Chelsea, I've seen how you've been, how Jack has been, and I know you're not ok"
I bite my lip.
"If it was Kie, or Hollie, I would be checking in on them"
I look away.
"I told you before, regardless of Jack, you're one of mine now pet"

And here come the tears.
As she hugs me and I let myself fall into her embrace, Kevin gets out of the car and lets himself into the house to check on the girls while I full on ugly cry into Karen's arms.