Mercenary |BTS JIMIN MERCENARY FF|

32

JIMIN POV

This was the closest I've ever been to dying. She meant to miss. I taught her too well. Even though she almost killed me, I'm genuinely impressed.

'Can you explain why you almost got killed a second ago?' Namjoon glares at me, pissed off

'Pretty sure she's pissed off.' I can't be bothered to explain. But apparently I can go on his nerves.

'I'll give you one more chance to explain, before I break your neck.' He never threatens, so I know he is genuinely pissed off

'Try whatever you want. Not too bothered. I have more important things to discuss. In 4 days 70 people in containers will be smuggled into port Yor. Before lunchtime.'

'WHAT?! How did you get that?!' Jungkook jumped forward

'I didn't. She did.'

'Sorry, what?' Namjoon raises his eyebrow

'She knows. She heard us. I told her to keep quiet.' If looks could kill, I'd be dead 6 times right now. 'Anyway, one of Isui's people came onto her, so she flirted with him, and he just told her everything because he thought he'll get some.'

'I am beyond confused right now.' Hoseok shakes his head

'I was too, trust me. I was right behind the guy. I saw it all. She wrapped him around her finger in seconds. Impressive.'
I was as angry as you could get watching her all in his face, but as soon as she explained it, a stone fell off my heart. Although she put herself in danger. An idiot.

'Let me get this straight.' Namjoon clears his throat. 'She knows about the whole thing? And she took it upon herself to get the info out of the guy?'

'Something like that. Yes.' I confirm

'I'm not sure if I should thank her or kill her. Or kill you.'

'Let's bust this thing down first, then you can kill us all.' I was gonna walk past him, but he grabbed my arm, pulling me back.

'I wasn't done with you.' He stepped in front of me again. 'Last time. What happened?'

He really won't let this go.

I sighed deeply, making sure he knows I'm annoyed.
'Unfortunately for her, for some dumb fucking reason or reasons, she is in love with me. I just made it clear that it's one-sided and that it won't change. That's all. Can I go now?'

I'm not an idiot. I knew how she felt, but I thought if I pretended I didn't know, it will be alright. The rest of them noticed it, too. They're far from stupid.

'You have serious issues.' Yoongi was the first one to speak. 'Why would you say that?'

'Because it's how it is. Was I supposed to act interested?'

'You were supposed to be honest.' He argues

'I was. That's why she's pissed off.' I argue back

'I think we both know you're full of shit.' Why is he angry? It's not even his problem. 'How fucking often does it happen that someone like us finds a person who loves them, fully knowing what we're like and all the things we do?'

'He is right. You are barely human, and she still loves you. Why the fuck would you push her away?' Taehyung chimes in

'Why is this a discussion?' I am thoroughly annoyed. 'If you want her, take her. Leave me out of it.'

'I knew you to be a lot of things, but you were never a liar.' Jin spoke

'That's exactly what she said.' I muttered under my breath, pretty much to myself, then spoke louder. 'What do you want from me? Do you think it would be better to lie to her? What good would that do?'

'You already lied enough. Maybe be honest and tell her how you really feel.'

I know how I feel. I know because I never felt it before. I never felt anything, really. But she is like a ray of sunshine in my dark life, and I will do whatever I can to keep that ray of sun glowing. Even if it is not with me. I lived in the dark for most of my life, I can keep that up.

'That's not gonna happen.'

Although they are the ones that keep pressing this on me, now they are surprised. Even though they know, they are shocked that I'm admiting it. Not that I can blame them.

'Why not? Would it be so bad?' Yoongi asks

'That would be the worst possible thing. She has been chased down since the moment she laid her eyes on me. She is here because of me. I'm the one that brought her here. But I refuse to be the reason she dies. I've been saving her all this time, keeping her safe and alive. If she were to be with me, she would be dead within days. Possibly hours. I am not letting that happen. I am not what she needs in her life. None of us are. I can only make her miserable. I would rather have her hurt and angry with me than dead. So if I have to hurt her over and over until she gives up, just to keep her alive, then that's what I'll do. I will send her off back to her normal life the first chance I get. And the next person who mentions this to me will get a knife between their eyes. Do I make myself clear?!'

Besides being absolutely shocked, they all backed away. Maybe it's a good thing that they are scared of me.

I didn't realize it, but by the end of it, I was not talking. I was yelling. And I've never raised my voice at a single one of them. But I'm just so angry. The only good thing in my life is her. The only thing that makes me feel remotely alive. The only person who can make me smile, and I have to let her go. She is in danger just knowing me. I can't let her go through that. I am in pain just watching her cry because of me.

'Now excuse me.' I bumped into Namjoon on purpose, passing him by. I might have been a bit too rough because he stumbled. But right now, I'm in a mood ready to kill all 6 of them. So I need to get away before I do so.

I stopped as I walked past her room. I got closer to the door, trying to hear if anything was going on. I could clearly hear her crying, followed by thuds and bangs. I can only assume she's throwing a tantrum in there.

For a moment there, I reached for the handle. I want to go in there and hold her. Tell her everything.
I want to tell her that every time I complained about her touching me, I meant the exact opposite. I only didn't want her to let go.
I want to tell her that I've been dying to kiss her, to taste her lips. That I lied about being watched to use it as an excuse to do so.

I want to tell her all of that, but I never can. She can't be a part of my life. She never should have met me in the first place.

What's another loss in my miserable life?