Mercenary |BTS JIMIN MERCENARY FF|

131

RAIN POV

'Please, wake up. I'm so sorry.'

'I love you. Please open your eyes.'

Jimin was suffering in his sleep once again. I hoped it got better, but it doesn't seem like it. He's tossing and turning around, calling my name and whimpering in fear and pain. And I still can't wake him up no matter what I'm trying to do.
No matter how much I shake him or call his name, nothing helps. It's like he's locked away somewhere and can't hear me.

Grabbing the bottle of water from the bedside table, I opened it and started pouring it a bit on his face and neck. He can't get more wet than he already is from the sweat.

He sat up in shock, gasping loudly, sounding more like he's choking than breathing. He started wiping his face from the cold liquid, completely scared and disoriented.

'Breathe, baby. You're okay. You're okay. I'm here.'

'Rain.' Like a child, he leaned into my neck, hiding his face as tiny sobs left his lips. 'I'm sorry.. I'm so sorry...' he clutched my shirt tightly

The same thing again. Shit.
'It's okay, baby. I'm okay.' I just held him, trying to calm him down

'I hurt you... every time I close my eyes, I keep hurting you. I can't do it anymore. I can't.' He sobbed

I don't even know what to tell him. How to help him. He needs to let it go and forgive himself. The only person holding it against him is himself. I sure as hell don't.

'Could you ever forgive me? Can you forgive me?'

'I forgave you long ago, Jimin. I forgive you. I promise. You need to forgive yourself. I'm okay. I promise.' I kissed his damp hair, brushing my fingers gently through it until he calmed down a few minutes later

'I don't want to keep hurting you.' He sounds more calm now. He's not crying anymore

'You are not. It's just in your dreams. You're not hurting me in the slightest.'

'It feels real. It feels like I'm hurting you. And it hurts so bad. It scares me how real it feels.' He pulled away from me, wiping the half dried tears from his face. 'I can't keep hurting you every damn time I close my eyes. It's too much.'

'Is it not getting any easier?'

'It's easier because you're with me. You're the first thing I see when I open my eyes, and the fear goes away quicker. But having the dream again and again... it's eating me alive. And I can't do anything to stop it. I don't know what to do.' He exhaled deeply, leaning his head on my shoulder once again

'Maybe we should talk to Youchuro. He might know something.'

'I don't wanna see that man. I'll gouge his eyes out.' He spits out

'I know you don't wanna go back to the man who did this to you, but the fact is that he knows about these things. I can't do anything but wake you up and calm you down. I can't stop these dreams. It's worth the shot.' I wouldn't want to if I was him either, but he needs help. Anything.

'Okay.' He nodded on my shoulder, sighing lightly. 'Only because you asked.'

'Okay.' I speak quitely. 'Let's try and get you back to sleep.'

'I wanna hold you.' His fingers clutched tightly on my waist, as if I'm going to run away

'I'm not going anywhere. Hold me however you want to.'

I scooted a bit closer to him, and he pulled me completely to himself. Gently nudging me to turn my back to him, I did as he wanted and felt his arm locking around my waist.
He pressed himself entirely to my back, leaving a kiss on my shoulder as he nuzzled into the back of my neck.

'Thank you.' He mumbled into my neck out of nowhere

'What for?'

'For not giving up on me. For being here with me. For loving me through all of this. Everything.' His arm tightened around me a little

'You never have to thank me for these things. You mean more to me than anyone or anything in this world. I wouldn't give up on you even if it killed me.'

'It almost did. I... almost did.'

'If you wanted be dead, we both know I would have been dead long ago. And I would go through it all 100 times over if it meant having you with me.'

'You love me too much.' He made it sound like it's a bad thing, but he pressed himself so close to me that his wet shirt is drenching mine

'More with each passing minute.'

'Rain... what was I like before? Before we got together?'

His questions sometimes leave me a bit surprised. They come out of nowhere.

'You were cold. Distant. You pushed me away every chance you got. You would say hurtful things on purpose to push me away. But you did it all to protect me. You didn't want me to be associated with you so I wouldn't get hurt.'

'And you still fell in love with me?' Now he sounds surprised

'How could I not?' I giggle quietly. 'You might have been harsh, but you always protected me, even if you lied about it being just your job. You even took me out to an amusement park when I was stuck in the house for too long. You even won a little toy for me at the shooting stall there.' I laugh a little at the thought of the chicken he got for me

'Is that when I told you how I felt?'

'No. That's when you told me you'd cut me into pieces and send me to Isui.' I snort

'What?!' He pulled himself up to look down at me in the dark, but it only made me laugh

'You didn't know about me and him. And you had that planned as your revenge for him. But you did open up to me about yourself for the first time ever. You told me about your parents.'

He just laid back down, cuddling up to me again.

'But the first time you ever mentioned having any feelings for me was the first time you told me you loved me.' I smile to myself.
'I used to be terrified of the dark, and you knew that. There was a power cut, and you came rushing to my room because you knew I'd panic. And then you kissed me. And then you kept kissing me. And then.... well... you get it.' I chuckle. 'That's when you told me you love me.'

'I guess I'm doing everything completely different this time.' He chuckled a little

'A little.' I tell him through the giggles. 'But no matter how different or the same you are, I'm still gonna love you, so that's not changing.'

'You really love telling me you love me, don't you?' I'm not sure if he's teasing or if he's being serious, but it's the truth either way

'Is that not okay? If it's too much-'

'No! No. That's not what I meant.' He held me tighter, nuzzling closer. 'I would rather keep hearing it. Please.' He sounded almost embarrassed to say it, muffing his voice in the back of my neck

'Jimin?'

'Hmm?' He hummed softly

'I love you.'

Pressing his lips to the back of my neck, I could almost feel him smiling to himself. His heart was beating at a crazy pace that I could feel it on my back.

It may not be perfect. His thoughts and emotions might be a mess, and he may not have a clue about what he feels, but his heart is telling me more than he needs to.

He feels a lot more for me than he knows.