Mercenary |BTS JIMIN MERCENARY FF|

124

NAMJOON POV

I figured if I searched for the name they gave me in the Japanese database, something would come up. And a few things did. But of course, they're in Japanese. I need the two of them to translate it.

Heading towards the library, I paused at the door once again. It's like Deja Vu.
Her sitting on the desk and him in front of her. But unlike last time, he's not smiling in the least.

I should have moved right away, but her words got me to stop and listen as well. She was explaining to him what it feels like to love someone.

The things she said are not something I know. Most of us don't. But she does. It didn't seem like she was searching for those words. She knew exactly what it was and what she wanted to say. And the more she explained, the more uneasy he was.

'Do you wanna know what the scariest part of it all? You love that you feel that way. Having someone else to be the centre of your universe makes you happy, full. You don't want it to be any other way. There's not a thing that you wouldn't do for them, and even if they don't feel the same, just seeing them smile can heal you. Even if they look at you like you're a complete stranger, you're still happy that they're at least looking at you. That they're alive. You even love the way your heart breaks, because it's breaking for them. And you will gladly give away the last pieces of your heart if it makes sure they will be okay. And you will enjoy the pain.'

We all know that the situation between them is not something normal. It never was, but with him losing his memory, it's even more unique, but in the worst way.
I don't think any of us realise just how much pain she's in.

Her words clearly said that he's the centre of everything for her, and she's nothing more than a stranger to him.

No one can imagine the pain she's feeling. I certainly can't. The things she's holding back within, and all so he would be okay.

'Still wanna love me?'
I can't see her face from here, but her voice says more than enough. It's muffled by the tears she's holding back. But he can see it.

He's looking at her with so much fear in her eyes. Her words got to him, and he's at a complete loss for them.

'Come on. We've got some work to do, don't we?' Her voice became a bit gentler, and she reached for his face, trying to comfort him, but all it did was make him jolt. She pulled her hand away instantly, leaning back to give him space. Even now, he's her priority.

'I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.' She quickly apologized

She put her hand behind her back, and even from here, I could see how hard she's clenching her fists. She probably just wants to hold him and tell him she loves him, but him being how he is, she can't. And after her words, even my heart is breaking.

'You didn't.' He spoke up, looking back at her. 'I used to feel all of that, didn't I?'

'Yes. But you don't have to force yourself to try and feel it again. It's okay if you don't want that. I understand it's terrifying, and I don't blame you if that scares you.'

'Rain...' they both have a point, but even he understands what this does to her

'It's alright. Really.'

'How could it be?' He argues. 'You just told me all of this, about how you feel, and you're telling me that it's okay if I don't feel the same? How does that make sense?'

'It makes sense to me. No matter if you feel anything for me or not, I'm still gonna love you just the same. I promised you, till death do us apart.'

'Didn't I do the same?'

'Yes, you have. But those are the promises another you made. I'm not gonna hold you to words of another man.'

'But I am the same man.'

'Then tell me, do you love me? Do you feel any of those things towards me?'

Dead silence.

'That other man, that other you, he loved me. That man promised. And yes, that man is still in here somewhere.' She placed her hand on his chest, but this time he didn't move. 'And he might come back, but he might not. But I won't ever force anything on you. And you were obviously petrified by what it means to love, so I'm not gonna ask you to try and do that. But I'll be here either way. And I don't want you feeling guilty about something you can't control. If it was that easy to control what you feel, we never would have been together in the first place.'

They are both broken in their own way.

'I do feel some of those things.' He mumbled after another long silence. 'I want to be close to you. I can't seem to stay away no matter how much I try. I want you there every time I have a bad dream, when I'm scared. Your face is the one I keep seeing even when I close my eyes. When you're sad, I feel sad, too. Seeing you smile makes me feel good. And I can't stop wanting to hold you. All the damn time. Even now. Even though I'm aware that it brings you more pain than anything, I want to kiss you.' 

He sounded frustrated with himself, lost in his own mind and feelings.

'Do whatever you feel like doing.' She said it so quietly, but it got some kind of reaction from him. He seemed surprised once again. 'Don't think about it. Just do what you feel like doing.'

Well, he wasn't lying.
I've never seen someone feel so relieved not to hold themselves back.

The way he pulled her in without a second thought, kissing her like it's the last thing he'll ever do. This sort of kiss I can only describe it as needy. They both held each other firmly, and it only got more desperate. He can't help himself. Even if she tries to pull away, he pulls her right back in. He even tangled his hand into her hair to keep her close.

'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.' They were leaning on each other, and he kept apologizing, then he would kiss her again

'It's okay. I love you. I love you.' She kept doing the same thing on repeat

They were pretty much the only good thing in each other's lives, and they had that taken away from them. I'm going to kill that fucking scientist myself.

But I just need to move before they see me. I've been here way, way too long. I keep doing it, and I feel like a creep. I'll give them a few minutes, then come back and pretend I saw nothing.