What's written in the stars (Wilbur angst and Tommy SBI adoption story)

48

TW/CW: mentions suicide, mentions delusions, some violent descriptions-?

Schlatt had found Wilbur at the old bridge. But he wasn't about to jump, he was just sitting there. His legs fit through the gaps of the fence and his hands grabbed onto some of the bars. He wasn't crying. He didn't look upset. He just looked kind of... neutral?

Schlatt tried talking to him but he didn't answer for a few minutes so they sat together in silence.

Wilbur looked at the water below them, it must've been at least 7 feet deep where he was watching. He used to fantasize about jumping, his head banging around on the rocky edge until he passed out, his clothes being torn up by any stones or tree branches in the water, and eventually passing from hypothermia, a head injury, or drowning.

But he didn't do that right now. Instead, he saw him and Schlatt at the beach, or hiking down a shallow river.. maybe even fishing or boating. He saw all of that being ripped away when Schlatt would move across the country.

"I don't want to talk" Wilbur finally mumbled, barely heard over the river.

"Alright" Schlatt responded.

"You don't have to stay and watch me, I'm not going to jump" And even though Wilbur meant this, he wouldn't deny the thought crossed his mind a few times since he arrived.

"I'm not staying because of that, I'm staying because I love you and I want to know what you meant.." he says.

Wilbur sighs. His eyes were taken away from the river only for a moment when he glanced to some small rocks beside him. He grabbed a few and tossed them in the river. He tried to listen to the sound they would make when falling in, but it was just to loud.

He stayed true to his word and didn't speak to Schlatt. He didn't say anything for a really long time, past when the breeze turned cold and he started shivering. It was nearing 5 or 6 o clock, sunset this time of year. Schlatt had returned to his car for a moment to grab a coat and a blanket he had left in the back. He gave Wilbur the coat and the blanket, he knew how cold he must be. Schlatt continued to suffer with only his jacket, but he wasn't going to leave him.

"Schlatt" Wilbur speaks for the first time in an hour. "Go home" he paused, waiting for the other to move. "Please" he says.

"No" Schlatt wasn't going to leave him this time.

"I said I won't jump, just please go home. Go get warm. I'll be fine alone, I'm nearly an adult."

"Why are we out here, Will?" He avoids his request.

Wilbur shakes his head, eyes flicking to his hands, his fingertips were turning blue where they gripped the bar. "I thought no one would find me here..." he says. "I thought no one would care...care if I just- if i disappeared"

Schlatt furrowed his eyebrows.

"I came here almost every night for a few weeks just to see if someone would find me then" he laughed. "I knew no one was looking for me, but it was still a test" he paused. "Every day, just like this, I'd watch the river. And my brain would quiet while I entertained the intrusive thoughts to a certain extent"

Schlatt didn't speak, not wanting to interrupt him. But he now realized Wilbur was talking about his nearly attempted suicide.

"This... fantasy, it would play over and over in my head. A fantasy of... of dying." He admitted. "It had been in my head for so long I almost thought it was real. I thought I was  dead and just- just stuck on a replay of my last day" he couldn't help but sigh. He stared at the river for a little longer, "I thought, maybe if I came back here, I could stare at the water for long enough that I'd convince myself you'd never leave me" he breathed out a laugh at his idea. "That we could just repeat every day of us being together"

Schlatt watched Wilbur when he spoke. Wilbur never looked at him though. He just continued looking into the river. "I don't want you to think you're alone"

"But I am though, amn't I?" He choked on the words. "In a few days you won't be here" he scratches at his neck. "Then I'm alone"

"You aren't, Will-"

"There's no one else around. Or am I mistaken?" His voice was cold.

"Will, what's going on? Why are you acting like this?" It was silent for a few minutes. "Wilbur, look at me"

He didn't.

"Will"

No response.

"Wilbur!" He half-shouted.

"No"

"Look at me, Will, godammit!" He yelled at him.

"If i look at you, you won't be there" he says more to himself than to Schlatt.

"Wilbur, look at me, dammit! I'm sitting fucking three feet away from you!"

He shut his eyes tight and rested his head against the bars. "No" he said.

"Wilbur, look at me!"

"No! You're not real!" He yelled. Eyes screwed shut and he pushed his hands over his ears. He kept repeating it to himself.

"Wilbur!"

He whipped his head to the voice and his eyes flew open.

There was no one there.

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895 words

Hi 🤓

I wrote a thing.

Time to disappear for another 6 months!! (/hj)

I might have the next chapter already written..? Maybe..? I need to find it and see if it's good, I wrote it like many months ago.

If you want to read more from me then check out my ao3: Uhm_hello

But fair warning, there are some dirtier things on there- so read the tags.

ALSO I MISSED YOU ALL AND ILYSM! I STILL REPLY TO COMMENTS IF I SEE THEM!