❝And she did the drugs for fun
But now she does them just to stay up❞
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I'm a half smoked cigarettes girl, a tiny tops and eye glitter girl, a quick and cheap girl. The female version of a playboy. Sexy, sweet, sour, anyth...
❝My life is going nowhere, I want everyone to know that I don't care.❞
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I don't remember how I ended up curled up in a parking garage. With my arms between my legs for some sense of warmth. Maybe it was because I didn't want to go back to Jack's, and I'm not stupid enough to ask Isobel to ask her parents for me. I can't get Leo's fucking face out of my mind when he looked me dead in the eyes. He was hurt, I was hurt too, when he told me about the other girl. I thought it would make me feel better, to make him sad. But it didn't and it never will.
Same thing with my sister I suppose, I hurt her more than I ever wanted to. I love her, still to this day. And if everything wasn't so fresh right now I'd call her crying. But now, when I close my eyes I can still see her pale blue ones. With tears running down her face because I hurt her. Not physically, but mentally, emotionally. She gave me everything and all I gave her was goodbye. I want to hate her, for deleting my social media, getting rid of all my photos. Changing all my passwords and then making sure I didn't even have one when I got home. I haven't spoken to her in two months. And it's killing me.
Everything is killing me, I walked out the door of my parents home, a month ago. The night after I'd gotten off the plane from California, home from residential. I'd stared at the celling for hours. And it was then, I knew I had to get out. I'd watched myself get better, and get clean. But when I clicked the door closed behind me I knew I was on my own.
As I lay there, thinking about Jack, and Leo and Wyatt. As well as tommorow, supposed to be the last first day of high school. But it won't be.. Because I won't be there. I'll be here, sitting in a parking garage, freezing to death. Because I couldn't take some motherfucking responsibility and it cost me my family.
I fished around in my pocket, for the little plastic bag of pills. Jack's Adderall, and enough nose candy for one little bump. It was all I had left, since last night. Last fucking night. As if I couldn't ruin my life anymore, I'd fucked Jack, or he'd fucked me. Or, some bullshit. I crushed the pill between my fingers, i made the lines on the concrete, with my old student id. Before my skin was dry and sccared, and when I was actually a student. The coke burned my nose, but it was a good feeling. It meant an hour of happiness, the aderall made my eyes bigger and I layed back against the concrete, letting the world spin around me. I felt like I was falling, maybe I was. Falling.
A/N: So this chapter was hard on me to write. This is based off of true experiences, embelished yes, but it was my life. And it's what can happen to anybody. Nor matter how good their life is.
