❝And she did the drugs for fun
But now she does them just to stay up❞
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I'm a half smoked cigarettes girl, a tiny tops and eye glitter girl, a quick and cheap girl. The female version of a playboy. Sexy, sweet, sour, anyth...
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I was right, when I'd said I didn't want to look in a mirror. I wore a scarf to work, and used half a bottle of foundation, on my face. Nobody questioned it, not even Isobel. She was the last person I wanted to know. I avoided Wyatt and Leo. They were both working at the same time as me. I kept busy, clearing tables and refilling coffees. I kept my head down and even avoided Isobel. I didn't say more than three words the entire shift.
When I came home, to Jack he'd set flowers on the table. Red roses. He undid my scarf.
"How was work honey?" He said, taking my jacket and throwing my purse on the couch.
"Honey?" I laughed.
"I'm trying to be the all-american boyfriend." He said, playfully punching me in the arm. I flinched and his face changed.
"I'm sorry." He said, rubbing my arm gently. I shook it off, we'd used to be like this. Back before he'd hit me the first time, back before I wanted to flinch at his touch still. I smiled at him, trying to cover my fear.
"You know what's crazy? You wear your hair in pigtails, you get more tip money." I said, pulling out a wad of cash from my pocket. He took it.
"turn around." I spun around, watching him throw money like I was a stripper. I laughed, he sure knew how to make laugh that was for sure. I smiled. Bending my back a little bit pretending I was dancing to music. He laughed, spinning me around the kitchen. He placed his hands on my waist and I put mine on his shoulders. It was silent in the house, but dancing with him made me feel like that lyric. If the whole world was watching I'd still dance with you. Because it was true, my parents would flip their shit if they found out I was living with, dating and fucking a drug dealer.
Summer, would've told me I'm stupid. But still asked how the sex was, she'd probably come around to meet him. Probably lecture me about my choice in men. But now, as I was reminded everyday there was no more summer, no more mom and dad to come home too after school. There was just me and Jack.
"You were right about one thing." I said, into his shoulder. He stroked the back of my head.
"What's that?"
"You're all I have Jack, everybody else did walk out on me. Your my only friend in this whole fucked up world." He ran his hand over my back.
"Your the only one who's ever been down for me always." He said. That's when I knew. Nor matter what happened. Jack wouldn't leave me. I wouldn't leave him. We were each others, I was his and he was mine. Entirely mine. And for the first time in my life, I felt like I had a purpose. That purpose was to take care of him, to be there. To be his girl. I wanted to ask about his bipolar. I wanted to know him. How much of a person do you really know, unless you know their mental illness.
Right now, that wasn't important. It was important because I felt safe in his arms again, I felt happy. I felt loved. Something I had never felt with Wyatt, or Leo. Or even my parents, maybe with Summer. Because she did love me, as a sister she loved me but as a human being she hated me. Which made sense, as myself I loved me, but as a girl who'd got her feelings hurt one too many times, I hated myself too.
