Addicted | ✔

C h a p t e r T h i r t y- O n e

                                                                      PART THIRTY ONE

                                       ❝I've been sad for years, don't tell me it gets better.❞

We were discharged from the hospital 24 hours later. Jack pushed me in a wheelchair out to the car. Evie slept in my arms, I stood up to place her in the car seat. I sat next to her in the backseat. Jack took the drive home extremely slow. Going 40 in a 65. At home, Evie woke up as we walked through the door. Her cries made my heart hurt, I laid her down on the changing station. Jack watched me change her diaper and slip her tiny body into her new onesie. It zips perfectly. In the hospital, they had showed me how to get her to latch to me. It was a weird feeling, but it was amazing. Sitting on the couch, I begin to nurse my daughter. I thought about the fact that my body could nurish the tiny baby I created. Jack raised an eyebrow.

"Weird timing but your tits still look fucking amazing." I rolled my eyes to the back of my head.

"How are you going to live without sex for six weeks?" I question. Jack shrugs.

"Ion know, they made porn for a reason." He replies. I set Evie down in the pack and play in the living room. I place a small stuffed polar bear next to her. Jack bought it from the gift shop at the hospital.

I turn to the kitchen. As much as I loved the kid, I'd gotten maybe two hours of sleep the previous night. Jack hands me a cold cup of coffee. We were out of creamer and sugar. I sip the stale liquid. I exhale into the cup. I'd read on line what to do with a newborn. The answer, was essentially nothing. Feed her, change her, talk to her, put her down for a nap. For the past day we'd been in the hospital she'd slept in mine or Jack's arms. I watch my daughter sleep, her little eyes fluttering. Jack presses his lips to my forehead and wraps his strong arms around me.

"We did fucking good making her." He whispers, as not to wake her. I nod into his shoulder. I let him pull me to the couch on top of him. He wrapped his arms around my waist. I buried my face in his chest. He was warm and smelled like pine trees and old spice deodorant. I let myself fall into a doze. My entire body felt fused to his. I felt peaceful, soft. I slept for twenty minutes. Until I was awoken by Evie's crying. I rolled off of Jack to pick her up. Her delicate body weighs next to nothing. She turns her head in the direction of my boobs. I swipe the burp rag from the couch and flip Evie to my other boob. I'm looking lopsided as actual hell. Laying her against my shoulder I pat her gently on the back. Instead of burping, she spits up on my shoulder. Hence the rag, which Jack was not convinced we needed. 

Jack rolls off the couch, obviously he'd been enjoying his ten minute nap. I slipped into Evie's nursery, retrieving a play mat for her. I lay her on it in the living room. I watch Jack slip into our room, most likely to smoke a joint out the window. I come to stand next to her. Our daughter is fine for two minutes. Before he even takes a hit he hands me the joint. I proceed to take four long puffs of it. 

"Shawty missed her weed huh?" Jack asked, taking it from me and I nod. I had in fact missed it. I came back into the living room, watching Evie on the play mat and enjoying my high. Watching her, I wondered who she'd become. If she would become a sweet girls girl, or if she would become like me and want to be everything she was not.. For some reason, at this moment I didn't care who she became. Because even if she said things, or did things wrong. I highly doubted I would abandon her. Like everybody else had abandoned me.