❝And she did the drugs for fun
But now she does them just to stay up❞
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I'm a half smoked cigarettes girl, a tiny tops and eye glitter girl, a quick and cheap girl. The female version of a playboy. Sexy, sweet, sour, anyth...
❝Welcome to the final show, hope your wearing your best clothes.❞
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The bell rang as I slid into my seat next to Isobel. I hadn't known what to do with myself after walking out of the hospital. So I'd showed up here, at the high school I'd thought I'd dropped out of.
"How you feeling?" She asked, opening her astronomy textbook. I shrugged. Everything had been a blur, Jack driving me home, curling up on the couch. Watching Shameless with my head in his lap. Letting him kiss my forehead. Him letting me sleep in his protective embrace. It had been three weeks since he hit me. The pain had fled, and I'd felt as though I had my Jack back. I'd decided to go to school when I realized I wasn't on the schedule for a whole week, if anything it was a distraction from my incident . As my mother would've called it.
"I'm alive." I deadpanned. Isobel gave me a small smile. For as long I'd been her friend I knew she was smarter than me. Isobel was no angel, she did lines with me in the staff bathroom, she got me shitfaced on last day of junior year. But for her, it was special to buy a bag of coke. For me, it was the usual.
"It was scary you know?" I met her gaze. I didn't even think of that, how she'd felt after seeing her best friend foaming at the mouth passed out in the drivers seat of her dealers car. I wonder if she'd felt a sense of responsibility.
"I'm sorry." I whispered, because for all the lying I'd done. Isobel, didn't deserve an excuse or me downplaying the image that was probably burned in the back of her mind.
"I thought I'd lost you forever." she said, her voice no more than a sigh. I took her hand in mine and squeezed three times. I love you. She smiled. That had been our wordless gesture since seventh grade, when we wanted to buy a mansion in Hawaii and become youtube famous. She pulled her hand from mine as Mr. Ross walked in. His eyes fell on me, I'm sure I did not look like a sight for sore eyes. With three stitches in my cheek and a bandage on my wrist I didn't want to know what he was thinking.
"Kaitlyn, welcome back." He said, as he set a paper on my desk. I smiled sweetly up at him. If I had any chance passing senior year with at least D's I was seriously gonna have the swallow my pride and kiss his ass.
"Thank you Mr. Ross, it's good to be here." I said, as if I wasn't gagging on his dick enough now I was lying about wanting to be here. He smiled back at me. Mr. Ross wasn't a bad teacher, but he did know way too much about me, him being my mom's best friend had taken it's tolls because anytime I was in trouble at home I heard about it from him too. He was the third, more annoying bitchy parent I'd once had.
Isobel was trying to stifle a laugh and disquise it as a cough.
"choke on his dick right here huh Kaitlyn?" She grinned. I swatted at her hand.
"Anything to pass baby, anything."
She made a face. I don't know if I would stoop as low as fucking my teacher. But if it came between me and a diploma can't say I couldn't put on a good show. Because I could. And would.
"You wanna grab lunch after school and study?" Isobel asked, writing her name at the top of her paper. She wrote a little heart over the I in her name. I rolled my eyes. She was trying to pretend this was normal. Even though she knew damn well it wasn't. I never went to study after school, I'd google'd the shit out of junior year and that was my plan for senior. If I made it to the end without dying or quitting. But I did owe it to her to at least try to be a better friend.
"Sure, meet you in the commons after math." I said, because math was my last class as if my life couldn't get any worse. I hated my math teacher and I could play smash or pass on all of the girls, and guys there that I'd fucked in a drug induced stuper. I grimaced, even thinking about it made me want a hit.
"You got nic?" I asked Isobel, knowing she did. She wasn't a druggie but she sure was a nicotine fein. I liked her little Cherry flavored vapes. She nodded and slid something into my pocket. I raised my hand.
"May I use the bathroom?" I asked, and Mr. Ross nodded. As I walked to the bathroom I glanced at the scratches on the hallway floor. Old graduates sneaker marks and pencil marks on the wall. I swung the door to the bathroom, the first thing I saw was who I was assuming was a freshman leaning on a sink talking to her friend who was in a stall. I leaned against a stall door, pressing my head against it as I took a hit. I remember before it got bad, when I had been like Isobel. And it had only been nicotine I'd needed to get up in the morning.
"It's fucked up huh?" I heard the girl say to her friend.
"We're only 14 and I'm already watching my life fall apart."
I rolled my eyes. Because whatever she was going through, I'd been through worse.
"We're so young, we don't deserve to feel this sad." Her friend replied.
That hit hard, I knew what she meant. But it didn't mean I felt bad for her. Because I didn't. She was alive, she probably had a family. All of the things I'd destroyed in my life.
