❝And she did the drugs for fun
But now she does them just to stay up❞
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I'm a half smoked cigarettes girl, a tiny tops and eye glitter girl, a quick and cheap girl. The female version of a playboy. Sexy, sweet, sour, anyth...
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When it was good. It was great. But when it was bad, it was horrible. I had my fair share of bad days too lately. I'd spent weeks laying in bed. Not eating, hardly drinking water. When it rains, it pours. My mom used to say that to me.
"Come on Katie Kat, it's time to get up." Jack whispered in my ear. My hair was so matted he couldn't even run a pinky through it. I rolled onto my side.
"I want sleep." I coughed, I felt sick. Really sick. I'd only crawled to the bathroom twice in the last four days. My whole body hurt.
"You've been sleeping." He said, grabbing my arms and pulling me up. I sighed. He pulled my shirt and sweatpants off. I rolled back onto my side.
"Leave me alone Jack." I snapped. He ignored me, sliding his hands under me and carrying me in his arms to the bathroom. Where he laid me in the bathtub. I closed my eyes as he turned the water on and picked up my soap and shampoo.
"Come on sweet girl." He whispered squeezing soap onto his hands. I grimaced. I probably smelled like a monkey cage. He took a comb from the top drawer and began working at the tangles in my hair. We sat like that, for twenty whole minutes. Twenty minutes where I laid with my back against the tub. My entire body feeling numb. I glanced down at my stomach. With the bits and pieces Jack had forced me to eat I was praying it was going to be okay. I knew why Jack made me get up, we had the 16 week ultrasound. We were finding out the gender. I did wonder what would happen if Jack didn't get his little boy. Or if I didn't get my little girl.
"Aren't you excited?" He asked, and I shook my head. I wasn't, I didn't want to get up and take the long agonizing walk out to the truck and then into the doctors office. We were supposed to sign a lease on an apartment today too. I'd lived with Jack since august, we were nearing the end of October, the begining of winter. Snow hadn't started to fall yet.
Jack shut off the water, after washing my face, washing my hair, and scrubbing every part of my body. Every part of me was hurting still. Jack tossed me a towel and I got out of the bathtub. Holding the towel around me he came back with a shirt and a pair of black jeans. It was my white long sleeve and stretchy jeans. I let the towel fall and braided my hair. It was time consuming, so intricate. I tied them at the ends, we had no hairties, no hair shit. Just me knotting my hair together. I dried my face and walked into the kitchen. He smiled.
"You look good." Jack said, and he led me over to the counter where there were two lines of coke and a broken straw.
"What about the baby?"
He shrugged.
"It's been weeks, two lines won't fuck it up girl." He said and I took the dollar. Showing up to my doctors appointment high on coke isn't a good look. After almost two years of doing it though, I could hide it pretty well.
"It'll give you some energy."
I snorted them both practically in no time at all. Tipping my head back, I felt the coke hit me. There it was, the rush I'd been without for 16 weeks. I knew I'd probably been shooting up when I was pregnant with them, or maybe when I did the fentanyl. I sighed grabbing my coat off the hook.
"Lets go."
"There's my girl." He said grabbing my back and trying to tickle me. I squirmed in his arms laughing.
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Hearing my baby's heartbeat grew something knew in my heart. It was astronomically cool. Jack stood next to me holding my hand.
"So that's our baby?" Jack said, gesturing to the screen. Where we watched them move around on the little screen.
"You guys want to know the gender?" Our tech asked, she was nice. Long black hair, and pale pretty skin. She looked fresh out of med school.
"It's a boy." Jack said grinning. I shook my head,
"It's a girl." Jack turned back to me,
"Maybe it's both." He laughed.
"Congratulations, it's a girl." She said, shutting off the screen and removing the ever painful ultrasound probe from my body. I sighed with relief. Of the two ultrasounds that I'd been too the whole "lets shove a dildo shaped "probe" up your pussy and stab you in the cervix thing annoyed the shit out of me.
"We're having a girl." I said smiling up at Jack, he grinned back at me. I was surpised at that, I thought he would be mad to let the idea of teaching his future son how to throw a punch, and cut drugs go.
"She's gonna be a badass." He said still grinning.
"Little Ms. Evie." I smiled when the tech handed me the photo sheet. I handed them to Jack, he looked closely at her.
"She looks just like you." He said, folding them up. As we walked out of the doctors office and into the cool fall air. My eyes were watery. because already, laying in bed for so long had probably hurt her. She needed me.
"You remember what you said?" Jack asked, helping me into the truck.
"What's that?"
"Crib shopping." He said, pulling out of the parking lot. I grinned up at him.
"You got cash?"
He opened up the center console, to reveal stacks of cash.
"I'll take that as a yes." I said grabbing for his hand.
