❝And she did the drugs for fun
But now she does them just to stay up❞
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I'm a half smoked cigarettes girl, a tiny tops and eye glitter girl, a quick and cheap girl. The female version of a playboy. Sexy, sweet, sour, anyth...
❝What's the worst, that could happen to a girl that's already hurt?❞
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I lay, coiled in Jack's warm arms. His body pressed against mine. My head was still spinning, I was 99% sure my breath smelled like peach vodka, and cigarette smoke. Jack snored softly, and curled in my arms was my sleeping daughter. Laying on her back, her still very small eyes very shut. I looked at her, smiling. When everything was wrong in the world my daughter was the thing that was right. I slid from between the both of them, letting my cold feet hit the colder floor.
Opening the medicine cabinet, I emptied three oxy's into my hand. Swallowing them with the taste of metal water I shivered a little bit. I stared at myself in the mirror, the little black bra and the athletic shorts I'd had since middle school that were now falling off my body. It was then I realized, I had been high, drunk, or generally in some state of intoxication every single day recently. I rubbed my temples, the constant morning headache had been painful.
My life, felt like a never ending song, a depressing song. The song that hurt my heart, and like everything was spinning out of my control. I buried my head in my hands, leaning against the counter. It was then, the dizziness hit me and I stumbled. I sighed. The bathroom door opened, Jack appeared holding my daughter in his arms. I took her from him, bouncing her up and down on my hip.
It was then, I realized how much older she was, her once tiny body that had curled in my arms was now pulling on my earings, crawling, and standing up in her crib. I had, in a way, been happy that she'd been growing up, but it also made me realize one day I wasn't going to be "mama" and Jack wouldn't be "dada" we would be the reason she would be in therapy, with my overdoses, and Jack's general abusive-ness, would not make us the picture perfect couple.
Evie continued babbling to me, smiling. My phone rang, and Jack handed it to me. He raised his eyebrow at the name on the screen "leonard". I grimaced, answering and handing Evie to Jack.
"Can you take my shift tonight darlin?" he asked, adopting a texas accent. I rolled my eyes back into my head, Jack watched me intently.
"Sure, will you take my Thursday?" I asked. Jack took Evie and walked out of the room,
"Sure, your lil boyfriend in the room with you?" He replied, I shut the bathroom door smiling and leaning against it.
"Nah, not anymore." I said, lowering my voice. I could practically hear him smiling back at me through the phone.
"Tommorow, I know you got off and was wondering if you wanted to come to a little party with me."
This was a slight surpise, Leonard and I had fucked, we'd got high together and made out like teenagers, but we were not friends.
"Why are you inviting me to a party?" I asked, a little suspiciously.
"Because, every time I see you at work you seem so depressed sayin you miss your friends and your party life, I'm tryna help you out here hun." He said, although there was an air of wanting in his voice.
"Sure you can come pick me up, I guess." I replied.
"Alright, I'll be looking forward to it."
Jack, opened the bathroom door right as I hung up the phone.
"What was that about, one of your little fuck buddies?" He asked, turning on the sink to wash his face. I shook my head.
"Nah, just Leonard asking me to cover his shift tonight." I said shrugging, Evie pulled herself to her feet using my sweatpants to pull herself up laughing.
"I bet I have a bigger dick than Leonard." Jack said, retrieving his pill bottles from the shelf. I watched him take them.
"It's pretty even I'd say his is longer but yours has more girth." I replied scooping Evie into my arms. I spun her around in arms, her little body had stopped doing the newborn scrunch whenever I picked her up.
"Thank you for informing me of the guy you've been fucking's dick size Kaitlyn." He said laughing.
"This is how it used to be though." I replied, setting Evie down on the counter and retrieving the bottle of vodka from the counter. It contained, very little. I groaned.
"Fuck me, I gotta be sober."
"I'll fuck you, but not sober." Jack replied smirking. And I punched him in the arm, hard. Evie, began crying and I sighed. Moving to our bed to go to change her, it was almost her nap time. Jack returned from the bathroom and took Evie from my arms and placed her in her crib. Where he grabbed his pipe and lighter. We went out, and sat on the very small pathetic excuse of a balcony.
"It's no porch swing moment, but do you want to start it?"
I laughed and took the pipe from him, taking a long hit I stared up at the blue sky. I looked back at Jack.
"I still smell like cigarettes and coconut shampoo." I laughed and Jack smiled, as I handed the pipe back to him.
"And I'm still a horrible person."
I rolled my eyes.
"Last time we were sitting on a porch smoking a bowl, was the morning after we fucked for like the first time." I said, smiling at the memory. Jack nodded, setting the lighter on the rickety table. I moved from where I was sitting to right next to him. He ran his hand along my thigh, and I smiled
"It's crazy we've gotten so much better at fuckin." He said, laughing a little. I nodded. Again, the one thing we were good at.
