Addicted | ✔

C h a p t e r T h i r t y - T w o

                                                                    PART THIRTY TWO

                   ❝You still make me smile, even though your the reason I'm sad.❞

Running off of two full hours of sleep, coffee and cocaine was not a sustainable routine. Which I figured out pretty quickly. Jack and I left some drugs in the bathroom. We went through them like fucking crazy though. It's also the fact of two sex addicts having to go without the one thing that made them tick. 

"Evie has has her second appointment today!" I shouted at Jack over our daughter's screaming. He was pulling on a shirt walking into the hallway. Her first appointment, had been two days after she was born. Today, two weeks later was for vaccines. 

"You got eyedrops?" He asked fumbling around in his pockets.

I grabbed the ones from the counter and tossed them to him. Showing up to his daughter's appointments high was not a good look. I picked her up, careful to support her neck. That was my biggest fear though. That she was going to die because of something I did. 

At the doctor's office Jack looked like he was contemplating taking a nap. He had his back pressed against the wall and was practically doing a wall sit. I couldn't help but chuckle at that. The doctor was speaking to me, but it took me a second to come too.

"How much has she been sleeping?" She asked. I glanced towards her, where she was holding my daughter.

"A lot, most of the day. We only keep her up for about 20 minutes in between her naps, just enough time to feed her and change her." I replied, half asleep. I saw a look of judgement pass over the doctor's face.

"How about you? How have you two been sleeping?" She asked, gesturing at me and Jack. I shrugged, defering to Jack.

"About 3 to four hours at least." I said. That was a lie, a fucked up lie. Jack didn't sleep much either. Any time I got up, he got up too. Evie slept on my side of the bed in her bassinet. Just so I didn't have to move as much. I knew that every morning Jack had been doing coke, I couldn't say I hadn't been as well. Or at least starting my day with a healthy swig of whiskey. I was really starting to scare myself 

"Do you guys have any help at home?" She asked.

I grinned. If you count Jack Daniels as help, we had all the help in the world. Jack shrugged.

"We help each other." He said, that was the worst thing he could've said. Some people are lucky enough to have their mother in law come stay with them. Us however? It was just us. None of my family even knew. Now it had almost been a year of not living with them. I was almost 18. 

"Don't feel bad reaching out for help, you guys probably need a break from time to time." She said wiping Evie's arm with an alcohol swab. I winced when she administered the vaccine, Evie cried. I scooped her up into my arm. Poor thing screamed at the top of her lungs.

"Hi sweetheart, it's okay it's okay." I tried to soothe her. Jack had a look of frustration in his face.

"So we're all done here correct?" He said standing up from his permanent faze of wall sitting. Carrying my daughter out of the office and down the stairs I slammed the door behind us to the parking garage.

"I needa swing by the old house get my meds and a beer." Jack said starting the engine. I rolled my eyes.

"word." I said, leaning out the window to smoke a cigarette. Jack turned up the music. Crazy Rap by Afroman. I laughed around my cigarette. My entire body was mostly out the window. We pulled into the driveway and both Jack and I got out of the car. 

"We just going to leave her here?" Jack asked and I nodded. He shrugged. He left the heat on for her.  Jack pulled his keys from his pocket. I used to hate unlocking this door. Standing on the porch now, in the freezing cold I remembered when I showed up on his doorstep. It had been raining that night, I'd just gotten out of residential, got shitfaced and ran away/got kicked out. We'd hadn't slept together that night, or for a while. For a while, he'd been my best friend. He still was. 

Jack pulled a beer and a twisted tea out of the fridge. We could turn this place into a party house for christ sakes. He gave me the twisted cracking it open,

"Shotgun." He said, and it sprayed me in the face. It took me all of 15 seconds before I crushed the can between my palms. He took his Old Style, and proceeded to shotgun it in  10 seconds.

"Show off." I muttered. He grabbed my arms kissing me on the lips, he tasted like beer and spit. I moaned softly against his mouth. 

"We gotta get back to our daughter." I said pulling away from him. Jack rolled his eyes.

"What about us?" 

"What do you mean what about us?" I asked spinning to face him. 

"I mean its been practically three weeks and it's felt more like we're coparents, not boyfriend and girlfriend. It feels like she's our only priority." 

I rolled my eyes to the back of my head. 

"Jack she's a baby, she needs us. I have to be at her beck and call she relies on me for food." I said walking toward the door. 

"Yeah but fuck, when does it get to just be you and me?" He shouted after me. 

"In eighteen years if we're still alive!" 

I slammed the door before he could walk out. Walking out to the truck I glanced in at Evie before sitting down in the passenger seat. She was babbling to herself and I smiled softly.