Addicted | ✔

C h a p t e r - T w e n t y - E i g h t

                                                                        PART TWENTY EIGHT

                                                       ❝Everything hits harder at night.❞

When I woke up, I was still on Leo's couch, curled up in a bundle of blankets. I smelled coffee and french toast. I stretched. I'd slept like a baby. Which realistically meant, I'd slept like shit. I walked into the kitchen. Holding my hands protectively over my abdomen. Leo smiled when I walked in.

"How'd you sleep?" I sighed.

"As well as can be expected considering the circumstances." I replied, Leo handed me a mug of coffee. I smiled appreciatively. He nodded in response to my statement. 

"So what's the plan?" He asked sitting down across the counter from me. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"What do you mean?" I asked, sipping my coffee. It was straight black. He remembered. 

"I mean, are you going to go work things out with your boyfriend? Or are you going to do what you always do and split?" He asked. Not meeting my gaze. Something had shifted since last night. Or maybe now I was just sober and realizing the gravity of what had happened. I put my head in my hands. I felt the tears coming back. 

"I don't always split Leo." I said, lacking any sort of conviction. He rolled his eyes.

"Look, I know you're vulnerable right now, and it's not the best time for me to be saying this, but it's true. You run from your problems. I'm not saying what you did with Jack was wrong, it was good to run. But you ran from me when things got hard, you ran from your sister. You ran from court." He explained. I sank farther into my seat. He was right, I was a runner. I ran from everyone and everything. When shit got hard, I did split. I looked up at Leo.

"You know what? For the first time in my life I don't know what to do." I said. Because it was true. I didn't know what to do. I started crying again. I hadn't cried at the gate when my sister dropped me off, I hadn't cried when my parents kicked me out, I hadn't cried sleeping on the pavement in alleyways. But I cried now, because I didn't know what to do.

"So start figuring it out, figure out what you're going to do. Go home, to the man you're going to have a baby with." He said plainly. Because I didn't know what I was supposed to do, if I was supposed to walk back in the door of our apartment and act like nothing happened. Or if I was supposed to stay away forever. Have the baby in secrecy, couch surf with a newborn. I downed the rest of the coffee. 

"I don't know how to figure it out Leo. I don't know, it's only hitting me now. I'm still a kid, and I grew up so fast. But realistically I'm still just the sad confused little girl wanting her mama, that I used to be. Leo nodded. 

"Yeah, but now your gonna be a mother. You have a home now, he was texting you all night." I looked up at him realizing I didn't have my phone. It was sitting on the counter. I walked over to grab it. Leo was right, I had 30 unread messages from Jack. "come back, let's talk." "Where are you?" Are you okay babe?" "I miss you." "I'm sorry baby." "did I hurt our daughter?" "Is the baby okay?" "I'm so fucking sorry my love." I sighed. I texted him back, i'm fine. Be back soon. I guess that sealed it. I was going back.

I sat back down at the table. Leo handed me a plate of french toast. 

"I told him I was going home." I said, I had the feeling Leo didn't want me here for very long.

"Try and talk it out, its probably just a one off. People get mad sometimes. It doesn't make them abusers." 

Those words hurt. Jack was an abuser. A bitch of a boyfriend, and probably a shitty father. But not to say I wasn't in love with him. Because I was, I loved him too much, too soon. Now we're having an entire child. If I stayed, I'd be putting her in danger. But maybe that was the price I'd have to pay right now, I had no money, nowhere to go. I was still stuck. Stuck with a man who fucked me over one too many times. 

I'd felt a lot of things in the past couple months. Anger, frustration, rage, sadness. But I hadn't felt scared. Not until now, scared because I was going to be walking into a new fucking situation. With no way out. Jack had been my way out of a shit situation and now, he was the shit situation.

"Do you mind if I shower?" I asked Leo, and he nodded.

"Go for it, down the hall to the left." He said. I nodded. 

Catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror I gasped. It was worse than before. My face was black and blue, one of my eyes was swollen the size of a tennis ball and my neck looked horrible. I turned the water on to the shower. Standing there in the hot water, I watched the water swirl in the drain. I used Leo's soap, shampoo and conditioner. After ten minutes of using Leo's hot water I shut off the shower. I'd put it off for long enough, I had to go home. If not for me than for my kid. My unborn daughter who needed me. The daughter I'd failed already. The boyfriend I'd failed already, the family I failed. Most importantly I failed myself.