Addicted | ✔

C h a p t e r S e v e n t e e n

                                                                              PART SEVENTEEN

                    ❝Pain changes people, some become rude and some become silent.❞

I woke up in Jack's bed. With blankets over me. Still wearing the very same clothes that he'd raped me in. I felt his hand holding mine. I shoved him away from me. Rolling to my feet. 

"Stay away from me." I said, shaking. He put his hands in the air. I backed myself into the wall. The one closest to the door. So I had a getaway path. Even though I knew he could catch me.

"Kaitlyn. I'm sorry. I don't know how to make you know that. But I am." He said. Not moving toward me. I didn't want to look in the mirror. I didn't want to see the necklace his hands had probably given me. I didn't want to know how much concealer I'd have to use on my face when I showed up to work. 

"Why'd you do it." I didn't ask it, I stated it. Because I didn't want to know the answer. I didn't want to know why he'd done what he did. I want to go home. I felt myself wishing. I wanted to see my mom, and dad. I wanted summer. I wanted to leave Jack. My body hurt. I was grateful that I'd blacked out. I didn't want to remember how long it probably took him to finish. I didn't want to remember him carrying my passed out body into his bedroom. Or him pulling my underwear back around my waist.

"I just, I get mad Kaitlyn. I wasn't thinking. I didn't mean to hurt you." He said, and for the first time I saw sadness in his eyes. He looked like he hadn't slept. It was dark outside. I wonder how long I'd been gone. 

"You raped me." I stated. My voice wasn't high, or angry. It was just a sad fact. That I didn't want to admit to myself. Jack looked like he was going to cry. 

"I know." He whispered. His eyes meeting mine. This time, it was his eyes that were filled with tears. I moved to the bed. Sitting there, directly across from him. I sat on the edge of the bed. He didn't move to kiss me, or to grab my hand. I would've screamed if he did. I didn't want him to be anywhere near me. But in the other way, I wanted to cry in his arms. Sob my eyes out with my head on his chest. I wanted him to comfort me, for what he did.

I moved closer to him. Seeing his eyes. I could see his face. He looked sorry. I knew he wouldn't do it again. I knew I'd never see that side of him again. 

"Kaitlyn. I love you." He said, still not touching me. I froze for a minute. I stared at him. My eyes wide. My face felt hot. I was blushing.

"I think I love you too." 

He smiled. I'd never seen that smile before, I'd never seen his eyes light up like that. I'd never seen him look so happy. He was happy. Because of me. 

"I know this is not the best time, I know I hurt you. But I promise you, I will never touch you again, I won't hit you. I won't get mad. I promise. I want you to be my girlfriend. I want to enjoy my life again." He said. 

Now, I'd only ever been Leo's girlfriend. That relationship had fallen apart because of me. Because I'd wanted more passion, because I didn't want to be loved. But now, the only thing I wanted to do was be loved by someone, I wanted that someone to be Jack. I wanted to wake up next to him, I wanted him to see in me what everybody else didn't. I wanted him to believe in me. 

I through myself toward him. Kissing him and he kissed back. His body was warm and comforting. I fell on top of him. Burying my head in the crook of his neck. I felt hot tears drip down my face onto his skin. He wrapped his arms around me. Tightly. As if he was going to protect me from anything bad that could ever happen to me. Maybe he could protect me from himself. That's what I needed protection from. I lifted my head off of him.

"What happens when you get mad at me again? We're gonna be in a relationship. We're gonna fight. What happens then? You could've killed me"

"I was thinking about that. I'm just going to walk away. I don't want to hurt you Katie. I could only see red in that moment, I didn't hear you. I didn't mean what I said. You're not a whore." 

I don't know if he was going to be capable of just walking away, I don't know what I could do if it happened again. Thoughts of Elena's mom, Jack's mom, the girls in my treatment center. Who'd been abused, who'd watched their parents abuse each other. Girls who'd been molested by a parent, or a family member, or maybe even a teacher. As of now he was my boyfriend, boyfriends don't molest their girlfriends. He didn't rape me. He  didn't hurt me, he just got mad because I fucked up.