ENGLISH VERSION!
"You wouldn't shoot me."
"And why is that? Because I'm a woman?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Exactly, you..." Before he could finish the sentence, my finger press the trigger and the bullet flew out of the guns head. It hit him in the s...
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It hurts.
It hurts when a person who had a big impact on your life is no longer in it.
It hurts to see my own children grow up, but he can't.
It hurts when his son has the same eyes as him, so every time I look at him I feel guilt. Guilt that his father is not here because of me.
And it hurts even more when I can't do anything about it.
"Amira?" I heard a knock on the bathroom door.
"I'll be out in a second." I tried to sound as normal as possible as I wiped the tears running down my cheeks.
"Amore, please open the door." (Love) Francesco said gently from behind the door.
I slowly walked to the door, unlocked it, and went back to the sink. After a few seconds, the door opened, and my husband entered and closed the door again.
"What is it, love?" He walked up to me and cupped my face in his hands, wiping away the tears. "Leo?"
I nodded without saying a word and turned my back to him so he wouldn't see me cry. "I can't even look at him without seeing..." I shook my head.
I don't usually have this problem, but today when I saw little Leo in front of his birthday cake, old wounds opened up and I couldn't handle it.
"I know." He hugged me from behind. "I know." He whispered.
"I'm trying to be there for Lydia because she lost her husband, but I'm just broken." I grabbed his hands and held them tightly. "I'm sorry."
"You have nothing to apologize for, Amira. You're allowed to feel. And it's okay to miss him. And I know that look. Please stop blaming yourself for what happened. It's hurting you."
"But it was my fault." I looked up and looked at him in the mirror. "How am I supposed to look at his kids when I'm the reason their father is gone? It's not fair, he should be here." My voice broke mid-sentence.
"I know, but there's nothing you can do about it. It's already happened, we can't change it. It doesn't matter how much we want to turn back time." His hands slipped from me and I immediately missed his touch. "Look at me." He grabbed my hand and turned me to face him.
"I miss him." Another tear slid down my cheek. "I miss him." I sobbed uncontrollably and laid my head on his chest.
"Shh, it'll be fine. Just get it out." He ran his hand over my back in a circular motion. "I got you." He whispered. "I got you."
I don't know how long we stood there like that. My tears fell one by one, but I didn't feel any better. On the contrary. I know Leo would tell me to pull myself together and not cry like a baby.
I only pulled away from Francesco when the door started to open. I immediately tried to wipe away all the tears, but my eyes surely gave me away anyway.
