Why You?

𝑪𝒉. 𝟏𝟔 | 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑷𝒂𝒔𝒕

Lex

I aggressively close my room's door behind me after I leave Aira. What the hell was I doing? I feel like I'm going to go crazy. She's driving me crazy. I could not deal with this craziness without messing everything up in my room. Making it a representation of my mind. The reflection of myself in the mirror is something I've started to look down to.

I think of Aira, walking down from the stairs towards the front yard and that short black dress. It hugged her curved waist perfectly. Her boots which outlined her legs and the hoops which bounced on her ears as she took every step. I couldn't get my eyes off her.

And then when I entered her room. Her more than half naked legs, lightly tanned. I had never seen her dressed like this. She always wore long pants, hoodies and blazers. It's messing me up how she's always making my heart race with her stupidity so easily.

It's the same girl that's been getting on my nerves ever since we've met. I get into the shower and stand under cold water as I try getting my mind off from her but I just can't. I keep thinking of our moments together. Her gorgeous smile that I saw closely a few days ago, her falling asleep onto my shoulder, kissing me on my cheek, crying cutely when she saw my burn and her looking hot as fuck today.

It is messing with my mind and I didn't like it. I didn't want to think of her at all.

──⇌••⇋──

Me and Aira have both been avoiding each other since my birthday party. Nan and Liz were leaving today. It was also my parents' death anniversary today. I'm getting dressed for breakfast when someone knocks on my door.

"Come in," I answer.

It was Aira. She slowly walks into my room and stands there. I look away as I continue doing my tie.

"I know today is a very sad day for you. I'm here to share my condolences," she starts.

"It must have been really hard for you then... and still now. I understand how you feel right now-" she sympathetically spoke.

"Shut up, Aira!" she gets a little fright jump with the tone. "Everyone says they understand how we feel right now but the truth is they don't. My parents committed suicide when I was fourteen. You don't know how I feel or what's going on in my mind!"

Her eyes start to tear up. For Fuck's sake! Not again.

"Don't ever say you understand how I feel because you don't!" I snap at her.

I can see her trying to hold back her tears. Without uttering another word, she leaves my room. I don't see her at the breakfast table after that. I am in my Nan's room finalising her packing. Then I head over to Liz's room. That's when I hear her talking to Aira and I stop at the door.

"It must be weird for you to be around this type of environment," Liz spoke which was followed by an are you okay question.

"It's not weird for me. I lost both my parents when I was twelve and it never felt like home after," Aira revealed, making my heart sink to my guts.

I'm left in shock as I hear that. She's lost her parents too? I told her off so much this morning. I was so horrible to her. She does understand how we're feeling. I stand outside regretting what I said to her this morning and don't even realise her coming out of the room. She sees me and instantly leaves. I don't try holding her back. I need to apologise for it, I went too far. I head inside to ask Liz if she is done packing and then ask Chris to take the luggage to the car as I talk to her.

"Lex, you're my brother and you know I love you. But if there is anything I did to hurt you or your feelings then I'm sorry," she apologises.

"Is it that easy to say sorry?" I wondered since it comes out so easily from everyone's mouth.

She places her hand on my face and nods yes. I go back up to my room and practice how to say sorry in front of the mirror. But I struggle with even saying the word. After a ton of attempts, I give up and just barge into Aira's room. She's dressed in hot red long pants with a white silk top which hugs her breast and reveals her arms as well as her neck. She quickly grabs her red blazer and wears it.

"It's time to drop Liz and Nan off at the airport. They want you to come too." I instantly leave the room after.

I'm such an idiot I should've just said sorry. I am walking out the front door and sitting in the car. Nan and Liz are sitting in the back passenger seats. Aira comes shortly and takes her seat in the front passenger seat. We drove to the airport and waited there for another two hours. The sun is already going down and it's getting pretty late.

On the way back home Aira is dead silent and just stares outside the window. Courage doesn't come to me anytime soon. No matter how hard I try. She doesn't waste another second to get away from me.

"Aira, wait," I stop her by grabbing her wrist.

Her eyes are turned away from me. I still try to gather up some courage.

"If I had known about your parents, I would've never said any of those things to you," I utter, ashamed.

She aggressively turns to face me.

"That's the problem, Lex! You don't know anything about me," she grits with pain.

"Then tell me, Aira. I don't like making mistakes," I uttered with purity. 

"When I was twelve, my parents died in a very bad car accident. What's worse was that I survived. I remember that night clearly. It was dark, my dad was speeding and thunder was hitting nonstop. Ever since then, I've been afraid to sleep alone, or even get into a car and learn how to drive one. I can't sleep in the dark or be anywhere that is dark. I have to sleep outside your room every night because I'm so scared to be alone in my room. I have to take sleep medications which leave my body sore and tired." 

Her wrist dropped out of my hand when the cracks in her voice stabbed my heart sharper than any knife or blade could have. 

"Ever since I've met you, you've never failed to remind me of my trauma. You speed, you lock me into a dark room, leave me in a building that echoes lightning," she cried, leaving that guilt in me to rise. 

All this time I have made her suffer and I don't even have a single apology for it.

"Look I.... I'm," I stutter.

"You're what? Sorry? Leave it, Lex. You're Lex Hudson! And Lex Hudson never apologises to anyone. Even when it is his fault. So here, I'm sorry for even thinking you had good in you," she said, daggering her bitter words through my heart.

She goes into the house as I stand there ashamed. Ashamed of myself.

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