Why You?

𝑪𝒉. 𝟏𝟕 | 𝑫𝒓𝒖𝒏𝒌

Aira

An hour has passed since I talked to Lex. I lay in my bed regretting everything. He's not the kind to have sympathy for someone and I did not want his sympathy either. I just exposed a very vulnerable part of me which is why I regret it. My limits had been crossed and I just couldn't control it anymore. Now, he probably thinks of me as a loser and weak person which I myself hated about me.

My sensitivity was out of control and it was the only thing I wished I had control over. I even told him that I sleep outside his room. That was so dumb of me. My body continued to roll side to side in unease and anxiousness thinking of what would happen tomorrow. It should be fine Aira. Remember, he doesn't have a heart, he's arrogant so he will not care.

My door creaked open and Lex came through. A bottle of alcohol lingered in his hand with his shirt untucked and hair all messed up. He started making his way towards me on stumbling steps, initiating he was drunk. Heavily. I'm turning side to side trying to sleep when my door opens.

"Aira," he calls, placing the alcohol bottle onto my bedside table.

I sat up but he pushed me back down on the bed, now getting on top of me. 

"Lex, what are you doing?" I panicked with a thumping heart.

"Shhh," he places his finger over my lips to seal them.

The scent of alcohol encircles us further as his attention shift to my hand that was on the left side of my head. His fingertips trail up my forearm softly until they reach my palm and lock in with my hand.

"Why do you think I'm a bad person? I never ever wanted to hurt you," his eyes focused back to me with tears this time.

I carefully look at him. Lex, crying. It was an impossible sight to ever witness. This man pushes all his emotions away. With every second that went by, he stared intensely, and deeply into my eyes. My free hand ached to rise and when did, it cupped the side of his face. Slowly caressing his undereye to give ease to the burning tears trapped in his eye.

"I'm sorry," his voice softly apologises.

A tear drops out of my eye and down into my hair. He wipes the corner of my eye with his free hand. This apology brought a cover of healing in my heart somewhere. A sort of peace because it felt meaningful. Lex's eyes travelled around my entire face and with that, he gets closer and closer to me until our lips are about to meet.

I use my free hand to try push him away from me but he locks my fingers with his. My head turned to the side, having his lips crash onto my neck between my collar bone. The softness of his lips melts against my skin in a tingling ecstasy. 

Nothing happens for the next few minutes as I lay underneath his warm body. I think he's wasted. I free my hands before I push him off me but he manages to trap me in his arms like I could escape any moment.  The scent of alcohol upon his body is so strong, I don't think I'd be able to bear it. I try so hard to get out of his arms but they only get tighter and tighter around me.

Eventually, I give in and stay there. The next morning, I woke up before Lex. His arms were still securing around me softly as our position changed. He was now beside me rather on me. Images from last night of his soft and emotional voice echoed in my head when I stared at him. I had never seen or heard him this soft. Ever.

But then again, he was drunk. He would've stuck to his arrogance if he wasn't and would've never apologised. I move around trying to get out of his arms which ends up waking him up. Upon my release, I quickly get off the bed and walk into my wardrobe.

The sounds of groans and painful sighs were audible from Lex. He held his head because of the hangover he was having. He confusingly looks around and realises he's in my room. I walk into my bathroom and lock it so he doesn't start anything conversation and wait for him to leave. Instead, I hear knocks on my bathroom door.