JASON #17

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I stumbled through the corridor of the hospital, confused but also relieved. I could see nurses and doctors rushing to the room I had just escaped from, although I would have loved to stay.

But Cass had been right to usher me away. And although we only had had a few moments together, I was so glad that she was alive after all. More than that. The way she had spoken to me, I was sure that she had forgiven me, otherwise she would not have told me to leave.

The more I could think about the encounter with Cass, the more questions arose in me. Why had she woken up? And why had Una told me to end her life then? And how could she have known about everything the moment she opened her eyes?

If there was one thing I had already understood then was the fact that I had absolutely no idea what was really going on anywhere.

I headed for a staircase. On my way down I took off the white coat, emptied its pockets of the syringe and the meds, and searched for a way out of the building.

Five minutes later I was on the street, deeply inhaled the fresh air outside and decided to walk.

Had I failed Una? Had I failed Cass? Had I failed myself?

I felt that a new chapter in my life was about to begin. But somehow I had hoped that by the time I would leave the hospital again, that there would be more clarity in me. About where my life was going to. What my purpose was. What I would be doing with the rest of it.

I guess I had longed for a way to escape myself, only to find out that this would just land me at my next gate to another personal hell of addiction.

So I walked towards the rising sun in the certainty that I had never felt so good about feeling bad before.

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