THE FEAR I ADORE!

A disaster

The little needle punctured through her skin sending stiffness to her mind. Her eyes rolled at the back of head at the sudden rift of pleasure yet the reason to such an ecstacy could not be registered any sooner. Her body felt like growing an invisible pair of wings to fly yet the medium to fly had been missing. Trying hard to collect her senses, she poured life enough to her limbs but no result came upon....they sat still, lifeless as ever. With no power over her body, she was contented, for the pain wouldn't show but unconsciousness was not what she desire. With nothing in control, her brain took in, creating fantasies. The drug had killed her liability such that she could not register the difference even. Her eyes fell shut seeing a night all foggy with a man standing inbetween cliffs of snow. When the world seems to run for warmth, his embrace held cold.....the dull night! With bunch of warmth of expensiveness around, the man in a night so haze, stood sinfully handsome with no task done. His dark hairs had conquered his entire face off her...keeping up the beauty to themselves. In a night such she could collect some images of a man ever so beautiful, laid in a bed same as her. The images cleared and she realised confessing "I love you". Thou her senses were left long ago, but a little harsh feeling in the pit of her stomach spoke entirely opposite. A damp of rejection settled in her heart sending agony. No doubt she never expected him to live her back but what about simple courtesy? Don't do they work on the principle of give and take? No sooner did the agony settled it was thrown away at the remembrance of the man's words.
"Words such from your mouth makes me want to do many dishonourable things to you in the most honourable of the ways!". Warmth crept her despite the ushered silence of the darkened room. Images of his lips hovering hers, the sparks it brings radiated massive rush in her body. The soulful skin to skin touch, the sweetly coated dirty words he says to her pleases her to core. No matter how numb do she gets, Dangshin Qin isn't someone she could let herself forget about! The horny eyes of his would haunt her every instance. His touch would crawl her skin every time she thinks of him all alone...that's how much power he owns at her. A power she actually wanted to only belong to him. Just as if the sunny day had ushered the foggy night away, they gave up...bringing a day full of beauty and known silence. Coming to her were mesmerizing pair of black eyes. Thou the entire room had a grip of darkness, still the darkness of his eyes was the only one she could drown herself into. His hairs messingly graceful had a tight hold flowing beautifully surpassing winds. Nevertheless, no trace of wind so high was present so ever, but to her, he was a breath out of fresh air. No matter how hard do her head tries to beautify his features..it just can not. Her imagination was limited but his handsomeness would go up hills and glorify. That's how perfect he was or maybe that's what eyes were taught. She realised how graceful do his eyes appear. The dark black hiding burnt brown to an edge claiming only fear. Still she believes, let alone she had felt, the little sparkles of amusement and warmth bringing the burnt brown colour of fresh golden...fallen out of sun! erupting recently! Crouching upto her level the man pitied her state.
"I told you to stay away from me, little doll! to not trust me still you kept moving. No doubt you are so naive of a creature!", Dangshin whispered bringing disappointment to her. The mocking smile of his said all, still she was a fool wanting to hear him speak over. As if she would label herself deaf without his voice reaching her up. Sparing no single second, he walked leaving her. She tried, she poured her legs power still they were limp. She tried hitting them, maybe pain would inflict life back still lifeless was all she felt down there. Controlling the urge to scream, she crawled, with much greater of a difficulty. Minutes earlier she claimed no relation with pain but now it had come as the only emotion. Her body begged to stop yet she crawled. Nevertheless her mused baby steps could not beat the determined strides of the man and she was left all broken at the path. Realised now why did consuming drug felt as holding wings but no sky to mark! Looking around she searched him, he couldn't, he would not leave! He's her saviour! Panting franticly, she hauled everywhere but recieved only mockery as a response which keeps on suffocating her. Knots tied up her belly bringing harsh pain jolting her body. She felt like throwing out but the energy it will take..she could not muster it. Ultimately her throat tightened, every muscle in her body gasped out for air. She opened her mouth wide for exchange of air but something keeps on strangling her which wouldn't let air escape, leaving her breathless. For awhile her body had adapted to the lack of oxygen and slowly driven off their jobs when a hand stroked her cheek ever so gently. Calming her body to the slightest, she intake oxygen, alot of it, to bring her body to soul. It worked yes it did, but her legs....when her eyes raised up, meeting honey brown eyes. At a moment she had accepted that these eyes could only haunt her yet here were these, dancing in admiration. Was it a dream? If were it bring no morning to collapse it! Standing as always a meal to women's eyes, his eyes graced sincerity and love. Her throat sickened at the clothes he was dressed into! the one from the accident! "Joshua?", she whispered, practicing his name on her lips. The name brought foreign feelings to her mouth...was it because she haven't called him since so many days? or it was the way a dead person's name tasted? Did he too felt foreign hearing her call him by his name? The touch her body recieved, sent many sparks to her, causing her to flinch out of fear. But Joshua continued scanning her body slowly, delicately as if she was some sand he couldn't let slip away. Concern rang his eyes with splashes of guilt evident so far. His touch felt so oddly different...she wanted it but not as she craved Dangshin's. Joshua was a medicine to heal whereas Dangshin was a venom to taint her! Still she wanted venom to torture and prickle her skin.
"You shouldn't have been here...not here..not atleast because of me!", Joshua exclaimed so pathetically, helpless on his own. Before she could reconsider, his lips reconciled hers moving slow...nothing about the kiss felt as of Dangshin's where a mere linger of his lips would leave her as a mess with only desiring for him. She was a mess to be made so easily still he enjoys every second passing and she knew it. Her head slowed down, the small portion of energy draining already, at the fantasies created. She fought the tiredness as long as she could..who knows if destiny would count her in a day next. And she wanted to wake the day next, even the day another and every other days coming...for she wanted to stare at him, get dirtied by him, shatter into pieces by him but still scream for his love with every ounce. Her heart slowed down, turning calmer...relaxing in the shadows of darkness and as if it was the moment, she shuddered and broke down into the darkness! with no hope of giving up but with energy negligible to keep on moving!
The diminished room out of light begged for the slightest traces of light but all it received was a home to horror and strength. A strength of sort to hold back weakness. In walked, a pair of well polished shoes and darkness cried hours, finally rejoicing past lover, the almost unrecognisable one. Lovers who are opposite but can not go steps without one another. Lurching up the room, his green eyes shone in the little of light, glorifying him. Crouching down at the woman laid, he glanced at the damage done to her. The burnt marks of cigarette at her fragile body..he waited for feeling fo contentment or pride swallow him but he was left out. For he knew she was the easiest pawn to revenge. Not as if a heart had beat beneath, still he hated how ravishing she looked. The flaws gave their best trying to taint her but all they did was beauty her to an extent that was perfect. The thin white dress all dampened worked less on hiding her body. His eyes walked along her body...burning him with desires. Grazing a hand at her bare legs, he regretted..the feeling felt surreal and beautiful. The softness of her was made for him to tear up. Her sanity was only made for him to taint with dirt he held. The urge to explore her all around was crushed by loud banging of guns and a dangerous glint took over his eyes laughing at the disaster prepared. Caressing her cheek, his lips tugged at a corner.
"Thou you are never dirtied, I would do that every day after I gain you. And a taste of you after revenge will make things even more amused".
"I want her to be down in the worst state possible", he commanded. "sure thing, boss".