Breaking Free | Natasha x OC

Chapter Thirty-Five

"Everything you lose is a step you take."
____

Nat stared blankly at the wall, her mind replaying everything she'd done wrong.

She'd noticed Natara getting bad. Noticed the weight loss, the forever fidgeting fingers, the chapped lips and tired eyes. She'd realized she probably wasn't sleeping well. But she hadn't done anything, hadn't tried to help, tried to make her feel better.

Nat had hoped it would pass, for all of them. And Natara had been right when she'd snapped at her, saying all she'd wanted was to play happy marriage and pretend there was still hope. Because that's exactly what Nat had been doing.
God. The blonde's hands went to her head as she rested it in her palms.

Tara had come to her office so many times. She'd tried to get them to take a break, to take some time, and Nat had shut her down each time, needing to work.
In the last two weeks before she'd left, the redhead had stopped asking all together.

Natasha hated herself for all of it. For not having stopped it. This was her fault. She should've been able to stop it. She'd taken everything for granted, again.

Her fingers twisted the two rings on her hand. Her engagement one and her wedding band. She looked at the former.
Natara had gone to Goddamn Russia and spent who knows how many weeks trying to track that ring down. That connection to her family.

The blonde took the locket off her neck and opened it, eyes immediately burning at the pictures inside. The one of her mother- a mother whose face she only knew because of her wife. Her wife. Nat's eyes went to the second picture, the smallest smile appearing against her tears.

Natara with Laitha on her lap, back paws on her thighs and front ones on her chest, their noses almost touching and the most beautiful smile on Tara's face.

Natasha leaned her head back and looked at the ceiling, feeling the tears now track down the sides of her face.
Tara had always been good with words, yes. That was one of the ways she'd expressed affection and love... but it wasn't the largest one. Her actions, the things she did for others, for Nat, that had been her biggest way of showing her love.
Like her going to bloody Russia and spending weeks trying to find any trace of her mom just because Melina had mentioned it and because she knew Nat would have wanted to know.

And then she'd come to Natasha's office, so often, only asking for a fraction of her time. A few moments. That's all she'd wanted, Nat thought. She'd wanted the same effort put in.

To be given the same effort she showed, which would let Tara know she was loved too. Natara hadn't been asking for the sun and the moon, just for her wife to put down her fucking work for a second and be with her.
Natasha hated herself. So much.
All it would've taken was her getting out of this office for a few minutes and she hadn't done that.

She covered her mouth and bit down at the crying that wanted to start.

____

"Hi," Natara smiled widely at the receptionist, sunglasses covering her eyes and long blonde wig over her head. "I'm here to see my husband."

"What's his name, ma'am?"

"Ricardo Duvil," She replied breezily.

The lady checked her books before clearly finding the name. "Right through there, ma'am."

"Thank you, darling." Shooting the woman another dazzling smile, Natara headed where directed.