Pieces of Forever

5 - JASON

Jason

I sit outside my building on a bench, thinking about Mel and I. I can't believe that I allow myself to have sex with her. I know better than that. When I woke up this morning, I instantly regret us having sex. Us making love just complicates our situation more than I want it to. I bury my face in my hands and let out an aggravating scream. I just keep digging a deeper hole between us.

When I woke up this morning to her hand on my chest, I damn near lost my thoughts when I looked into her eyes. Then, big J began speaking and it was game over.

I stand up, realizing that I'm going to have to face her and tell her that last night doesn't change anything. I still need my space, and I still feel as though we need a divorce. I dread having this conversation with her. I get ready to walk in the building, until I see Ashlee coming out the building.

"Hey, new boy." She grins at me, walking pass me.

"It's Jason." I correct her with a smile forming on my lips.

She turns around and walks backward, nodding. "Maybe Mr. Drama. Better?"

"Oh, you got jokes, Ash?"

"Facts." She continues to smile and waves bye to me. She turns back around and continues to walk to a car.

I watch as she gets into the passenger's side and gives whoever a bigger smile than the one she greeted me with. I stand there outside the building and continue to watch on as the person drives off. It's none of my business, but I catch a guy on the driver's side as they speed by me.

I frown up a little, trying not to let it bother me. This girl told me that she didn't have a boyfriend, yet she just got into a car with a dude that she was smiling really hard at. I shouldn't care, because it's not like I know her too well. I'm just a dude trying to get a date with her. I just don't like the lying shit. If she has a man, she could have just told me that.

I turn around and head inside the building to have my talk with Melissa. I run up the steps two at a time, trying to figure out how to word my words to her. I don't want to sound like a complete ass. I know that right now she's vulnerable and emotional, and I don't want her to just snap.

I walk into the front door, catching Mel in the kitchen. She smiles fondly at me, before finishing up on breakfast. I walk into the small kitchen and lean against the counter, watching her.

"How do you feel about what happened between us last night?" I casually bring up.

Mel gaze flickers to me for a second and then she shrugs. "I don't know. How do you feel?" She stops what she's doing completely, peering up at me.

"It was just sex." I mumble the words, but I know that she heard me from the look on her face. "I mean . . . " I clear my throat, wishing that I can say something that sounds half decent than what I just said. "I still love you, but it wasn't anything special." I think I just made it worse.

"Oh." She looks down at her hands and then back at me, completely speechless.

This is an awkward situation. "Yeah." I mumble, looking away from her.

"You just wanted to fuck me?" She asks in a strain voice.

I turn away from her, because as much as she might think this is easy, it's not. I've never said that she was just a fuck. She would never be categorized as just a fuck. She's more than that to me, but last night wasn't make up sex. "No." I answer quietly. "You're not just a fuck."

"Do you still feel like I should go back home?" She asks me.

I nod my head, wishing that I can just get over her and Cameron. Obviously she doesn't want to be with me. She's been creeping with Cameron damn near the whole time that we were together. I'm just going to set her free.

"You can't even look at me?"

I don't say anything. I hate who I am, when I'm angry at her. Mel doesn't realize the affect that her actions have on me. I can't love her the way that she wants me to, if I don't feel love from her. I can't be the one that she needs me to be, if I lack trust in my heart for her. I can't give her my whole being, if she is the reason why I'm so angry all the time.

"Hello!" She screams behind me. "I'm talking to you. At least turn around and communicate with me!"

I run my hand over my face, angrily. I'm so tired of doing this shit with her. I just want her to take her ass home to Cameron. I turn around and look in her tear filled eyes. "What do you want from me?" I ask, calmly. "I'm trying to be the good guy and tell you that I'm done."

"You're done, but yet you took that head job in the shower from me. You're done, but you fucked me last night! You told me that you loved me!"

"I do love you!" It's now my turn to get frustrated. "Damn." I whisper in a low voice. "I hate that this is us. This isn't supposed to be us, Mel. I don't want you here. I don't want this marriage. I don't want a friendship. I just want you to go. Go."

The more words that fall from my lips, the more tears fall from her eyes. She opens her mouth, but not a single sound comes out. She closes her mouth and goes back to fixing our plates.

I open my mouth to call out her name, but decide against it. I walk pass her, brushing against her. I head to the front door, deciding today is probably the best day to look for a job. I have to escape my life.