Pieces of Forever

68 - JASON

Jason

I knock on her front door a couple times and step away from the door, so that she can't see me through the peep hole. It's a little after two in the morning. After Mel and I walked around in the downtown area for a couple hours, we came home and made love. We fell asleep in each other's arms, and I woke up about twenty minutes ago. Right now I'm standing in front of Ashlee's front door. Since I've been back in Atlanta, I've been blowing her off. I haven't answered any of her calls, or messages. I know that she probably hates me, so I think right now is a perfect time to talk to her. Yes, at two in the morning. Because any other time, I won't have the time to talk to her. I'm dedicated to giving Mel all of me.

Ashlee opens the door a crack and pokes her head out. She rolls her eyes, when she sees me and tries to close the door, but I stick my shoe in the door.

"Can we talk?"

"Jason, I'm so tired of your bullshit. What was all that shit that you talked a week ago? How do you tell someone that you love them and then ignore them? What the fuck type of game are you playing?"

"I do love you." I say, honestly. "Listen, can we go outside and talk? Please?"

She walks completely out of the apartment and closes the door behind herself. She has on pink pajama pants on with a yellow tank top. Her hair is down and a little messy. She walks pass me, rolling her eyes.

"You're such a jackass, Jason. I swear."

I don't say anything as I head towards the elevator. Hell, I know that I'm jackass. I push the button for the elevator to come and she stands against the wall, shaking her head. She doesn't even make eye contact with me. When the elevator comes, we both step on it and I push for it to go to the first floor.

"You want to sit in your car and talk in secrecy?" She says a bit bitter.

I shake my head. "No. In front of the building. I just don't want us to be in the hallway, discussing whatever."

"Whatever is right." She rolls her eyes again.

The elevator stops on the first floor, and I let her walk out first. I walk behind her as she speeds walk to the entrance of the building. She sits on the bench outside the building, and I sit next to her.

"What do you want?" She turns to me with a frown on her face.

"Mostly to apologize for everything. Man, Ash, you don't know how it feels to have you in my life."

"Blah blah blah." She interrupts me. "Same script, different day."

I look down at my legs, waiting for her to be quiet. She has ever right to feel like this, so I'm not going to get upsest.

"I can understand how my wife felt like she needed dude." I say, looking straight ahead. "When shit is messed up between us, I feel like I need you. You're amazing." I turn to her, finally grabbing her attention. "See, I couldn't understand this whole time how she got so caught up with him to the point that she laid down with him. I tried to understand it all, because it was the only way to forgive her, but I couldn't." Once again, I'm pouring my soul out to Ashlee. "But then there's you and I. And now I can see how she ran to him, when we weren't good." I smile a little. "I run to you to escape the drama in my life with her. I could easily sleep with you and get lost in this thing with you. You make it so easy for me, Ash, because you're always here for me to listen and offer advice. You're wonderful. And if he were anything to her like you are to me, then I get it."

Ashlee just looks at me, with tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

"I get how she can love him by accident and try to resist him, but still end up in some type of mess with him. You do that to me, girl. It was so hard for me to ignore your messages and calls this past week." I lean back on the bench, looking away from her. "I love my wife with everything inside of me, but me not being able to forgive her for that shit with dude was holding me back." I turn to look at Ashlee as her eyes glisten with tears. "I forgive her a hundred percent, because I know how she must have felt. Rather this is our first child together or not, I know that we will be okay." I smile a little, thinking about my Mel. "I'm not going anywhere."

Ashlee looks down at the ground and wipes her tears. "Thanks for bringing me out here to declare your love for your wife."

"That's not why I brought you out here. I really did like whatever it is that we had. You're an amazing person. I'm just already in love with someone."

"Are you saying goodbye again?" She peeks up at me.

"Yeah. I am." I turn my whole body to her to look at her face. Ashlee shakes her head, sadly. "Thanks for being my friend, but I kind of already have one of those and she trusts me with her heart. Sorry."

"No, I'm sorry for being amazing to you." She says, quietly. "I hope that you and her are happy."

I nod my head, standing up. "I do love you, but it's nothing like the way that I love her. I feel like you should know that. I love you as a friend, but I don't think that we should continue that, because I'm not trying to cheat on my baby again. I do learn from my mistakes."

Ashlee looks away from me without saying a word to me. I bend down and kiss her on the forehead. I walk away from her without turning around.

I know that she will forever hate me. I never had intentions of doing this to her. I never thought that I would be able to forgive Mel and understand how she could hurt me. Now being in her shoes with Ashlee, I get it all. My baby found someone who listened to her and was there, when she thought I wasn't there. My mission is to always be there for her and listen to her.

I smile to myself as I run up the stairs. It's crazy how in love I am with this girl. I'm a little disappointed that Leslie's baby isn't mine, but I figured that things happen for a reason. I don't want to stand in the way of destiny.

I walk down my hall, trying to hurry back inside my place. I just want to take my clothes off and lay beside Mel. I want to hold her in my arms.

The moment that I walk through the front door, I head towards the bedroom. I pull off all my clothes with the exception of my boxers and climb into bed with Mel. I scoot closer to her and put my arms around her body. Mel moans a little as she turns around in the bed to face me. She snuggles up close to me, putting her leg around my body. I close my eyes, rubbing her lower back.

*****

I walk into my front door, trying to stay quiet. It's been ten weeks since I had cut off all communications with Ashlee. Of course, I still see her around the building, but she doesn't even look at me. I honestly do feel bad for hurting her. I just hope she will be able to forgive me in time for all the hurt that I had caused her.

I haven't really been spending that much time with my girl between work and school. I feel bad, because I know that she hasn't been getting that much time with me. I'm usually gone, before she gets up in the morning. After whatever classes that I have, I rush off to work and I always work until eleven at night. By the time that I get home, my baby is sleep.

I have to hand it to her, because she barely complains about my schedule. She always have dinner waiting for me with a cute little note, or something. She stays on top of laundry and keeping our place clean. She damn near did Jessica's whole room by herself. I told myself that after a couple more months with Target that I'm going to change my availability, so that I can at least spend Sundays with my family.

I toss my bag on the couch and walk towards my bedroom. I just want to see if she's up, so that maybe we can get some time in together. When I walk into the room, I see her laying on top of the covers, sleeping peacefully. Her stomach is so huge. Her due date is in another two weeks.

I walk slowly over to the bed and sit on the bed, looking at her sleep. I want to wake her up, because earlier on the phone she had told me to wake her as soon as I get home. But it's midnight, and I don't have it in me to wake her up. I rub her stomach that's exposed. All she has on is a sports bra and some boy shorts. I let my eyes roam all the way down to her swollen feet. She's been complaining lately about her back and feet hurting her all the time. I grab one of her foot in my hands and begin rubbing them. Maybe if I have a little time to on Sunday before work, I'll give her a full body massage. I rub both of her feet for ten minutes, before deciding to take a shower and put some food in my stomach.

I thought us living together would be just like when we were living together back in Chicago. Since I've gotten a real job, I barely get to see the girl. Then with school thrown in the mix, I have no time for her. I feel like shit, because I told her that I will always make time for us, and I haven't been doing that at all. I'm going to make it all up to her just as long as she stays patient with me. Everything that I do, I do it for us