STALK [l.h]

● 11 ●

V I C T O R I A

I waited for him...

and waited...

and waited...

He's coming, I know it. He would atleast want to know who's been giving him those anonymous love letters for years.

I kept telling myself that, maybe he would like me too if I told him that it was me all along. I already played it all in my head, how I should tell him. I even practiced for it a couple of times already

for nothing.

Ashton saw me there and I didn't know what else to do. I tried being casual about it and asked why he was still at school. He told me that he had work to do, but then I saw it in Ashton's eyes that he knew that something was wrong. He opened his arms and I just ran to him and hugged him as tight as I could.

Maybe having true friends wasn't bad at all.

Ashton tightened our embrace and we stayed in silence for a while. I liked how Ashton knew that I didn't want to talk yet, that I just needed someone to hug.

"I'm here now babe. Don't cry" he said as he kissed the top of my head. I didn't bother to react when he called me babe. It was a usual thing that Ashton did to girls so I knew that was nothing.

"Come on, let's get you home"

Ashton drove me home that night and the ride was silent. Ashton just had his hand on my thigh as he rubbed circles with his thumb the whole time. I would usually freak out about a gesture like that, but Ashton's my friend now and I felt safe, protected and calm now. He gives me warmth and assurance and that was definitely what I needed right now.

We stopped in front of my house and we stayed there for a while. I noticed that all the lights were off already. Maybe my parent's already left off to this trip that they planned for their anniversary. They trusted me because they knew I was responsible enough and I wasn't one of those reckless hormonal teenagers.

"Hey you wanna come inside? My parent's aren't around"

Ashton's eyes widened and my eyes popped open when I realized that sounded wrong. so wrong. "Fuck--oh shit wait no. That's not what I meant. I just didn't want to be rude. You wanna come in? Get something to eat or drink maybe?"

he smiled and he let out a soft laugh. His smiles were always contagious, I didn't know why I bothered to stop myself everytime he makes me smile. "Yeah okay sure."

* * *

Ashton and I ended up ordering pizza since we didn't even get to eat yet and we were both starving. We were sprawled out on my bed as we watched a few movies.

I turned the TV off and we got silent again.

"Ash--"

"Yeah okay let's talk about it" he cut me off

"How did you know that I wanted to talk about it?" he just looked down on his clasped hands and he looked around my room not wanting to make eye contact "Cuz I know how you feel Tori. Trust me I know, and I know that you've been pushing people away but just please let it out."

I smiled weakly at him and he grabbed my hands as I started to tell him everything. Starting from when i met him, how I first saw him that day at school, how I developed feelings for him, until to the events of what happened today.

Ashton still had his hands intertwined with mine as he looked deeply into my eyes as I told him everything. When the story was over, he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and raised my chin with his finger so my face was leveled with his.

"Why? Why Tori? Why do you need to push yourself to someone who doesn't even feel the same way? Please don't do this, I don't want to see you hurt, or upset or change yourself. It pains me to see you like that. There are people who love you, you have no idea--"

I looked at his green eyes and my eyes went down to his lips then back to his eyes again.

"--people like me Tori, I really like you. As crazy as it sounds but yeah, I do" Ashton leaned closer to me as I also did.

Closer

Closer

Closer

then I pulled away knowing that this was wrong. This was so wrong. I shouldn't develop any feelings for Ashton, of any sort, not when I still liked Luke.

"Tori please, just please don't push me away." he said as he pulled me closer to him as he smashed his lips with mine.

My eyes shot open and I tried to push him away. I know this was our second forced kiss but it meant nothing.

"Ashton no--"

"Please. Please Tori just please love me--I won't ever hurt you. Give me a chance" he said in between kisses as he continued to kiss me forcefully but he was still gentle.

Then was when I noticed my hand run to his left cheek and I felt something wet on my fingers.

Was Ashton crying?

Before I knew it I was already kissing him back. Pulling him closer to me as our kisses became soft and slow and it felt so much worse knowing I was doing thia out of pity.

"Ashton please don't cry. I'll give you a chance" his pulled away and I saw how his eyes lit up and a smile spread across his face.

"You're not gunna regret this. I promise. I love you, God Tori I love you so much. So fucking much" he said as we kissed again and I caught myself smiling.

Maybe this was a good thing. Ashton was good to me after all, he has always been and he promised not to hurt me. He was there everytime I needed him and to be completely honest, I knew I had a few feelings for him since the start. He was attractive but that was only one of his bonuses. He was an amazing guy.

"just please don't make me regret this."

"You won't babe, I promise you. I love you." he said as he pulled me in for a hug and kissed my forehead.

And that was it. That was the day that I crumbled down my walls, for a green eyed blonde boy.

* * *

*mic drop*

it was nice seeing you all, have a good night, im about to go cleanse myself bc ashton irwin

I need jesus in my life.