Chapter Eighty-Three Deep Thoughts

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Our painting excursions soon became routine. After breakfast we would gather our supplies and head outside so long as the weather was fair. Leah moved around the garden fixating on a new bloom to capture with her paints while I remained caught somewhere between home and sea. At first Owen did his best to remain between us, even if at a distance. However as the days became weeks he followed her more closely and I tried to find solace that love was blooming for my friends, if not for me.

Watching the merriment of Freddie and Patience play with their beautiful children or the innocent flirtations between Leah and Owen, I felt myself becoming distant. Soon I took to prolonged stays in my room, flitting between my journals filled with violets and memories or the letters that Percival finally gave to me. It wasn't until I realized that it was practically three months since I had last seen Isaac that my faith began to waiver. I've heard nothing from him since he told me that he'd return. Nothing from him nor his father. Nothing.

I felt alone, far more alone than I have ever felt. Freddie's voice of reason became louder and clearer in my mind. I wanted to love and be loved in return. I wanted my own family. I wanted the happiness that I saw all around me.

With October upon us, I knew that Percival would be returning soon and expecting an answer. He deserved an answer. I looked over my desk, strewn with letters and journals. I had mementos of a lost love . . . because as far as I knew, Isaac was lost . . . and the promise of a future with Percival. I needed to make a decision, but as long as I had a glimmer of hope that Isaac would return, I could not fully give myself to Percival, and that would not be fair to him. It would not be fair to me.

While I was not closer to a final answer, I did feel that I was maturing. A quiet laugh escaped as I remembered Percival reminiscing about my ringlets. That seemed ages ago. I took a deep breath, this was about more than just my future; the happiness of three individuals hung in the balance. Actually more than three if I considered everyone that had a hand in this. That did not help my nerves. I needed to breathe. I needed fresh air.

As I made my way down the hall, I heard Patience reading to Isabella in the nursery. It did my heart good to see her doting on her daughter. Now more than ever, their resemblance was uncanny. The house seemed unusually quiet as I descended the stairs. Freddie was tucked away in his study, his brow furrowed as he poured over the stacks of parchment that littered his desk. The only noise I heard was deep, bearlike snores coming from the day room. That could only mean that Mr. Nassar was enjoying his mid-morning nap.

I called for Jasper as I neared the kitchen, "He's out in th' garden, dearie," Charlotte answered as I rounded the corner.

"He's not to be out . . . "

"Now, now," she shook her finger at me, "young Miss Leah and Mr. Owen have the pups with them."

"Oh," I tried to hide my giggle when I noticed the large flour smudge across her cheek. "Are you making something special, Charlotte?"

"Mr. Nassar gave me a recipe from his homeland!" she happily whispered, "I'm making some of his apple cakes right now!"

"Well, maybe I should help you," I began moving towards the oven when I was stopped by a large wooden spoon coming between me and stove.

"Oh no you don't!" her happy little voice disappeared and was replaced by the firm authoritative tone she used when she commanded her kitchen help. "I know what you're up to! No sneaking a taste until everyone has one! Now you just go out and join your little friends!"

I could not hide the laughter as she forcibly removed me from the kitchen and ushered me outside. Once I was most certainly out of the kitchen, she slammed the door hard. No one intrudes on Charlotte when she has a new recipe in her grasp.

After I adjusted my cloak, I headed for the gardens to look for Leah and Owen. The vibrant colors of the leaves were the only thing that was warm as the wind took on a chill that said winter would be coming. It wasn't until I neared the back row that I even spied my friends. I stopped and watched as Owen was pointing things out on Leah's canvas. She would in turn nod and use her brushes. They were talking quite animatedly and it left me speechless, my quiet friends. I felt a warm blush fill my cheeks when I recalled Isaac commenting on my observing another set of friends having an intimate moment. The wind picked up again and I felt a shiver run down my back. I decided not to intrude and instead of joining them, I made my way to the beach.

Deep breaths of the cool salty air did me good. I felt my mind ease and some of the tension dissolve. I climbed the large rock and sat there looking out over the sea. The sound of the lapping waves was calming and I closed my eyes to just listen.

It wasn't until I felt a gentle shake and someone calling my name that I realized I had fallen asleep. "Miss W-Woodbridge, are you all right?" Owen looked concerned as he brushed my hair from my face. "Are you hurt?"

I sat up quickly, "Yes," I nodded as I tried to pull my cloak tighter around me. Once I noticed the worry in his eyes as they searched my countenance, I gave myself a shake, "I mean, no, I'm not hurt. I must have . . . oh please don't tell Freddie!"

He smiled gently and offered me a hand to climb back to the beach, "Our secret."

I looked around once I was on the sand, "Um, where is Leah?" Surely she would have been with him.

"Ah, I came to find you," he seemed to think I would faint or something as he stayed close, keeping one hand on my back as he guided me up the stairs and back towards the gardens.

"Is everything okay?" Now it was my turn to worry. Usually it's Freddie that comes to find me.

"Yes," he smiled, "everything seems quite okay. There are visitors for you and Miss Edgehill."

I stopped at the top of the stairs, "Visitors?" I must have seemed weak in that moment, I know my knees wobbled. Owen took hold of me to keep me steady. "Visitors . . . for me and Leah?"

"They arrived almost a-an hour ago," he said, "we've been looking for you . . . they were most insistent to see you."

I felt the tears rushing to escape, it's finally happening! I let go of his hands and began running. I could not get there fast enough. Lord Edgehill found Isaac and brought him back to us! I heard Owen calling after me but I couldn't stop. I had been waiting for so long!

My heart was pounding against my chest as I entered the house. Jasper and Alice came barking to greet me in the kitchen. Charlotte said nothing as she was getting a tray of tea and cakes ready, she only waved me on with a smile. I felt my hands shake as I entered the hallway, I could hear Freddie talking but I didn't even try to make out what he was saying. I just needed to see him . . . to see Isaac.

I tried to steady my breathing before I entered the room, but I couldn't. I didn't even care what I looked like and part of me knew I was a mess. The only thing that mattered was that . . . "Here she comes," Freddie announced as I crossed the threshold.

"Margaret!" Faith's voice went from overjoyed to upset in a heartbeat. That was the last I heard as blackness surrounded me and I slumped to the floor.

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