Jay Cee El

Forty // Numb

[rewritten]

Here is the next chapter!

Enjoy!

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Niall's P.O.V

The weeks following my birthday were long, and full of nothing. The lads tried to help me out the best they could, I knew that they knew something was different about me. It was so hard pretending in front of them sometimes. Normally I would try my best to pretend, but I couldn't all the time. Some days I was fine, all smiles and laughs. But others I just... couldn't. Those days would be full of silence. I would let the demons in my head control the way I thought or the way that I acted. It was terrible and I found it suffocating.

I have been working out with Liam too, trying to build up the muscle that I clearly lacked. It's been working and everyone has noticed. I'm getting tweets from fans saying that they loved the new look, I'm getting tweets that say I am trying too hard. Then there are the tweets that say I'm better off dead. So right now, it's easy to understand why all I can feel is numb.

I'm still staying with Zayn as well. I've been looking around to find another flat for myself but I just can't find anything. I've asked Zayn for help but truth be told, I don't think he wants me to leave. I think that he wants me to stay here so he'll be able to 'keep an eye on me', or at least, that's what he told Harry on the phone earlier today.

I let out a long sigh, pushing my phone away from me. Twitter really isn't something that I should be doing right now. As I was doing that, the door to my room was pushed in and I saw Harry's familiar head of curls poke into the room.

"Hey," He said, "We were going to head out for a night at a club, we wanted to know if you wanted to come." Harry asked.

I took a deep breath before faking a smile. "Yeah, let me just grab me wallet and I'll be out in a minute." I said.

"You sure? Because we could always stay in if you want. I think Zayn has some drinks here." Harry asked.

"No, m'sure. It'll be fun, yeah?" I said, climbing off the bed. "I gotta get dressed first, so if you don't mind..." I trialed off.

"Right, I'll see you in a few minutes then." Harry said, closing the door. As soon as the door was closed I let out a long sigh and fell back onto the bed. I did not want to go out and spend a night in the city. I just wanted to stay here and be by myself. But I couldn't do that, I didn't want to disappoint them.

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The atmosphere of the club was terrible. All I could hear was the pounding in my head and I felt like throwing up. The entire place was full of drunken people and normally, I would want to be having a few pints and having fun with my friends. But I just couldn't. Instead, I was sitting in one of the booths by myself while the lads were off somewhere unknown to me.

I closed my eyes for a brief second, wishing my headache away. I wanted to go home, no, I longed to go home. I pulled out my phone, going onto Twitter like I usually do. My mentions were full of hate and as I scrolled through them, I felt the usual pang of self hatred.

Niall seriously needs to grow up

Tbh he isn't as cute as the other boys

Does he really contribute to band?

I kinda just want him to leave, idec anymore

He's honestly just like Liz Johnston. I think they'd be cute together

Hannah could do so much better, I'm glad she left him

Why does Niall eve-

I paused and scrolled back up, looking at the tweet about that Liz Johnston girl. I clicked onto the fans account, seeing that tweet at the top of her page. I looked down at the rest of her tweets and almost smiled when I saw her defending me. I paused again when I saw how she wanted Jay Cee El to make it through. Through what?

I shook my head and went back up to the account and pressed follow, being that she was defending me. It was so nice of her and I'm so proud that I can call her a true fan. I just wish that others would be more like her.

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For the entire next few days the name Liz Johnston kept ringing in my head. I couldn't understand why that fan says I'm just like her and that we would look cute together. I don't even know who the hell she was, why would we look cute together? I don't think that I could look good with anyone, she was probably way out of my league anyway. I let out a sigh and opened up a new tab on my laptop. I had been looking for flats in the nearby area, though I had no luck. Now I wanted to see who exactly this Liz girl was.

I went onto Twitter, ignoring the hate that was obviously there. Quickly searching up Liz Johnston, her account came up. I was immediately taken by her profile picture. Her blonde hair was a mess of waves and her blue eyes were so bright, even in a picture. She looked about my age, maybe even younger. She looked maybe seventeen, eighteen at the oldest. Either way, she was really pretty. She had the simplicity aura about her- at least that's what I felt. She wasn't one of those girls that looked like a Victoria's Secret model, she looked like your average everyday girl and that was what was so pretty about her, beautiful even.

Tearing my eyes away from her profile picture, I looked at her Twitter bio. lol I am so not good at these, but I'm Liz Johnston. I'm 1/3 of Jay Cee El, I'm so glad that I can finally say that now!! Jay Cee El... that was what that fan was tweeting about. I couldn't understand what it was though. Was it a band or something? I scrolled down, continuing down the page. Her activity has been insane lately, tweeting a lot. There were a lot of pictures that she's tweeted, her with two other girls.

I was looking through them, but one picture made me pause. She was smiling towards the camera, and Simon was standing right next to her. She looked like she was trying to contain a laugh while as he was giving her a glare. It was obvious that he was holding back a smile, which told me that he liked her. It was really weird seeing her with him. I didn't know if they were related or not. Maybe she was a niece? I feel like Simon would have at least mentioned her. Just as I was about to scroll past the picture, I noticed that Demi was in the background.

That was when it clicked. She must be a contestant in the X Factor USA. It made since why she was with Simon and why Demi was in the background. It also made her bio make more since, being that she wouldn't be able to tell anyone that she was in the competition.

She had quite a lot of followers and honestly, I didn't understand why. Maybe if the show has been on for a while and viewers followed her... I just didn't understand. But it was the same way when I was on the X Factor. I looked at her tweets, reading through them. I was surprised when I saw so many tweets about the lads and I.

@Liz_Johnston: @NiallOfficial I'm sorry to hear about the trouble w Hannah. Hope you feel better soon!! Just know that I'm available ;) xx

I smiled when I saw that tweet, though I was confused. It was nice to know that not everybody was upset over the Nannah breakup. I was surprised at the fact that she said that she was available. It was cute and flirty, it almost made me feel giddy or even excited. It was weird to think that I was feeling something other than numb.

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I hope you liked the chapter. I know it's kinda short but there you go. Sorry it took so long to get these ten chapters up. I don't know why it took so long. I've been SO FREAKING BUSY and ugh, I'm sorry.

Please VOTE and COMMENT my lil' Gummy Worms!

~ Amanda xx

—Gif on the side is of Niall. He's such a cutie omg it's killing me. It seriously took forever to find a gif because I got so distracted lol