Despondent | (Completed but editing)

Chapter 5.

"I'm Lana, I'm 16, I'm from England and I suffer with severe depression!" I say in a happy yet sarcastic tone.

"Oh, I'm sorry. You seem happy today," Jason says.

"I am happy, I'm drunk and horny," the words fall from my mouth.

"Same if I'm honest," he says and pats the space next to him on the bed. I scoot next to him, leaning my back against the headboard. Before I know if, my drunken mess of a mind makes me break down into tears.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Jason asks me, wiping a tear from my cheek with his thumb and then wraps his arm around me, bringing me to his chest, "talk to me, I know you don't know me very well but believe it or not I'm very understanding and have been through a lot too."

"I'm not good enough," I cry into his chest, sounding muffled, "I'm always used."

"What do you mean?" He says, sounding concerned.

"Sorry all of this is just coming out and I can't control it," I say with a muffled giggle, "I've just been used a lot, I guess. I always have a crush on people then I end up doing stuff with them thinking it will make them like me back, and then they fuck off and never talk to me again. I've been in one single relationship but all he wanted was my virginity, I don't care he can have that. I wanted it gone. But it was all a joke to him and I really loved him."

"Hey, look at me," Jason sits me up and looks me in the eye, "I may look like a douche but listen. Some guys only want one thing and that's sex, but not all guys do. One day you will find someone who loves you for who you are, no matter what," I interrupt him by crashing my lips against his and he sort of shrugs and pulls me on top of him. I brush my tongue across his bottom lip and he allows me entry and our tongues fight for dominance. I grind my hips against him and earn a groan from him. My mind finally comes to terms that this is happening, sobering me up and leaving me disappointed yet still hungry for the taste of mint on this stranger's lips. I pull away and stare down.

"You good?" He asks me as I roll off him.

"Yeah, yeah, sorry," I mumble.

"For what?" He asks and props himself up on his elbows.

"For kissing you, I know you didn't want to," I say. Why would he want to kiss me? No one wants to kiss me. Ever. No one would ever let me just kiss them. Stupid thoughts take over my once drunken, happy ones and cause me to overthink.

"Shut up," he says and surprises me by pushing me down against the bed and kisses me again. My body ignites and I feel something I've never felt before. He grinds against me and I groan into his mouth. I want this. I feel wanted. I feel liked. I need this feeling constantly. He's a stranger but this is college and I am going to live it to the full experience, including the many or little amount of flings that may or may not happen. I guess I wasn't accepted early into NYU at the young age of 16 for this, but I will only ever be 16 once and I am going to try my hardest to enjoy every moment, in spite of the bad ones.

All the bad thoughts have shoved themselves to the back of my mind, locked themselves in a box and threw the key away. I feel happy, and I'm barely drunk anymore.

"Uhm, do you wanna.." Jason whispers, pulling away from the kiss for a second and I just nod and pull him down again. His hand travels up my side and he catches the hem of my t shirt and pulls it up over my head, breaking the kiss for a second. He pulls my skirt up a small bit before he unbuckles his jeans, pulling them down slightly. He begins to kiss my collarbones gently, travelling up my neck and nibbling on the skin underneath my ear, sending chills down my body. He's definitely leaving somewhat of a mark, but my mind has been ignited with something more powerful than caring about that.

"These stockings are hot," he says as his hand travels up my inner thigh, grabbing them and massaging them slightly, causing my legs to stiffen slightly. He smirks against my neck and the feeling of his cool breath against the marks he's left sends shivers down my entire body.

He slowly traces up my inner thigh, finally bringing them up to my aching core and pressing firmly, the lace of my panties still holding a barrier between us.

"So wet," he says seductively in my ear as he pulls himself away from me to focus on my lower region.

"Your body is beautiful," he mutters and his words make me heated. My body has never been complimented in such a way. This man who I haven't known for longer than an hour has sparked an immortal flame inside of me already, sending a mixture of sparks and chills up and down my body.

He slowly traces the line of my panties, catching onto them with both of his middle fingers and slowly pulling them down my thighs, over my shoes and over my feet. He gently spreads my legs, the pad of his fingers digging into them slightly. My skirt hikes up my thighs slightly with his movements.

With a movement so quick yet so painfully slow, his middle finger connect with my core and begins to make circular motions over my clit. A moan falls from my parted lips. He moves slowly, getting me to the edge with every movement. He keeps this up for a while, earning moans from me. He looks up at me whilst grinning and dipping his head down between my legs. He removes his finger and his cold breath hits me, causing me to shiver. I would've never known a breath could feel as good and make me ache as much as it did. He presses his tongue flat against me, not moving for a while. I reach out and grab his head, pulling it up and proceeding to push it down again before he begins to move on his own.

"Jason," I moan as I intertwine my fingers in his hair, pulling slightly. He slips a finger inside of me and pumps slowly, sending those same sparks through my body.

"So tight," he groans onto my sensitive area, removing his tongue for a split second just to speak those words, before connecting it once again.

"Jason, I'm gonna," I begin to moan as he pulls his finger out of me and brings himself up again.

"Not yet," he smirks at me as he lays down next to me. He reaches over to the dresser but I tap him on the shoulder to stop him.

"I'm on the pill," I say. I was on the pill to regulate my periods. He shrugs and lays back on the bed. I reach out and pull his tight jeans down slightly, making sure I grab the hem of his boxers so I can pull them down too. I pull them down enough to reveal his member, it hitting his stomach. Without wasting any time at all, I quickly wrap my lips around it, using my tongue to tease the tip. He groans very loudly as I begin to speed up my movements and bob my head up and down a few times, his large size hitting the back of my throat multiple times, causing me to gag a little. I briefly stop and get up on my knees, placing one on either side of him. I slowly lower myself onto him and we both groan in unison at the pleasure. I begin to roll my hips as his eyes roll into the back of his head, letting me know I'm doing something right. This feeling is like nothing I've felt before. I can't think about anything other than the pleasure I am experiencing in the present moment.

I am barely moving but I'm experiencing the most amount of pleasure, nothing like I ever had with anyone before. After a few more rolls of my hips, I begin to climax and moan louder and louder. Be both reach our highs at the same time and he spills inside of me. I sit there for a few seconds trying to come back to reality. I flop myself next to him, out of breath. He wraps his arm around me and pulls me to him, also out of breath.