Despondent | (Completed but editing)

Chapter 9.

We pull up outside the tall block of apartments and I step out of the car.

"Are you coming in?" I ask Jason as I walk round to the other side of the car and notice he hasn't got out yet, his hands on the steering wheel with his head resting on them.

"Huh? Oh, yeah," he says and takes the keys out of the car, climbs out and follows me towards the lobby. I open the door and press the elevator button. The lift arrives and we step inside, pressing floor number 26. The doors close slowly and I lean back against the glass at the back of the small box.

"What's wrong?" I ask Jason, noticing he's acting a bit off.

"Nothing I just, I don't know, I'll talk to you in a minute," he replies with a smile as the elevator stops and the doors open. I lead him to my apartment and open the door, letting us in. He takes his shoes off at the door as I rush into the kitchen and grab a bottle of Coke and a bottle of vodka and two glasses. I take them into the front room and put them on the small coffee table and me and Jason both take a seat on the black leather sofa. I pour a huge class of Coke and vodka, mostly vodka, because Im feeling down all of a sudden. I take a few sips of the cold liquid and I enjoy the feeling of the burn as it slips down my throat.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong with you first?" Jason asks me as I feel the alcohol begin to take effect on me for the second time in the past few hours.

"I don't know, everything's wrong with me. Can't you see that?" I say and put my head down, taking a huge sip and downing half of my drink while Jason takes a small sip of his.

"Lana, please. Don't put yourself down. I've told you this before, you're beautiful. And I've noticed you're not the same after we left the diner earlier. Did I say something wrong?" He asks me.

"That Sophie girl, I can see why you'd choose her over me. I'm sorry I sound psychotic and we're not even together but I feel myself falling for you Jason.." the words fall from my mouth before I can stop them.

"It's okay Lana. Thank you. And no, I really don't like Sophie. I really like you. I haven't felt this way about anyone before," he admits to me and my drunken mind decides what to say for me.

"I,I," I can't form a coherent sentence, "would you like to go out with me?"

Jason looks at me with wide eyes, "really? You're serious?"

"Yeah, I am. And we can get a house together and buy six dogs," I giggle.

"Hmm, shh. I'm only 17 and you're only 16," he says and sips his drink, "what's on your mind?"

"I don't know, stuff about my past really," I admit to him.

"Would you like to talk about it?" He asks.

"Yes I would, however I am going to get changed quickly so I'll be back in a second," I say and stand up to face him, shooting him a small drunken grin before heading into my small bedroom. I take a moment to look over New York City in the night time. I felt like I was in a movie, looking out of the window with my arms folded to my chest, taking in the beautiful view. My thoughts trace back to the day I got accepted into New York University at the young age of 16. I finished college back in London within a year, and have always been a year ahead of everyone. I guess that's one thing I liked about myself. I sit back on my bed with my head in my knees and my hands intertwined in my black hair, pulling at it slightly.

"Lana, you have post," my mum says as I come home from a long stressful day at college.

"Right," I say at I pick up the thick A4 sized envelope on the kitchen table. I hold it to my chest as I kick off my black converse at the bottom of our small stairwell. I jog up the stairs, the bangles on my wrist clashing together resulting in a loud noise. I open the door to my room and push it shut with my back, leaning against it to get myself into a better mindset. "This may or may not be the changing point of your life, Lana. If you are accepted then that's amazing but if you're not then that's okay too. You're an amazing young girl and you are wise beyond your years," I whisper to myself. 'Stop lying to yourself Lana. It's most likely going to be bad news. It's you for fuck's sake, when was the last time anything went okay for you? Even if it is good news and you can go and live your dream in New York City, what would he the point? Who would like you? Where would you live? Your dad isn't going to provide for you forever. You'll fail all of your exams. You will. You will.' The voice in my head reminds me and try and block it out by pushing my earphones into my ear and playing Metallica.