Despondent | (Completed but editing)

Chapter 37.

"Why haven't you been in college?" My dad says down the phone.

"Psychiatrist said to do my work from home, so that's what I'm doing. I only have to go in for exams and to hand my work in," I tell him.

"Okay, how's everything in New York?" He asks.

"Great," I say, falsely.

"That's good to hear. Lana, I have something to tell you," he says.

"Go ahead," I say, laying down in my neatly made bed, my phone pressed to my ear.

"Your mother is pregnant," he says, in his posh British accent. My mum's pregnant? Surely she can't be, she hasn't been seeing anyone for years.

"Oh," is all I can say.

"I've been meaning to tell you for weeks," he says down the line.

"Oh, who's baby is it anyway?"

"Your uncle Dean's."

"Your brother?!" I practically scream.

"Yep, it turns out they had an affair when I was with your mum," he says. My mother is such a horrible person.

"So I'm going to have a brother or sister who's also my cousin?"

"Yep, ridiculous right?"

"Right." I hear someone shout 'Travis' in the distance on my dad's side of the line, so I know he's being rushed off to a meeting or whatever.

"Lana, I have to go, it's been lovely talking to you," he says before hanging up. I bring my phone down from my ear, closing the phone app and opening Facebook.

Jason Crawe
Single life :/ someone come over.

I wasn't aware that me and Jason are completely finished now? I bet my bottom dollar he'll be with Sophie at some point this week. As I click on his name on the Facebook app, his name appears large over my screen, my phone vibrating. I press the green button to answer the call and bring my phone quickly to my ear once again.

"Hello?" I say down the line.

"Lana," he breathes.

"Yeah?" I respond.

"I can't fucking do this," he says, his voice thick and coarse, as if he's crying.

"What's wrong?"

"I cannot live knowing I've hurt you," he admits.

"You can, I don't mean much, you'll be happy with Sophie at some point this week!" I sarcastically remark, completely ignoring his muffled cries.

"Why don't you care?" He asks.

"I do care, Jason. Very much so. But just bare in mind that when I was hospital, you were fucking Sophie," I remind him. I hear him let out a whimper when he hears the words that have left my mouth and travelled through the phone to his ears.

"I need you right now," he breathes heavily.

"I do too. We need to talk," I finally settle on saying.

"Should I come over?" He asks with a sniff.

"Yes, but if we're going to talk we both need to talk like grown ups, okay? This stuff is all getting to childish for me."

"Okay. I will be there soon."

-

"So what did you want to talk about?" Jason says, facing me, his knee brushing mine. This is the closest me and him have been to each other for two weeks.

"This," I say, my hands gesturing between us, "us."

"It's a mess," he says, looking down.

"I saw the status you put up this morning," I say.

"Oh," he mutters.

"I guess you're ready to move on?"

"No, Lana, I promise. I'm still very much in love with you," he says, looking into my eyes.

"I still want this, I want us, even after everything," I admit.

"I do too," he says, placing his large hand over my small one.

"But," I say and he pushes his eyebrows together, confused.

"What?" He asks.

"Before we even decide to go any further I need you to do something for me," I tell him.

"Anything," he insists.

"I need you to tell me all the lies that are in our relationship. And then we can think about the future."

"You really wanna know?" He says and I take my hand away from under his. I fold my arms over my chest and lean back against the back of the sofa, a prominent eyebrow raised.

"Obviously. I don't want a relationship based on lies," I say.

"Well I can tell you something, but it's something that happened before we was together, when we was only talking," he says.

"Go on."

"I was seeing a girl called Zoe," he begins to say before interrupt him.

"Drew's ex?" I ask, puzzled.

"Yes, her. When me and you were talking and I was falling for you I was with her, but I had no feelings for her, I swear. I just kind of, used her," he says, scratching the back of his neck.

"What the fuck do you mean, Jason?"

"I just, she was there, and I was sort of, desperate.. I don't know."

"Did she love you, Jason?"

"Yes."

"Did you love her?"

"No."

"Did you tell her you loved her?"

"Yes."

"And did she believe you?"

"Yes."

"I guess I'm just one of those girls, huh?"

AUTHORS NOTE

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