Despondent | (Completed but editing)

Chapter 11.

I wake up to find that Jason is no longer in the bed with me. I groan and rub my eyes, still tired. I'm always tired. Sleep doesn't cut being emotionally and physically drained constantly. I sit myself up and stretch and lazily stroll to the windows and pull the curtains back. My eyes flinch at the sudden light but I take it in, letting it wake me up from my lazy state.

It's 10:32 in the morning and I have a bad headache from last night. My mind is flooded with thoughts of what happened last night and quite frankly I can't remember much, although I do remember asking Jason out. Does that mean we're dating now? Did he say no? I need to go and find him. I walk to my dresser and brush my hair up into a ponytail and grab a towel, t-shirt, jeans and some underwear. I walk out of my room and into the front room to find Jason asleep on the couch. Maybe it got too hot in the room and he decided to lay on the sofa to cool down? No, he just didn't want to be near you, my subconscious adds. She's back. All the bad thoughts faded the past week? Why are they coming back now? Just as I start to get happy and something actually goes right for me. I have to stop getting my hopes up.

I run the shower and wait for the right temperature. As soon as it runs warm I set my clothes down on the toilet and hand my towel up on the rack. I undress and step inside the warm shower. The water still stings. It's been ages but it still stings. I try and let the water wash away the thoughts I currently have; worthlessness. Feelings of worthlessness have claimed my body the past few days. You should be used to that, you are worthless, the annoying little voice in my head says again.

-

Jason's POV.

"Dude no. I'm not doing that to Lana, you know how much I like her man," I tell Dan.

"Yeah but come on bro, it's fun and it's money. A lot of money. Everyone knows you're a good fuck," he tells me. I'm not going through with that. I mean, being paid 500 dollars to fuck someone for 15 minutes is a load of money but I'm not doing it. Never. I walk away from that circle and join Drew's.

"Yo man, where's Lana?" Drew asks me as I take a seat next to him.

"Classes, it is Monday morning," I tell him and he freezes.

"Shit, I thought it was Sunday," he says and giggles, "I guess I'm missing today then."

"Yup, same," I say and I pull my phone out and text Lana telling her I hope she has a good day.

Further and further away I drift. Far, far away. Drew snap out of it, I tell myself. I can't. He is coming. My head drops into my knees and he is here. My vision goes black.

Lana's POV.

Jason's text puts a smile on my face and cheers me up out of my shitty mood. I need to sort stuff out with him and get us both in the right track, and find out what both of us want. I don't want him to fuck me around. If he likes me and wants to be with me I need him to tell me. Soon. I don't want to go through anything like I have before.

Halfway through the Drama evaluation I am writing on the table in front of me, a tear falls onto the paper. I don't even realise I am crying. My mind is racing with thoughts about that one night with Liam. And when I found out I was part of a huge joke between him and his friends. And when he leaked the video of him taking advantage of me and he was congratulated for it. He got MONEY for it. I couldn't help it, I was breaking down in class. I run out of class with barely anyone noticing me and I find my car parked close to the block I was in. I grab my keys out of my pocket and rev up the engine, driving as quickly home as possible.

As soon as I pull up outside the block, I run as fast as I can inside and into the lift. I press my floor button and hope no one gets in the lift as I'm in such a state. I finally reach the top floor and I run out and into my apartment. I head straight for the bedroom and I dive into my bed. I bury my head under a pillow and let everything out. My cries are loud and my breaths are short in between them, resulting in me sounding like a toddler having a tantrum.

That's right, it's been a long time since I've had you break down isn't it, the stupid voice in my head reminds me.

"Yes! You're right! This is how I'm always going to be. Breaking down over things that I deserved," I shout into the pillow, still sobbing.

That's right, things you deserved. All that humiliation. You made your mother a laughing stock too, making yourself look like a whore, she tells me.

"I know. My mother didn't deserve it. Only I did," I cry.

Me and you both know what you should do right now, it would make it all better, she suggest.

I should do it. I am going to do it. I hurry off the bed and I use my arm to push everything off of the top of my drawers, all my coursework and books flying everywhere on the floor. My jewellery hits the floor proceeding to make a loud noise. I can't find it. I pull my top drawer open and pull the t-shirts out, like a kid ripping wrapping paper off a present on Christmas morning. I pull a few bras out and throw them across the room. And finally, there it is. Sitting right in front of me.

AUTHORS NOTE.

We're nearly at 1k already! Thank you guys.

Also I know I said I was only gonna do one chapter on the weekend well I just couldn't resist (':  I enjoy writing too much!
Here's the second chapter for today!! I hope you guys enjoy it.
Thank you for reading ah (: