Despondent | (Completed but editing)

Chapter 31.

"I won't do anything you don't want me to. Maybe just a dinner?" Jason suggest and tightens his hold around my back.

"Okay," I say, calming down.

"What was that all about? You almost had a panic attack in your sleep," he says to me.

"You really wanna know?" I say, wriggling out of his grip and positioning myself against the headboard of the bed, and patting the space next to me. Jason slides up the bed and takes the seat next to me.

"Of course I want to know, you can tell me anything," he says, putting his arm around me.

"Okay," I begin, my voice shakey.

"Go on," he prompts me.

"It was my fourteenth birthday, I woke up, got dressed and went downstairs to see my mum, she made me pancakes for breakfast. I thought it was going to be a good day, I didn't think she would be rude to me or anything, especially on my birthday. Anyway, she handed me a card, and I opened it. It told me to get out so I did. And I was with a boy called Liam at the time, so I walked to his house because it was the only place I knew to go. When I got there I explained everything to him and he said I was welcome to stay at his any day I needed to. We chilled out in his bed for a bit and watched The Walking Dead. A few hours went by and he started to kiss me passionately. I went along with it because I didn't want him to be angry. He flipped me over and started grinding on me, trying to make me feel good. He told me he wanted to fuck me, but I said no. I explained to him that I wasn't ready and I didn't feel anywhere near ready, but he wasn't listening. He slapped me and proceeded to undress me. Before I knew it he left me in a crying mess on the bed, unable to move," I tell Jason. When I look up at him he's crying once again.

"I'm so sorry Lana," he cries, playing with my hair.

"It's okay," I say, trying to cheer us both up.

"Honestly, I wish you'd of told me sooner," he says.

"It never came up."

"I remember one time I woke you from a bad dream and you said something about Liam. So now I know that's what you meant, I should've asked you then. I'm sorry," he says and falls into my chest. I wrap my arms around him and cradle him like a baby. I intertwine my hands in his hair, separating it with my fingers. He sobs a few times into my chest before sitting up and sniffing, wiping his nose.

"Please don't cry over me again," I say, looking at him.

"Lana, I love you. There will be times I cry about you, it's just a part of love."

"I don't like the way it makes me feel," I say. Seeing him cry over me makes me feel some kind of way. It makes me feel like I've done something wrong, I never want to see the person I love anything less than happy.

"I'm going to go and get some food in, okay?"

"Okay, don't be long," I say as he puts his boots on along with a hoodie.

"I'll be about an hour, do you need anything?" He asks.

"Tampons," I say with a cheesy smile.

"Oh god, uh, okay," he says and awkwardly scratched the back of his neck.

"Byeeee, Jason," I say with a smile.

"Bye love," he says and walks out of the bedroom, and a few seconds later out of the door.

I tuck myself back under the covers, grabbing my phone off of the table next to me. I have a text from Harper.

Harper: Have you heard???😓

Me: Heard what? I was an appointment today, what did I miss??☺️

Harper: It's about Jason😪

Me: what about Jason???

Harper: apparently when you were in hospital he fucked someone...

Me: what! That's some bullshit rumour, when I was in hospital he was at his mum's!! Who told you that 😂

Harper: no, Lana seriously. He was at a frat house with some girl called Sophie..

Me: oh god no.

Harper: I'm so sorry babe😒

Me: yup, I gtg

I sit patiently waiting for Jason to get back so he can explain what the fuck this is all about. If this is true, I don't know what I would do.. would I be angry? Would I break up with him?

Knowing me I'll forgive him because of my feelings towards him. I feel so strongly towards him that it would be hard to let him go. But, me and Jason weren't dating at that time. I don't think so at least. I can't remember anything, my life is going by too quickly in one huge blur, I can't piece everything together anymore.

-

The front door finally creeks open, and Jason appears with bags in his hands. I watch him as he quickly takes them into the kitchen and places them on the table. He soon comes back into the living room, and walks towards where I am sitting. My arms are folded harshly across my chest, and one of my legs is resting on top of the other. 

"Hey gorgeous," he says and slumps back in the  armchair opposite me.

"Hi," I say bluntly.

"What's up?" He asks.

"Jason," I say, my voice loud.

"Hello, that's me," he says with a giggle.

"What were you doing on the day I was in the hospital?"