Despondent | (Completed but editing)

Chapter 38.

"No, Lana, look at me," he says gently, gently putting his hand on my chin so my eyes lock with his.

"You are not like any of the other girls. Everything with you is new, different. I've never felt this way about anyone in my life. The second I saw you I knew I was going to fall in love with you. You was the most beautiful person I'd ever seen. You still are, I love you so fucking much Lana," he says, running his thumb across my pouted bottom lip. He pulls it down slightly and with his loss of contact it hits my teeth. I see him staring down at my lips, his want for them to be locked to his evident in his eyes.

"I have a thing about lies," I say randomly.

"I have noticed," he says with a giggle, his thumb now pressing circles into my chin, his eyes never leaving my lips.

"I hate being lied to, so so much," I admit.

"I know. I won't ever lie to you again, baby," he says and edges his face closer to mine.

"How do I know you won't?" I say, his face only inches away from mine. He doesn't reply and instead presses his lips on mine. My mouth immediately responds, wanting his kiss as much as he wants mine. I move my lips against his, kissing him passionately. The spark I have missed ever so much is ignited in the pit of my stomach, causing me to push harder against him. I prop myself up on my knees, leaning over Jason slightly but my lips never leaving his. He leans back, positioning me to straddle his waist.

This is not what I imagined would be happening right now when I told him I needed to speak to him this morning. My need and want for him still hasn't been fulfilled, but this is close. I'm not going to deny kissing him, especially now, this is all I need. His lips are warm and damp, a slight hint of mint left on them. He snakes his hands around my hips, pulling me as close to him as he can, whilst mine were on either side of his head trying to keep me upright.

I pull up and away from him, leaving him confused. I get off of his lap and return to my original position on the sofa. He sits up and places his feet on the floor once again, looking down. I bring my small hand to his chin, turning him to face me. His eyes immediately look into mine. Those beautiful grey eyes now looked so warn out, dead even. The once prominent small, thin veins that wove through the white in his eyes can no longer be seen. The usual mixture of black, white and different grey tones that made up his iris are no longer seen. They are all a singular shade, a drawing with no depth or dimension. "What happened to you?" I ask.

"You," he says.

"I'm sorry," I say, avoiding eye contact.

"Don't be sorry, I just.. I was so sad, I thought I'd lost you forever," he says, his voice small.

"You'll never lose me forever," I admit.

"Really?" He asks and I nod.

"I really love you Jason, despite the lies."

"And I really love you, Lana," he says, a smile playing on his face.

"Do you wanna help me finish my paintings for college? I have to hand them in tomorrow," I offer, breaking the silence.

"Sure, I'm no good though," he says and I laugh.

"It doesn't require much skill," I say with a giggle, reaching down to grab my paintings from under the coffee table. I set one out, placing some paints next to it along with a selection of different sized paint brushes.

"You're so skilled," he says.

"I'm really not, I just get lost in art sometimes," I say, looking down at my drawing of a girl sitting in front of her window, watching the rain.

"Is that meant to be you?" Jason asks as I pick up the black paint, squeezing out a dime sized amount onto a bit of scrap paper.

"No, definitely not," I say.

"It looks like your bedroom," he says.

"I had to base it off something, it's just a sketch it's nothing meaningful," I admit, mixing some back and white paint together to achieve the perfect grey tone.

AUTHORS NOTE

• thank you all for 12k!!! I really appreciate it!

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