Despondent | (Completed but editing)

Chapter 15.

Jason's POV.

I can't sleep. I can't sleep knowing what I did earlier. Unwillingly. I'd never purposely put someone I genuinely really like, love, through that pain. Fuck, do I love Lana? I must do. I haven't loved someone before, I said I have it the feeling of love wasn't there. At least not at strong as this. Loving Lana is different. Loving Lana is new. Loving her is like the wind, I can't see it but I can feel it. God, I can feel it.

The way she looks when she's asleep is a work of art alone, a picture worthy of it's own museum. All eyes on her, a sight to be treasured forever. But, I am the one lucky enough to lay here next to her and see it. I am the one lucky enough to lay next to her in bed without even be able to call her mine. She isn't even mine. She needs to be mine. But she's never going to be mine. I'm lucky enough to be here whilst she is in her most peaceful state, watch her smile, watch the way her chest raises up and down as she snores gently. But I can't call her mine, because I have already taken her for granted. On the same day she was sitting in a hospital trying to recover from how much she badly she had inflicted pain on her own body, her beautiful body, I was getting high with a bunch of horrible people and fucking another girl.

-

Lana's POV

The drive to the psychiatrists office is painfully quiet, even with Metallica playing from the radio. Jason taps his fingers on the wheel whilst we're stuck in traffic. A lot of traffic. I finally break the silence, "What's wrong, Jason?"

"I've got something on my mind," he says as the lights eventually turn green and he hits the accelerator gently, easing out of the bumper to bumper traffic.

"Would you like to talk about it?" I ask him.

"You will definitely know what it is later on today, I promise. It's a surprise," he shoots me a smile but it's not his normal smile. It's an awkward smile and my mind races with thoughts of what this 'surprise' is.

"Okay," I say and turn my head to look out of the window, and my eyes get lost in the sight of New York City. I'd always dreamed of New York. Sitting in an apartment at the top of a tall building, looking out of floor to ceiling windows, staring out into the beautiful city, the sun shining through and causing my eyes to sparkle. Me not being able to comprehend the fact one of my childhood dreams came true. But no, that's never how it goes for me. I'm sitting here in a boy's car, a boy who I'm falling for that I know will never see me the same way in the slightest. I'm sitting here with fucking bandages wrapped around my wrist hiding a reason why I am so pathetic. I'm sitting here on my way to a psychiatrist because I'm not fucking right in the head. I'm not right in the head. Stop reminding me, she says.

"Go away!" I should and pull my hair with my hands. Jason slams the break causing me to jolt forward slightly but my seatbelt prevents me from hitting my head off the dashboard.

"What? Who?" Jason asks and places a hand on my shoulder firmly.

"Her, the voice," I reply and tap my head so he knows what I am talking about.

"Oh, Lana. I don't really know what to say about that other than to bring it up when you talk to this psychiatrist, please," we make eye contact and his eyes light up, "for me."

"I will," I say with a smile, "I've never noticed how beautiful your eyes are."

"Thank you, beautiful," he says to me and my stomach flutters, "we're here by the way." I giggle and stare. We both lean in and he places his lips against mine. This wasn't our first kiss. However, this kiss feels like the first kiss that matters. I felt something spark inside of me that hurt in a beautiful way. I want to preserve this moment. This very moment in time where the I feel the possibility that this spark could last forever. Stupid, I know. But this wasn't a stupid little kiss that you see other teenagers do in a car any other day. It was full of passion and lust, as our lips opened and closed together. Shaking, I rest my hand on his jawline and outline it. A beautiful, sharp jawline for an exquisite person. Why had I fallen so hard? Just for this one person. Looking back on my opinions of teenagers and how they fall in 'love' so quickly. But now I see it, I feel it. Once you find the right person, everything else molds together perfectly.

"You know, you really should be getting inside, love," Jason tells me and my stomach flutters at the use of the word 'love'. I pull away and smile at him.

"Thank you, Jason," I say and look at him in his eyes. Those beautiful grey eyes. I lost myself in those eyes there and then. 'Snuff' by Slipknot is playing in the background as I feel myself falling deeper for him, and getting more lost in the wilderness in his eyes. From this moment on I know that I'm creating a memory which will be permanently linked to this song, and one day I will listen to this song and the memory will be painful. His eyes hold so much pain, and you can see it. He is, or was, a deeply unhappy person and his eyes conceal his every emotion. They glisten in the sunlight, as grey, as grey as the ash in a dying fire. Anyone who ever so much glanced in these eyes would feel the irresistible need to smile. They had that impact on me. And to anyone they didn't have an impact on, they are missing out.

"Earth to Lana," he says, waving his hand in front of my face.

"Sorry," I say, snapping out of the trance his eyes had me in.

"I will be back here to pick you up at exactly half past 12," he says and pushes a piece of my hair behind my ear.

"I will see you then," I smile and climb out of the door.

AUTHORS NOTE

Thank you all for 2k!! It means so much c: here's your second update ahh
I love reading everyone's comments and reactions to the characters! Please leave more comments I could do with the help, I love knowing what you guys like so I know what to put in the coming chapters! I hope you have a good day x